originally posted on 30-03-2015 10:05 PM

How do you define your inner bully? Describe him/her/it. Is your inner bully negative self-talk (ie. is it the voice that makes you feel crappy about yourself?

 

My innner bully constantly tells me that I will never be good enough, that I am useless and worthless, that I will never get better. 

 

It is a constant back and forth between my inner bully and positive self-talk and coping skills, to get me through. 

 

Definitely proving my inner bullying wrong by doing the things that it tells me that I will fail at. 

originally posted on 30-03-2015 10:03 PM

@stonepixie enjoy! And thanks to the mods for being awesome! And to all the newbies who joined us! And the oldies 🙂
So glad I could make it today, I hoped I helped some of you with your inner bullies or just in general 😄

originally posted on 30-03-2015 10:02 PM

You guys seem to have a lot of insight into your inner bullies!! We mentioned negative self-talk, self-doubt, second guessing and high standards all contributing to that negative voice. That voice can also manifest in different ways: Putdowns, statements which reduce self esteem, beating yourself up over small things, making you feel inadequate or making you behave in harmful or annoying ways towards others

As to whether a real-life bully or an inner bully is worse, there seems to be an interrelation between inner bullies and actual bullies and they can contribute to each other. People also mentioned that you can have less control over an inner bully Some of the differences between the two seem to be the fact that you can influence an inner bully more, its easier to justify inner bullying and that inner bullying is harder to spot. Also, a real bully has an audience while an inner bully is with you 24/7

So many ways of picking yourself up after experiencing inner bullying: rebuilding your life, building up the courage to meet new people, focusing on other things in the environment, getting professional help and even proving your inner bully wrong. As for support to overcome the inner bully, it can from family and friends, you can use logic or point out inconsistencies, saying opposing statements to oneself or use a friend or family member as a sounding board person. An important one: support networks and mental health support. We also have a bunch of strategies you can use to outwin your inner bully: self-care type things like gentle exercise and art, friends, or even yourself!!

Also the question: can you be friends with your inner bully? Possibly, as a way to examine inner beliefs and attitudes, remembering past mindsets, or as a coping mechanism

And three tips? Remember those negative comments (for future reference of course), talk to someone, and read our articles!! Speaking of:

 

What is self-talk?

Challenging negative thinking

Improving self-esteem

 

Thanks for coming out guys!! Have a good night 🙂

originally posted on 30-03-2015 10:01 PM

1- Perspective. Don't just look at it through your eyes, but through the bully's as well. Even if that bully is your inner bully, you never know what you might be going through without realising it.
2- SmilingMind, MoodGym, ReachOut, all these help website are great each with different and similar ways. All the help you need and all the help to get what you need.
3- Inner bully and inner anti-bully. 🙂 Negative and positive. Recognise the bully, and find the anti-bully. The anti-bully doesn't have to be positive thoughts, it can be anything that helps you be positive and overcome the bully.

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:56 PM

@stonepixie 1 inner voice. My head is very crowded. But it helps.
To answer the question, he's that friend who is okay but will occassionally step over the line because he doesn't acknowledge it. So I've got to handle him, which ends up with inner anti-bully putting him in timeout.

@Student94 I have interesting ways of putting things. I once explained baptism with cordial and water to a friend. 😄

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:51 PM

@stonepixie this is true, and different perspectives will help different people

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:50 PM

@JangleBurt everyone is right. Defeating is hard, and a long journey. But a victory still a victory, no matter how small.
I overcame my inner bully with my inner anti-bully, or positive thoughts(I have a lot of thoughts). And realised that it didn't matter. Bullies aren't going to change me, I wasn't going to change who I was, deep down, to suit them. While change is good and important, you do it because you want to, as a way to better yourself for yourself not for others. Want to lose weight? No problem! Are you eating healthy? Are you overweight? Are you underweight? Lose weight to be healthier, not because a bully called you fat. Because you might not be.

My friend said her parents called her fat, and she calls herself fat too. I told her that if she is considered 'fat' then I would be near obese. Maybe an exaggeration but the point was there nonetheless. She was maybe a little too skinny, but otherwise fine. So am I. If it helps you, research. In weight, girls for example tend to be heavier on their periods, weights change during the day. This applies to whatever, weight was the first thing I thought of.

I've also lost my train of thought. I think it was;

Do what you do because you want to do it, not because someone told you to.
Unless that someone is your mother and it's to tidy your room. 🙂

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:49 PM

@euka that definitely complicates things. You don't have to be friends with your inner bully to overcome it though - there are plenty of other strategies that can work 

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:48 PM

@JillyP I think any negativity you experience could potentially affect your inner bully, including actual bullying. It's great to see that you are learning from these experiences and becoming a stronger person 🙂

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:47 PM

Do you think there is a way to ‘become friends’ with your inner bully?’

Honestly I don't think so because mine is sometimes a coping mechanism for sadness. I think if I were to embrace it any more it would have too much sway so I intend to fight it until it doesn't bother me as much.

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:46 PM

Night @JangleBurt !! All the best for the prac tomorrow, and thanks for being with us!! I'm glad you got so much out of it 🙂

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:45 PM

Do you think there is a way to ‘become friends’ with your inner bully?

 

I don't know about being 'friends', but I try to keep the inner bully in mind to remind me of where I was mentally before compared to where I am now, and sometimes it comes back with force, but know I have some strategies in mind to combat the negative thoughts. It's always good to remember how you used to think so that you don't repeat the same mistakes you used to make

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:42 PM

So many victories!! So much win!! Go all of you!!

 

Now here is an interesting question:

 

Do you think there is a way to ‘become friends’ with your inner bully?’

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:41 PM

@N1ghtW1ng true!! Our bullies can teach us so much about ourselves

originally posted on 30-03-2015 9:40 PM

@Student94 I was rushing a bit there because my phone was on 1% 😄
But yeah, despite a rocky start, I think I've managed to overcome the inner bully, what with my Inner anti-bully and I, we shoved that little monster in his time out corner. He can come out when he behaves because when you get to know your bullies, they aren't as bad as you once thought. Besides, more perspectives make better conversations and more insightful ones too.