Taking Your Stress out on Other People & Why it Sucks
By Cheer Squad member michine
Have you ever been so stressed that you’ve lashed out at someone around you?
Many of us have. But why do we do it? Well, in stressful situations we are not our normal selves. We allow our negative emotions to overrule our sense of judgment and change the way we normally act and behave, to become someone who acts on impulse and raw emotion. It is in these times that we are most likely to take out our stress and frustration on the people around us.
Stress can accumulate from a number of different sources, including:
- being emotionally overwhelmed by certain events
- being under the pump with study or work
- worrying about the future and different outcomes
- when things just aren’t going our way.
To get a clearer understanding of stress and when it is out of control have a look into managing stress.
The ways in which we may take our stress out on other people can be both direct and indirect. Direct ways of venting to release our stress and frustration can involve lashing out at people by
- being physically or verbally abusive
- saying and doing things that we would never normally do
- putting other people down to make ourselves feel better.
This can appear in varying levels of severity for example making snide remarks about someone to swearing and personally attacking someone’s certain physical characteristics, beliefs or orientation.
In an indirect method we may take out our stress on other people by more subtle methods including being very short with people, having a short temper or ignoring a friend that we would usually talk to. In some cases we may not even be aware that we are doing it!
While taking our stress out on other people can temporarily make us feel better, it can also seriously damage relationships, particularly if someone is hurt physically, emotionally or mentally as a result of our actions and behavior. Ultimately, taking our stress out on other people will not only put those around us in a worse state but it also means we put ourselves in a difficult spot. At the very least we end up feeling guilty about our behaviour, and in some circumstances there are consequences to our actions which we have to face.
So how do we manage our stress such that we don’t take it out on other people?
There are a lot of different ways to manage stress levels, such as listening to music, going for a run, having some chill out time, or even playing games. In cases where we aren’t able to manage our stress by ourselves, it may be best to take a step back from the situation to clear our head and keep in mind that we cannot let our emotions control us. Rather than taking it out on those around us, we can talk to others about it in order to relieve our tension.
If you have experienced stress affecting your actions and behavior (or someone else's) and would like to learn more, watch from the sidelines or share your ownexperience - join us for the live Getting Real session Monday, September 3rd 8pm AEST.
Yes I'm usually a very quiet peaceful person, but I do have periods of time where I just feel incredibly angry, frustrated and upset with the world, and i do lash out by being a bit snippy, impatient, and less "understanding" about others.
I absolutely hate it, because I know that the "angry person" isn't the real me, it's a person who is merely responding to a very stressful life situation.
There are triggers that set this off, and I think being able to identify the triggers is a really big step in "De-stressing".
For example, recently I began to feel extremely angry at everyone, and I know this was due to my struggle at university level to get the support I needed, in order to access materials with my vision and hearing loss. Lecturers were continuously fighting me, disagreeing with me, and were just so narrow minded in their attitudes and can't do attitudes... My support agencies took 7 weeks to make any move, which meant that I was 7 weeks behind...of course they blamed it on me, when I had just frantically been trying to get in contact with them for 7 month. Boy...that was the turning point, I was angry, and lashed out at everyone. I certainly wasn't feeling polite or gracious in the slightest.when I constantly have to deal with the same thing every single semester with every single lecturer, really, the last thing I wanted to deal with when I had Dad at home dying and yet I was still not granted extensions.. . did that make me angry? YES.
However as the situations are overcome, after a few days, or weeks of "hanging in there", the anger and defensive fight responsse does subside as I realize I don't have to "FIGHT" once the situation is resolved....
As we all know, stress tends to ignite a "flight or fight" reaction, and if our bodies are in "fight too often" we deplete our immune system and make ourselves more run down.
Talking to family was a huge help when I went into a really depressed "slump" about dealing with the stress.
I also enrolled back into piano lessons, which has always been a great passion of mine.
Also made more time for friends, which reminded me that I wasn't as worthless as some people made me feel.
Cheers.
@Clinta wrote:
Yes I'm usually a very quiet peaceful person, but I do have periods of time where I just feel incredibly angry, frustrated and upset with the world, and i do lash out by being a bit snippy, impatient, and less "understanding" about others.
I absolutely hate it, because I know that the "angry person" isn't the real me, it's a person who is merely responding to a very stressful life situation.
There are triggers that set this off, and I think being able to identify the triggers is a really big step in "De-stressing".
For example, recently I began to feel extremely angry at everyone, and I know this was due to my struggle at university level to get the support I needed, in order to access materials with my vision and hearing loss. Lecturers were continuously fighting me, disagreeing with me, and were just so narrow minded in their attitudes and can't do attitudes... My support agencies took 7 weeks to make any move, which meant that I was 7 weeks behind...of course they blamed it on me, when I had just frantically been trying to get in contact with them for 7 month. Boy...that was the turning point, I was angry, and lashed out at everyone. I certainly wasn't feeling polite or gracious in the slightest.when I constantly have to deal with the same thing every single semester with every single lecturer, really, the last thing I wanted to deal with when I had Dad at home dying and yet I was still not granted extensions.. . did that make me angry? YES.
However as the situations are overcome, after a few days, or weeks of "hanging in there", the anger and defensive fight responsse does subside as I realize I don't have to "FIGHT" once the situation is resolved....
As we all know, stress tends to ignite a "flight or fight" reaction, and if our bodies are in "fight too often" we deplete our immune system and make ourselves more run down.
Talking to family was a huge help when I went into a really depressed "slump" about dealing with the stress.
I also enrolled back into piano lessons, which has always been a great passion of mine.
Also made more time for friends, which reminded me that I wasn't as worthless as some people made me feel.
Cheers.
Yeah we often turn into ‘HULK’ versions of ourselves in these times which makes the situation even worse.
Those are some great pointers! I love piano as well, good to see you doing something you are passionate about.
Have you ever been feeling stressed and 'taken it out' on someone else? Who was it & what happened?
I do this quite often, not on a regular basis but when I'm stressed. I usually take it out on anyone that I can talk to, but more my dad because he sometimes says provoking stuff. We just shoved it off and acknowledged I was stressed, or not feeling great for that matter.
HELLO....
I always feel stessed and take it out on people....
i take it out on........(brace ur self it quite a long list)
my sis, my mum, my step dad, my 2 step brothers, my friends, my ex(all 5 of them), my neighbours, my teachers, my family,my besties or anyone i can talk to. they all no why i do it.......coz im stressed
Hi,
I recently broke down in front of my teacher, as I was so stressed about my school work!
All the pressure mounts up, and nobody is really there at school!
I have one friend, but all the other kids seem to think that she needs 'saving' from me.. so its hard to talk to her.
My parents are good, but they just tell me to calm down, it will be okay...
At school they pile on the pressure, and it gets to you, it really does!
@ Micky
Sounds like school is pretty tough for you. School work is most definitely stressful even if some people don't show it. Hopefully your teacher was concerned about you. I guess a good support network at school would be helpful? A trusted teacher or counsellor really does wonders.
I totally understand where that school pressure is coming from. School isn't always rainbows and sunshines. Hopefully you find some of the tips we're discussin later helpful.
Yeah, I am getting into my mass exam time.. and it is INSANE!
I just dont see how making us like this is good? Sure, we need education, but it should not be this bad!
My friend was hospitalized last year due to stress!
Exam time is a very stressful period for many students who can react to the experience very differently. Some students find this stress productive and manage their time better. I know when I use to have piano exams a little stress kept me a bit nervous and excited. I think the stress though showed that I cared about the exam. So it was a good kind of stress if I'm making any sense.
Anywho, my piano teacher always tried to make sure there wasn't too much stress clouding my focus so it was always good to talk to him about it. After all, he's been through it all so who better to talk to than my teacher? 8D
@fosterthepeople wrote:Exam time is a very stressful period for many students who can react to the experience very differently. Some students find this stress productive and manage their time better. I know when I use to have piano exams a little stress kept me a bit nervous and excited. I think the stress though showed that I cared about the exam. So it was a good kind of stress if I'm making any sense.
It's a tough one with exams. I never used to be affected...ever. I went through the HSC and couldn't understand what stress was. Now though...well let's just say it's a different story. It's not so much the stress that really bothers me, but the anxiety. Stress can keep my driven, get me organised and focused; but the anxiety blinds me. That's what's hard to be attentative with, I'm constantly having to practice mindfulness to get myself back to the present moment. It's a viscious process.
@Sophie-RO wrote:
I've noticed that I only take it out on people I'm really close to... immediate family and extremely close friends.... which is so weird when you think about it!? The people I love the most...?
Me too Sophie! I only take it on my mum and sister usually. I agree with what _sagira_ said, I think it's becauseI know that they will stick around regardless of how I treat them, whereas other people will more likely tell me where to go (and rightly so!).
Definitely not. I always apologise afterwards and try to explain my actions if there is an underlying reason for my behaviour.
I have snapped soo many times when I’ve been stressed. One which guilt trips me every time I think about it was when I was studying for my end of semester exams which I’d left quite late…My little sister who was on leave during that time seemed to be walking up and down up and down stairs which drove me crazzzy.I ended up screaming at her for a good 5 minutes.
That definitely not a healthy way to deal with it L. I think by taking a deep breath thinking things over and asking her nicely would have been a much better way for both of us!
To make it up to her I got her a cake.
@michine wrote:To make it up to her I got her a cake.
^_^ Cake!!! But yeah, I agree. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Feel the adrenalin coursing through your veins. Notice them, but realise you can choose how you want to act with it!! I know this can be hard when you're in the heat of the moment, but with practice anyone can change the way they react.
Was lashing out a healthy way to deal with stress? What did you do to make it up to them? 🙂 If you haven't done anything - plan something NOW!
@_sagira_ wrote:
@michine wrote:To make it up to her I got her a cake.
^_^ Cake!!! But yeah, I agree. Sometimes you just need to take a step back and evaluate the situation. Feel the adrenalin coursing through your veins. Notice them, but realise you can choose how you want to act with it!! I know this can be hard when you're in the heat of the moment, but with practice anyone can change the way they react.
I think that's a great message that "with practice anyone can change the way they react".
PS Cake helps too. 🙂
