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TW: My Nonna

My Nonna and I were never particularly close. I used to visit her on the occasion while I was living at home but I haven’t seen her since then. Even when I did visit she was a bit critical as a kid she would tell me to eat more because I was too skinny when at the time my eating was fine. She recently passed away and I was meant to be looking after my sisters dog while she went on holiday and my boyfriend was out of town. The only issue was is that because of her passing and my boyfriend begging me to join him on his holiday I didn’t want to look after my sisters dog. I knew that I had made a commitment and no one else could look after it but I just couldn’t be alone everyday. I felt empty and sad. So I told her I couldn’t and got on a flight the next day to see my boyfriend. It was really expensive and as I live by myself it just adds more stress on me because I’m so short on money now. I do however think it was worth it because if I would have stayed home or at my sisters I think I would be worse mentally. Anyways my sister ended up getting her friend to look after the dog. I felt slack about that. Anyways my Nonna passed her funeral is next week and im not sure how I feel. When I was at home I was the family’s public speaker so I would be the one to do speeches and things on behalf of the family however now im out of home they didn’t ask me. My half sister (who isn’t blood related to my Nonna) is reading her eulogy. It’s not the fact that they aren’t blood related that makes me upset it just upsets me that im not the one reading it. My mum did ask me (after I brung it up) that she wants me to just say a little prayer for her. Im not religious but it’s a funeral so yk. Anyways im sad I never got to say goodbye. 

Spoiler
The day she died my entire family went to her house to say our last goodbyes before they take her body away. I was the only person who didn’t. I couldn’t stand to believe it was real and im quite scared of dead things like people or reptiles.

Anyways I just regret not saying anything. Also on an unrelated not I think I have adhd or something by because a few people have told me I seem like I do and on New Year’s Eve I went to a party and took a particular ADHD medication and felt nothing different at all. I also haven’t smoked weed in almost a week and I just feel empty. I miss it but my boyfriend doesn’t like that I do it so much and I know it’s not good but I feel li  I need it sometimes. Anyways thanks 

Lonely_loser
Lonely_loserPosted 11-01-2023 11:55 PM

Comments

 
ayrc_1904
ayrc_1904Posted 15-01-2023 12:59 PM

Hi @Lonely_loser

 

I'm sorry to hear that you have been feeling overwhelmed and that there have been a lot of things going on in your life. I want to say that we are here for you and that we appreciate you opening up to us about how you have been feeling. ❤️

 

I'm sorry for your loss and that you didn't feel like you were able to do more for Nonna despite your wanting to. Losing family regardless of how close we may be is always a difficult time. Everyone has their own way of grieving and processing the reality of loss, and what is important to remember is that during that time, you did the best that you could in those moments. 

 

Also, I want to point out that you should be proud of yourself for choosing to not smoke weed and sticking to it. It can be hard for a lot of people, but I think the fact that you are pushing yourself because you care about your boyfriend and your health, I think is really mature and admirable.

 

All the best, and we are here for you ❤️

 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 12-01-2023 01:31 PM

Hi @Lonely_loser and welcome to the online community 😍

 

First off, I want to say that I'm so sorry for the loss of your Nonna. Regardless of how close you are, losing grandparents can be an incredibly difficult experience. I can completely understand your reluctance to go and see your Nonna when she passed away - it can be a very confronting thing to see your loved ones when they are unwell or dying, but I also appreciate that it must have been difficult not having a chance to say goodbye.

 

It sounds like being part of your Nonna's eulogy was something that was quite important to you, and that not being asked to give the eulogy hurt you. How are you feeling about saying a prayer at her funeral?

 

I'm also curious as to how things are with your sister? Was she okay with you not looking after her dog while she was away? It sounds like some time away with your partner was what was needed in that moment, so hopefully she understands.

 

You also mentioned being concerned that you might have ADHD because some of your friends have said that they think you might have it. Did you feel as though you might have ADHD before they said anything?

 

P.S. I'm going to send you an email to check in, so keep an eye on your inbox today 🥰

 
 
Lonely_loser
Lonely_loserPosted 15-01-2023 09:41 AM

I feel ok to say a prayer in obviously going to be very nervous to be home at I just feel numb about the whole thing. My sister is pretty mad she was very upset I didn't tb stay and they all think I'm immature but I had to do what was best for me. I didn't particularly think I had adha but I thought maybe some form of Autism as I've been to psychologists and they've said I may have it but aren't gonna do tests or anything but maybe I have both I'm not sure. 

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