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My mental health is breaking my mum

My mum and me in my opinion have never been close it’s been a Neverending back and fourth war for as long as I can remember she claimed that ever since I was younger that my brain didn’t think correctly I thought she was delusional and I was running away causing havoc getting in trouble with the law screaming and emotionally abusing her I read online that everything that I felt was valid because it’s the way my brain thinks however I didn’t realise my mother would have to pick up her and pieces that I was shattering with my broken pieces and how my dad would enable me to do whatever I want but my mother would put in rules and boundaries and structure that I needed that he doesn’t provide I didn’t realise that she was just trying to care and I thought it was her being nasty and someone tell me how I can fix the relationship and not think the way I do because I didn’t mean to ever make her feel like she wasn’t enough..

Kenzie32328
Kenzie32328Posted 08-11-2024 06:06 PM

Comments

 
Green_Forest
Green_ForestPosted 20-11-2024 09:16 PM

Hey @Kenzie32328 ,

I'm super sorry to hear what youre going through it super sucks. I don't really have any ground-breaking advice but I just want you to know that you're not alone and this happens a lot for me and my Mum too. It can be super hard and you feel like it's your fault but we can't control our mental health or things. There will be waves of up and down when you're close and fighting, but I always tell myself that years from this I'll have my own family and we'll be amazing friends anyway. You will get through this. I totally understand and simpathise with you

All the best xxx

 
zoo_girl
zoo_girlPosted 15-11-2024 01:02 PM

Hi @Kenzie32328

Navigating relationships with family can be really complicated, thank you for sharing your experiences.

Over the years I have also struggled with working out the best way forward when I have said things I didn't mean or acted in a way that hurt my mum's feelings. Like other people have suggested, a conversation with your mum could be a really good starting point. Sometimes when I try and have conversations with my mum about tricky things, the conversation can get confrontational and it doesn't go how I planned. I try and write down some of the things that I want to say before the conversation, and chat to my mum about it in a calm setting, like a car drive or over a meal. 

Sharing general updates about your life or asking your mum for advice can also be a great way to strengthen that relationship, and make her feel like you value her opinion and are listening to her. 

It may be a slow process, but it is really good to hear you are putting in the effort to try and rebuild a positive relationship with your mum 😊

 
appletree
appletreePosted 12-11-2024 12:08 PM

Hey @Kenzie32328 This sounds like a really tough place to be in and I am so glad you shared this. Relationships are complex and all of the mixed feelings that you have around it are so valid. Remember to be gentle and forgiving with yourself. It is wonderful that you want to fix your relationship - even just letting your mum know of that fact could be really powerful. Have you had a chat with her? 

 
Gemz
GemzPosted 11-11-2024 03:54 PM

Hi @Kenzie32328 

I hear you, it sounds like you're carrying a lot of guilt and pain, especially when it comes to your mum. It’s clear that you didn’t mean to hurt her, and it’s good that you’re reflecting on things now. It can be so hard when you realise the person you’ve been at odds with was actually just trying to help, even if it didn’t feel that way at the time.

To fix things, maybe start by having a chat with her—let her know you get things now, and that you never meant to make her feel like she wasn’t enough. Take it slow, and remember that mending things takes time. It could help if you both see a therapist to work through your feelings together.

Also, be gentle with yourself. The fact that you care enough to make things better is huge. It’s not about fixing everything overnight, but your willingness to try will make a difference in the long run.😊

 

 
Catlover101
Catlover101Posted 11-11-2024 02:27 PM

Hi @Kenzie32328 

Thank you for sharing.

I had had very revelations about my own mum in the last year and for me fixing that relationship really just started with opening up a conversation with her and saying exactly what you have said here. That you realise she was just trying to care for you in the ways she thought were helpful and that you are sorry you didn't see that.

Let her know you want to rekindle your relationship with her. Maybe try sharing things about your social life you haven't told her to build that friendship and comradery. You obviously care about her and she for you. Spend time with her, offer to do things together. The little things count!

You are doing great. Let me know if you have a chat with her or if you have any other questions.

 
Marimo-RO
Marimo-ROPosted 08-11-2024 07:05 PM

Hi @Kenzie32328,

Welcome to the ReachOut Youth Community. Thank you for your courage in sharing your experience with family. I can see that you've matured your perspective on your parents' approaches to caring for you and that this has been a heavy realisation. It's understandable that reflecting on your past actions and understanding that they have unintentionally hurt your mum can bring guilt and confusion around how you can reconcile with her.

I want to acknowledge your strength and resilience not only in reflecting on your past actions but also in recognising that your mum was doing her best to care for you in her own way. It takes a lot of resolve to also then think about the next steps to action your plan for fixing the relationship.

We have some articles here that may be helpful to you. Here's are some on how to tackle difficult conversations and on tackling apologies. We also have one here on what to do when you've experienced family conflict.

I'm also wondering if you have any supports for yourself at the moment? Is there anything you feel able to do to look after yourself? It's natural to feel emotionally and mentally drained after thinking back on what has been a very emotional journey for you. 

If you feel that you would like to talk to someone one-on-one. We have a free PeerChat service where you can talk to a peer worker who may have gone through a similar experience. Beyond Blue can also offer free counselling support over the phone or online.

I hope you find the support you seek here in the community!

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