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Under-appreciation for my mother

I feel like I under-appreciate my mum, because I do.

I'm always so rude to her and I always feel so bad after we have an argument.

But she keeps getting mad at me for not treating my brother properly and about my grades and other things.

I started to feel angry towards her after this. Whenever we talk or she gives me a hug I always want to back away and go to my room for some reason but I feel so bad because I am not spending quality time with her and I feel like I don't know when it will be too late and then I will regret it...

A few minutes ago I listened to 'Heaven's not far away' by We Three on America's Got Talent and I just broke out in tears. 

Even though I knew I wasn't being nice towards my mum and I knew it, I realised how bad it has gotten but I don't know what to do.

She's nice to me but I'm always so rude to her.

She always talks about how rude and disrespectful I am to her and I don't know how to fix this.

i feel like I've ruined our relationship and I don't know what to do to fix it because I don't know what's wrong with me.

 

idk_Sakamoto
idk_SakamotoPosted 11-02-2023 08:17 PM

Comments

 
Anzelmo
AnzelmoPosted 19-02-2023 12:23 PM

Hi @idk_Sakamoto

 

It sounds like this has been on your mind for a while and that you've spent some time reflecting on your relationship with your mum. I also want to say that I'm proud of you for taking this first step. It takes strength and courage to recognise your own faults and then want to do something to improve. 

 

Sometimes when you feel stressed out or you feel that so many things are happening around you, you can feel more easily irritated and act in ways that you don't mean to, or that doesn't actually show your true character. Are there specific things that have been making you feel stressed or negatively lately? 

 

You seem like you have a caring heart and that you do love your mum, but you don't like the way you treat her sometimes. I'm sure your mum knows that you do love and care for her. 

 

I also feel that having an honest conversation with her about your feelings on this matter could be helpful, but of course, this is a decision that is completely up to you. 

 

Be kind to yourself too. I hope you're having a better week 💙

 

 
ayrc_1904
ayrc_1904Posted 19-02-2023 09:00 AM

Hey @idk_Sakamoto

 

It's been a while and I just wanted to check in. How are you doing? Was your past week okay? 

 

I also wanted to echo that the very fact that you're clearly feeling bad about this means that you're a good person. You do care for your mum. If you didn't, you may not even wonder or reflect on things you may have done. That shows your good character. It's hard for anyone to admit they did some wrong or to admit that they may have hurt someone. Even I find that difficult sometimes. So please don't be too hard on yourself. Acknowledging what has happened is already the first step towards building a healthier relationship, and I'm proud of you for that. 

 

I also do recommend seeing someone and talking to them about this. Maybe it could also be a good idea to share what you've shared with us, with your mum. If it's too difficult to talk to her face to face about it, maybe you could call her or even write her a letter? Just as what you've shared has shown us that you're not a bad person and that you care and want to work on creating a better relationship, it may show your mum that too. Perhaps that could then lead to a healthy conversation about how to build up the relationship together. 

 

Anyway, I do hope you're ok ❤️ And thank you for your courage sharing that with us. 

 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 11-02-2023 08:41 PM

Hey @idk_Sakamoto I can really hear how much this is impacting you. It sounds like deep down, you really do care about your mum, but something is going on that doesn't feel right for you. Sometimes, stress in other areas of our lives can show up in strange and unwanted places - like in our closest relationships. 

 

Do you think it's something you could talk to your mother about? Acknowledge that you are feeling this way but that you do care about her and feel bad, but that you're not sure why it is happening? 

 

If not your mum, I'd still encourage you to talk to someone about this - perhaps give the folks over at Kid's Helpline a call. Sometimes it can help just being able to get stuff off your chest. I am also going to flick you a quick email to check in, so keep an eye out for that one. 

 

I don't think there's 'something wrong with you' - your sense of guilt and regret about this tells me that you're not a bad person, just that you're struggling to work out what is happening for you, and why it is coming out in a way that doesn't feel right for you. 

 
 
idk_Sakamoto
idk_SakamotoPosted 11-02-2023 09:15 PM

Thank you @Pho-RO for replying.

This has happened a lot of times and I have tried to talk it out with her a lot of times, but it just ends up in me just apologising to her and then me feeling guiltier than I was. 

When I try to talk to her, it always ends up in an argument because of something or the other. I try to stay calm and understand but it just doesn't work.

I think that the number of times this has happened but the fact that it ends the same way is what's causing the problem.

I think that my mum thinks that my apologies are not sincere, but I mean I can't blame her because what's the point of saying sorry if I keep on doing the behaviour over and over again...?

 

 
 
 
Pho-RO
Pho-ROPosted 11-02-2023 09:26 PM

@idk_Sakamoto  Sounds like you two simply aren't seeing eye to eye on some things. That can be really tough. 

 

Is there someone who could perhaps sit down with you both and help you to better communicate with each other? A friend or relative that you both feel comfortable with? Perhaps even a professional. Check out Relationships Australia - they have lots of resources on their website, as well as offering relationship counselling as well. Could be that having a third person there can help you bridge that gap and find better ways of interacting that works for you both. 

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