If it's not on...
Browsing through search results in the early hours of the morning, my fifteen year old self was awestruck by the variety of contraceptives that weren’t known as “condoms” or “the Pill”. As I sheepishly clicked through the articles one by one, I knew that there was still quite a lot for me to learn.
During the later years of high school, people were talking about how life was going to be divine after graduation. Getting their provisional licence, going on road trips or travelling overseas, going to university – the way they spoke with such ambition and grandeur. It was all about careers; not friendships or even intimate relationships.
I came from a school that although presented as open-minded, was actually very conservative. The topic of sex was always taboo – despite the fact that everyone was doing it. Whether it was embarking on your sexual awakening or continuing your sexual shenanigans, mention sex aloud and you’re in trouble. Other than learning about reproductive systems in biology or sitting through an awkward ten minute presentation for Schoolies, contraception was not covered either. Even though we learned about a lot of methods we could use, I knew of more than a few couples that thought the ‘pull out’ method was enough (it’s really not).
I went to my local GP. Who knew there were so many forms of contraception?! Female condoms, rods, injections, rubbers, there’s even patches. I ended up getting a prescription for the contraceptive pill. With some instructions on how to take it, I was on my way. However, I must say, I did become slack (which is something you should never slack on) so I began searching for alternatives.
It was embarrassing knowing how little I knew about different contraceptives as well as the numerous sexually transmitted infections and diseases you could get without using protection. Growing up, I never had “The Talk” with the parents. My education was a mash of internet porn, word-of-mouth and Google. But going to see a general practitioner to talk about it and doing some myth-busting with me did help. As time went on, looking at websites like Better Health Victoria and reading magazines gave me reminders.
Join us in the forums this Monday (20th January) at 8pm AEST, to tell us what you think about safe sex! Hope to see you there 🙂
Hey guys!
Welcome to tonight's Getting Real Session on safe sex. Tonight, myself, @Myvo and @Sophie-RO will be co-facilitating
So we’ve all had that awkward talk about what sex is and what safe sex is. Here tonight we’ll be talking about what you think safe sex is, how important it can be, and maybe clearing up some of the confusion surrounding the subject!
Please make sure that the discussion tonight is within the guidelines, as always and if you need to talk to someone one on one, click the 'emergency help & info' link up the top right of your page.
Let's get rocking! First question
1. Sex can be a super awkward thing to talk about and usually it's met with giggles, crass comments or flushed cheeks (facial cheeks, might I add). This sometimes leaves to it not being talked about at all; not even safety. So our first question tonight is: what is safe sex and what does it mean to you?
Safe sex to me is using contraceptives and barrier methods. But what i think is also underrated and should really be included under the 'safe sex' umbrella is the practice of consent. I.e. making sure that yourself and the other person both feel safe.
I like the idea that having safe sex (practising) consent, is like running with a partner while holding hands, you both need to be checking in with other, to make sure that you are both moving at a pace that you are comfortable with, otherwise you aren't actually running together at all.
Having clear and coherrant communication with my partner, knowing about any personal bondaries or triggers that we might have, language is also particulary important when it comes to being involved with someone who is genderqueer.
@BettieRage Oh,definitely. Consent is essential. The word 'No' means no and unfortunately, some people forget that 
I love your analogy about partners holding hands - that you need two to co-operate to get anywhere with each other as well as communicating openly.
@BettieRage I swear you're a mind-reader! It'll be more awesome if there was a bigger focus on consent as well as what is inappropriate behaviour. I reckon it'll also be beneficial to teach that what you wear, where you go, what you do, etc, does not mean that you are asking for it! No always means no!
Also the whole needing sassy come back lines to a guy saying 'oh i have blue balls' is pretty lame. What we need to be teaching is that No is enough and that everyone needs to respect someone saying No.
Capital use for emphasis
Next question...
5. The first time you’re sat down for ‘The Talk’ with a partner is almost always bound to be awkward on both sides. How was your first talk, and is there anything you would change?
> Never got the Talk! Learnt about sex through all kinds of people, places and resources 
Since I never got an awkward sit-down with the parents, I don't think that there is anything I'd want to change. I rather enjoyed the self-discovery to it all. 
The most useful thing with my current partner was both agreeing to go and get tested for various STIs (there are lots of free services and places to get information about this) & sharing if we had any risky behavior in the past.
This is also how i decided to get the implanon.
Also i wish I was more comfortable with talking about things that might be triggering, and how to look after me if i am triggered.
But there is so much potential to have fun with the awkward talk beyond, yes/no i'm on the pill. but also about what you like, things you want to try, etc
@BettieRage you're right about it being a chance to talk about what you like and don't like. Plus being at that stage where you can talk about these things can show that you're ready to take the relationship to the next step I reckon
@curiosity Hahaha, I think some people refrain from talking about the specifics because it can sound so graphic. Plus I don't think explaining explicit sex acts in great detail to school students goes down very well with the feds. Personally, I think in sex ed, they should talk more about masturbation and personal hygiene.
Safe sex can come with its many myths and we can sometimes turn to other sources for information. Like porn. So our next question is:
7. How do you think porn compares to real sex? Do you think watching porn can influence/shape your attitudes to sexual relationships/sexual acts/sexual interests
> Porn gives us an idea of how sex 'works' although, it's not necessarily a true depiction. There's lots of kinds of porn out there o__O Some of it is absolutely frightening or you just can't believe is even possible. I think it's great to get a basic idea but not so great in how we perceive our partner, our own sexual prowess as well as our body image.
I love this video too, it really highlights so many porn issues
I don't think porn is good for either the male or female, both parties have a bad idea of how we should picture (more so fantasise) about sex when it could really be very simple (ie. without the fancy outfits and palace like beds or the really buff guys and huge bits or the really skinny girls with massive boobs…)
@curiosity There is so much porn out there that I think that people can get confused about what's 'real' and what's 'fake'. And yup, it's definitely true that porn can exaggerate the human body as well as the situation so much.
8. And finally! What have you learnt tonight that you may not have known before?
Let’s summarise this business!
1. What does safe sex mean to you?
It looks like safe sex means the same to most of us (which is good!) It’s keeping you and your partner safe while having your fun-times, helping you to avoid getting a disease you’d rather not have and also preventing unwanted pregnancies. It can also mean making sure both you and your partner are in the right frame of mind and are both consenting.
2. Growing up (or even now), what attitudes about sex have you come across in others – both positive and negative?
There were a few mixed replies for this one. It seems like there’s a lot of different attitudes towards sex. Parents can be both supportive or totally against the idea, and either way it can be awkward to bring up with them. It can be hard in school as well, going from one extreme to the next with students either labelling you a hussy for losing your V-plates, or uptight for not having done it yet. Not to mention the double standards we see with guys getting all the glory for their conquest and girls getting the shame!
3. Did you get any sex ed in school – what was it like? Where else did you learn about sex?
Most of us did sit through some kind sex education class during our school years. How effective they were is up for debate though. It looks like they weren’t so informative or presented in a way that wasn’t quite right. It looks like a lot of our knowledge comes from our friends, and sourcing it out through magazines (like the Dolly sex questions section, am I right?) and the internet, which can bring up a lot of results, but they may not have all the right facts. It was also mentioned that it would be good if sex-education classes involved information on what is and isn’t consent, and how to actually do the deed.
4. Chances are you might find yourself in a situation where your partner doesn’t want to use protection, for one reason or another. What are some ways you can convince them it’s a good idea, and when do you think you should stand your ground?
Reminded your partner about the benefits of safe sex seems the good way to go. Letting them know that you’re not so keen on catching any STI’s and aren’t ready to be raising any kids together will sway most of them, and if not then you should stand your ground. It’s also probably an indicator of a not so healthy relationship if your partner is refusing to practice safe sex.
5. The first time you’re sat down for ‘The Talk’ with a partner is almost always bound to be awkward on both sides. How was your first talk, and is there anything you would change?
The first talk with your partner is pretty much guaranteed to be awkward. But it’s also the perfect opportunity to discuss with your partner how you can both practice safe sex, not to mention leading into discussing what you enjoy and what you don’t about fun-bed-times. It doesn’t look like there was too much we would change when having this talk, so it looks like we know our stuff!
6. What are some myths about safe sex that you’ve heard? How can we bust myths about safe sex?
There’s a few of these, that’s for sure. Using Gladwrap instead of a condom, doubling up on rubbers, using the pull out method, oral sex is risk free and many more. The best way to dispel the myths is information-information-information! Try talking to your GP about what is and isn’t safe sex, as well as checking out some of these awesome websites Think Talk Act - Scarleteen - F*ck Yeah Sex Education - The more you know the better in this instance.
7. How do you think porn compares to real sex? Do you think watching porn can influence/shape your attitudes to sexual relationships/sexual acts/sexual interests
Watching porn can give you a good idea on how things work, and maybe give a few pointers on what to do, but it looks like the best way is to explore with your partner and find out your own way. There are bucket loads of different kinds of porn, and some of it can give a pretty unrealistic view on how things happen. It can also give us unrealistic views on what our partners should look like, and what they should do for us!
I've learnt that there's so much more to be covered in sex ed and there are things that I've forgotten about safe sex that should be talked about
Alrighty! That's it for this week! Hope you guys found this insightful and helpful! Thank you and see you next Monday!
I have to agree, I learnt that sex-ed should have a lot more information for us!
