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Vulnerability
Hey, sorry I am new to this platform and I thought I'd try writing about something thats always been hard for me. If you can relate or have any advice that would be great. Ever since I was young, vulnerability has always been something that ive struggled with; it was taught to me as a form of weakness and something people can use against you, with friends, family, peers, and boyfriends ive never been able to be fully vulnerable with any of them. I recently got into a relationship with my boyfriend, we have been dating for 2 months, but we have known each other since last summer (almost a year ago) we had been seriously talking for 3-4 months and ive opened up to him about how it is harder for me to open up about certain things. Ive told him about my anger and how I get really angry and stuff. im trying to sort that out, but a lot of the time he is great with saying things to me, for example he is really good with expressing his feelings with his words, and I want to be able to tell him how I feel but it feels as if there is a block like a wall between my mouth and my heart. I want to learn or be able to be vulnerable with him and anyone for the sake of it, but I had only really realized recently this is something I struggle with. if anyone has any advice, please let me know. thank you
Comments
It seems like you're going through a difficult time with vulnerability, and it's great that you're seeking advice. Many people struggle with vulnerability, so you're not alone. It's important to remember that vulnerability can actually be a strength because it allows us to connect with others on a deeper level and build stronger relationships.
It's great that you've already started opening up to your boyfriend about your feelings and struggles. It takes courage to do so. Additionally, it's important to recognize that vulnerability is a process, and it may take time to fully open up to someone.
Personally, I used to be a closed book and held in a lot of feelings. Like you, I was fortunate enough to find someone expressive and willing to help me with vulnerability. At first, I felt frustrated with myself because I was unable to express the words I wanted to say. However, a tip she gave me was to write down my thoughts. Over time, I became better at expressing what I felt and why I felt it. Once I understood how to articulate my thoughts, I began writing letters to myself and some to her. I would let her read them next to me. For me, writing letters was a necessary baby step, as having my thoughts written down was a lot easier than trying to find the right words in the moment. Later, I worked on developing my verbal communication skills.
If you're feeling stuck, I suggest trying 'writing things down'. It personally worked for me, and I hope you find it helpful too. I wish you well in finding what works for you! Don't hesitate to keep us updated on how you are going. 😌
thank you so much for taking the time to reply to my messssge, I had recently started to write these feelings down on what I wanted to express, the things that were to hard for me to say. I wrote him a letter about it and let him read it, this was very hard for me however I did feel better about it after, thank you for the great advice, I hope all is well with you as well
Youre very much welcome. You made my day and I hope you have a lovely week. @Turquoise_Swan
Hi @Turquoise_Swan and welcome!
I have also always struggled with vulnerability, especially verbal vulnerability and it still makes me uncomfortable to this day. I grew up in a family that never shared their feelings and I think when we grow up like that, it can be very difficult to unlearn what we've been doing our whole lives. The only person I am truly vulnerable with at the moment is my partner and similarly to you, at the beginning I was very hesitant to open up. It sounds like verbally expressing your vulnerability has been almost impossible for you. I'm wondering if you have tried communicating these feelings through a different medium? It might feel less daunting to be able to write or type out your feelings and let the other person read it. You can turn your back or wait outside of the room while they read it if it is too uncomfortable to face them. At the beginning of my relationship, this is how I brought up vulnerable topics and my partner would either write a response back to me or if I felt comfortable, we could chat about it more. Over time, our relationship built up trust so I don't have to do that anymore and can be vulnerable with them directly. I've also become much better at verbalising my feelings without shutting down.
You've already been very brave to realise that you struggle with this and to share it with us. Like @Sally_RO has said, it's important to be gentle with yourself and only open up when you're comfortable. Writing in a journal or your notes app can also give you a safe and non-risky way to practice being vulnerable and being able to express your feelings with words.
thank you so much for replying, this has helped me in so many ways, I just wrote up a little paragraph on my phone about one of the many vulnerable things i am scared to talk about. i plan on showing them this and i think it is a great idea. thank you very much
Hi @Turquoise_Swan , welcome to the ReachOut forums! It's really great to have you here 😊 It’s not easy to share your feelings here, so well done for opening up!
It sounds like after a couple of months of seeing your new boyfriend you’ve noticed that during the times where you want to express your feelings to him, you’re finding it really difficult to. I wanted to reassure you that this is so common, being vulnerable with someone is really tough! Especially when starting out a new relationship when you’re still building up the trust in the relationship.
You’ve already acknowledged these feelings, which is a really great first step. Remember to be kind to yourself and give yourself time to open up at a comfortable pace.
You mentioned that you recently opened up to your boyfriend about things you get angry about. How did you feel after having this conversation? What about the conversation went well, and what about it didn’t go that well?
Thanks again for sharing, the RO community is here for you😊
Hi @Sally_RO thank you for taking the time to respond to me. it took me.a while to really discover this was a huge problem for me, we have discussed this a few times, and I am really trying to work on it, he understands completely and hopefully this will be something we work on together. Thank you for responding, I hope all is well
Hi @Turquoise_Swan it's nice to hear back from you. It looks like you recieved some lovely peer support from other community members over the week which I hope has been helpful for you.
It sounds like you and your boyfriend are working towards an open and honest style of communication and support for one another. Though not every conversation will be easy perhaps it might become so with practice.
The ReachOut community is here to support you through it 💛
Hi @Turquoise_Swan and @Sally_RO! Thank you for sharing your experience on ReachOut and like @Sally_RO said, well done for coming on here and being vulnerable, it is already such a big step!
As someone who also struggles to open up to others and be vulnerable, it can be hard to remember that the people who care about us tend to not judge us as harshly as we may judge ourselves. I think one thing that really helped me was to practice some self-compassion (which is still a really hard thing to do), but it is all about validating your own feelings and allowing emotions like anger to exist without criticising ourselves or being ashamed of them. Step by step this can help opening up seem less intimidating as we are also accepting our own vulnerability and emotions!
Here are some really great resources like self-compassion meditations and exercises by Dr. Kristin Neff - who is a leading researcher and psychologist in the self-compassion area. You might find them helpful: https://self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises
Thank you again for being vulnerable on here and reaching out!
hey @Banana_Lemur thank you for responding, i am defiantly going to check this website out, thank you for all your help, i hope all is well with you