originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:11 PM

Many people may experience tough times around lack of respect. It is important that people are made aware of the supports “out there” if they don't feel safe or are not getting the respect they need. Who could these people reach out to for help?

 

I think there's a bit of a sliding scale as to the types of people you can reach out to! Like @Lahna there's places like lifeline and DVCS, or even 000 if you don't feel safe and you need someone there right away to help keep you safe! But there are people closer to you who can offer help too. Family and friends are good sounding boards for problems, and places like the forums are too, all of these people can help you talk through a problem and figure out what to do next! 

 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:13 PM

We want to start this chat by making sure we know how to look after ourselves or other people in our lives if something is tougher than what we can talk about on a forum. So our first question focusses on that: Many people may experience tough times around lack of respect. It is important that people are made aware of the supports “out there” if they don't feel safe or are not getting the respect they need. Who could these people reach out to for help?

 

 

Well firstly, i'm here on time for once, yay! 

 

I think being able to go to people who do respect you and talking about these issues is pretty important. But I know that a few things stop people from doing that like... 

- Not wanting to bother other people

- It's just too damn hard (and it is) 

- Not wanting other people to know whats going on 

- Wanting to talk to someone seperate and not involved with the people which the lack of respect surrounds. 

 

So there are a number of proffesional services that I know from personal experience are really great 

1800 RESPECT is the first one that springs to mind. They have an online chat and phone service which both operate 24 hours a day every single day of the year. 

And there is emergency helplines such as KHL and Lifeline which are only a tiny bit less specific to lack of respect but of course can still help with that and many many other things!

Also never hesitate to call 000 either! (unless you're prank calling please don't do that ever)

 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:18 PM

Hey @j95! Woohoo can't wait to chat to you 🙂 

 

You raise some really really good points! I agree, it could be really difficult to seek help in a tricky situation where there isn't much respect. Do you think there is a point where you have to put yourself first though, even though others might find out about it? Close friends might be easier to open up to? 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:21 PM

@Lahna I think a lot of people feel ashamed about it, even if they don't do anything wrong so that feeling makes it that much harder to open up

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:23 PM

That's true @j95. It's sad that it can have that effect and I really hope those people can cultivate the courage they need to let someone know. And if in doubt- we are here to help at RO. 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:26 PM

What are some things you need from others to feel respected? This could refer to respect in the workplace, at school, at home with the family, in a relationship, or even when you are out with your friends.

I suppose then @j95, @Ben-RO, @stonepixie what we really need from others in a situation which is really tricky like we have previously discussed is support, and care when we need it most. As well as trust, honesty, integrity and understanding. (I suppose I'm alluding to friends showing these qualities to help us through tough times). 

 

In terms of respect from a relationship, I still think all of these qualities are neccesary. 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:22 PM

@j95 it is so true. And then there is the stigma around it. 😞 Why do you think people are ashamed of it?

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:30 PM

People might be ashamed of it @stonepixie because they may feel it makes them look weak for not being able to stand up for themselves or stay safe, even though it may not be their fault at all.

@Lahna It is sad and pretty awful that a lot people are told not to seek help or things will get worse in the relationship.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:23 PM

What are some things you need from others to feel respected? This could refer to respect in the workplace, at school, at home with the family, in a relationship, or even when you are out with your friends.

 

For me to feel respected, I need to feel like I am being listened to. That is my number one thing, well that and respect for my personal canoe (read bubble). I need to feel safe, people to be honest with me, to be supported, people to be accepting of me as I am. Also, there needs to be trust and accountability. So for me, that means that respect is given, not earned as it comes from benefit of the doubt.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:28 PM

Thats a fantastic take on it @stonepixie. I never thought of that! But now that you mention it, having someone simply listening means so much. I can think of plenty of times where I just needed someone there to listen to me, without interrupting. It's so encouraging and selfless.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:32 PM

It is one of the best feelings in the world @Lahna and is probably when I feel most disrespected. Of course then I assert myself especially if that person means something to me, which leads us straight into the next question ...

 

What does being assertive mean to you, and how do you be assertive when you need to be?

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:36 PM

What does being assertive mean to you, and how do you be assertive when you need to be?

 

Assertiveness.... Hmmmmm. Well I really belive it's a matter of being confident inyourself and being able to stand your ground- or trying to- and stand up for what you believe in. It can be saying "no" to something for example. Being assertive doesn't mean you have to be rude though or turn down everything, but in moderation and in the right situations I think it's a part of being respectful and self care. 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:43 PM

What does being assertive mean to you, and how do you be assertive when you need to be?

 

I agree with you @Lahna about assertiveness being about being confident in yourself. 

 

I also think that it is about standing up for what you think is right and your own values and opinions, whilst still taking into account the values and opinions of others. I believe this is the difference between assertive and authoritative! 

 

I am naturally a very assertive person, but do often forget the 'taking into accounts the needs of others' thing and can come across a little agressive/authoritative. 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:46 PM

Hey @mimbochi! 🙂 I never thought of it like that.. Like a balancing act. Making sure that you don't tip over into "aggressive mode"

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:46 PM

Hey @mimbochi 🙂

So how do you make sure you are not perceived as aggressive or authoritative whilst being assertive?

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:48 PM

That's the tricky part! @stonepixie 

 

I guess through acknowleding their needs/wants/opinions but expressing how I feel and what it is that I need / want / am looking to get out of the situation etc.... maybe!

originally posted on 23-11-2015 8:50 PM

I think it's important to remember to respect the other person when being assertive! So sometimes that means you can't communicate, you can only go away from them, or ask them to go away. Sad as that is 😞 

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:29 PM

Yep @Ben-RO, kindof like in Conflict resolution skills, to "agree to disagree" for the time being, or to give each other space to cool off! I had this with happen in a personal relationship about six months ago, and we gave each other time to cool off, and I remained open to maintaining and continuing the connection, because I respected and valued myself, and I respected and valued the other person, my friend.

 

I know it was mentioned by several here that sometimes you just have to cut off contact if someone is not respecting you, that is true. On the other hand, when I am in a relationship with someone, I'm there for the long haul, and my trust and loyalty can be counted upon. Heck, I make mistakes in life, and don't we all, but being assertive is sometimes admitting that, and coming together because the relatioship is worth it. Well, that's just who I am.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:32 PM

I can be quite a stubborn person who has to be right and "agreeing to disagree" is not something I can do hahaha @evanescence

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:33 PM

Hahaha. When you've got a sister like mine, @j95 you learn pretty quickly that the only way to move forwards is to agree to disagree.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:35 PM

Mine too @stonepixie hahaha.

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:34 PM

@stonepixie that sister is so me but agreeing to disagreeing is not even a thing hahaha

originally posted on 23-11-2015 9:36 PM

As long as you can admit when you are wrong, then I don't see it as harmful. What do you reckon, @j95 ?