[CHAT] Relationships & social media
Online dating is a blessing and a curse, I mean there is nothing more awesome than finding a great relationship whilst sitting at home in my sweats eating ice cream and chatting away but then again I do miss out on that face to face contact that we as humans crave. We are now in the age of the internet where everything we do is online; we have moved our friendships, relationships and dating life on the web.
This relates to a majority of us because as young people we have grown up with technology and we meet people on there all the time, how many of us can say we don’t have at least one social networking site? So it’s inevitable that we will meet people and form connections and relationships whether as a pen-pal, a friend or a whirl wind romance. We just need to be aware of what we are stepping into and how to protect ourselves.
I think there are 8 essential rules to online dating and some of these can be applied to online friendships as well:
1. What you see may not be what you get
2. Be honest about who you are (no Photoshop)
3. Do your homework
4. Stand firm on your values
5. Take your time
6. Pay attention to your gut instincts
7. Be happy with yourself
8. Ask yourself, what you are honestly looking for?
These rules are important to keep in mind because there are some pros and cons to online relationships. Even though they save time, you are able to filter, you get to know people better and it can sometimes be safer there are also other ways where it’s not safe. Some of you may know the MTV show called Catfish, that is a good wake-up call and for those who haven't watched it I suggest you Google it. Plus being online you miss out on that face to face contact and sometimes the people around you tend to judge and criticize which can definitely be hurtful.
So come join us this Monday (23rd) at 8pm AEST so we can discuss these rules of online relationships/friendships, share our experiences with each other and also share tips on how we can stay safe and mentally healthy.
In the meantime, have a read of these factsheets:
http://au.reachout.com/Using-social-networking-sites-safely
http://au.reachout.com/My-only-friends-are-online
Thanks @stonepixie for jumping on tonight!!!
and for everyone else out there for following the conversation here is tonights summary...
1. Have you used the Internet/ social media websites as a potential avenue to meet someone? Or even continue getting to know someone after you have met someone? if so, how did it work for you?
• Not many met their partners online … but used social media to build on it
• But it was good for continuing the relationship and maintaining it
• Avenues: Viber, whatsapp, facebook, skype
• Sometimes the relationships fizzle out
2. What are the advantages of using online avenues to meet people or get to know people better?
• You get to know people better
• People tend to be more honest online
• Looks are not always important
• Safer
• Remain anonymous
• No pressure to act a certain way
• No awkward silences
• Faster to get to know people
• Formulate responses
• Filter through the weirdos
3. What are the disadvantages of using online avenues to meet people?
• People can lie...
• Its harder to tell what they are really like in person
• With some people its actually easier to talk on social media than in person
• You don’t get that face to face contact
• Scammers
• Cyber bulling
• People pretending to be what they aren’t
4. Have you ever had a catfish experience? How did you handle it? If not catfished what other experiences have you had?
• Not many people have been catfished
• Light bulb moments occurred, Catfished means = Being deceived over social media by someone who professes their romantic feelings to his/her victim, but isn't who they say they are.
5. Would you be catfishing if you were online pretending to be someone else for a friend? eg. if your friend was too nervous to talk to someone so you did for them.
• Mixed answers… some said yes some said no.
• Yes, You are pretending to be someone else
• No, because it is harmless.
• Maybe it’s a matter of what their intentions were
• Its not completely catfishing but is similar
6. The Internet can be very addictive, what can you do to enjoy yourself but also stay connected to the offline world?
• Going to the gym
• Meeting up with friends
• Not relying on social media for company/ something to fill your time when your bored
• Learning how to switch off literally and figuratively
7. Given the rules that we posted which one do you think is the most important and why?
• Pay attention to your gut instincts
• Be happy with yourself
8. After tonight's session, what advice would you give to your friend if they wanted to date online?
• Be honest
• Know what you are looking for
• Follow your gut instinct
• Just be wary and if something doesnt seem right ... think about it carefully
• Enjoy the process because it can be fun
• Do your homework
• Make sure you schedule in time to be in the real world.
• Search you name from every now and then to make sure something too risqué or something you wouldn't want your mum or a potential employer seeing doesn't pop up.
After tonight's session, what have you learnt? and what advice would you give to your friend if they wanted to date online?
-be honest
- know what you are ooking for
- follow your gut instinct
- just be wary and if something doesnt seem right ... think about it carefully
- enjoy the process becasue it can be fun
I never noticed how much I had gone through online until this session and I would advise my friend to be themselves and be open but also be private so they can protect themselves if things turn bad.
Given these rules of online relationships, which one do you think is the most important and why?
look im going to say all of them!!!
but if i had to choose one...
Pay attention to your gut instincts
The internet can be very addictive, what can you do to enjoy yourself online but also stay connected to the "REAL" world?
- Going outside !
- Going to the gym
- meeting up with friends
- not relying on social media for company/ something to fill your time when your bored
EloiseRose wrote:- not relying on social media for company/ something to fill your time when your bored
But I like talking to you guys. Hahaha. 😛
Ok here is a mini question...
Would you be catfishing if you were online pretending to be someone else for a friend? eg. if your friend was too nervous to talk to someone so you did for them.
@EloiseRose wrote:
Ok here is a mini question...
Would you be catfishing if you were online pretending to be someone else for a friend? eg. if your friend was too nervous to talk to someone so you did for them.
This makes me wonder if talking to someone with your besty using the same account and they know they are talking to two people but don't know who is writing what classed as catfishing.
In answer to your question, I would say YES, absolutely. You are pretending to be someone else to pursue a love interest whether it be for yourself or someone else.
Ok here is my next question i read a story about catfishing the other day and i had to research it a bit more... what are you thoughts on the questions below:
Have you ever had a catfish experience? How did you handle it? If not catfished what other experiences have you had?
Have you ever had a catfish experience? How did you handle it? If not catfished what other experiences have you had?
When I was younger I was pretty reckless and didnt really pay attention to who I spoke to and the other day someone I spoke to when I was like 13 contacted me through email just saying hi is this still you sort of thing and I kinda freaked so I googled the email address. This guy was meant to be like 2 years older than me and on my search it was a 33yr old woman 😞 so delete and block...
another disadvantage is that some people prefer to talk on social media and dont really regard face to face contact... it makes it awkward when you want to spend time together and they are happy to stay online
What are the disadvantages of using online avenues to meet people?
-people can lie...
- its harder to tell what they are really like in person
- with some people its actually easier to talk on social media than in person
- you dont get that face to face contact
Wow @ruenhonx, talk about creepy. Anyone who I don't know and I don't have any mutual friends, I automatically decline their friend request. I also have my profile on full lock-down aka anyone who isn't my friend can only see my cover picture and the thumbnail of my profile picture. I am very wary of this and don't like to put pictures of my rugrats as my cover picture.
Have you ever had a catfish experience? How did you handle it? If not catfished what other experiences have you had?
*googles catfish and remembers that I've heard of it before*
Nope. Never experienced it before or anything similar. Atleast I don't think. But it did made me realise that I could have possibly crushed one of my friends feelings. 
How did I not see it before? (Sorry, had a light bulb moment)
Just a male friend I used to hang out with all the time and things where starting to go elsewhere but neither of us were willing to admit it. And then another male friend came along and made a move. I only went with it because when were first met, I felt a spark, but he was in a relationship at the time. Well, that lasted a whole 3 months and now my friend, who had his feelings crushed wont hang out with me unless there is someone else present. I think it is safe to say that I messed up. Considering you can still feel the chemistry between us.
Well atleast you are still friends and it might take time for him to trust you but you can always right your wrongs. 🙂
The internet can be very addictive, what can you do to enjoy yourself online but also stay connected to the "REAL" world?
Make a point of meeting up with friends in the real world. Make time in each day to switch off from the digital world.
You never know until you actually talk to someone and try and work it out.
- switching off is something I need to do more often because having my phone with me all the time is so tiring feel so anti social sometimes.
