(TW) Fucking whatever I don’t care
Am I fat peice of shit that just ordered and ate 8 potato cakes in the car park of the fish and chip shop? should my family very much be ashamed of me for being disgusting and useless and not be able to fulfil comments or just be not an idiot person who will probably die soon from being fat and lazy and can’t do any sport because he’s so fucking useless he can’t even ride a bike properly without nearly killing himself and then just ruined his life completely
yes
is it better that my family just disown me considering I’m ruining their lives by being a fucking idiot
yes
so fucking useless
rip the bandaid off already just start digging the hole needed for my grave and we’ll go from there
k thanks
Comments
Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime I'm sorry you're feeling so down about yourself 😞 I sometimes struggle with eating and body image stuff too and it can make you feel so shitty about yourself 😞 On top of this is sounds like you're blaming yourself for getting hurt- I'm not entirely sure what happened but I think you mentioned injuring your back and not being able to work? Am I remembering that correctly? It's not your fault you got injured 😞 You're not useless or fat or lazy- no one deserves to be called those things. You're having a really tough time at the moment and doing the best you can. I think you've got two little ones at home? I can't imagine it's easy to raise a kid let alone two with all of this going on as well as covid and everything.
Eating a lot of stuff all at once can be a way of coping with really tough emotions and feeling like we have control over something. Is it like this for you? Has this kind of thing happened before?
Oh also I just added a trigger warning cause of talking about the eating/body image stuff I hope that's okay
@Lost_Space_Explorer5 Its less about body image (although yes I am a disgusting pig) and more that I am watching everything I have worked for and wanted just fall apart in front of me why did I bother working hard when the haters knew all along that it wouldn’t last, proved them right I am too dumb and too stupid to Do anything with my life can’t provide for my family got rent to pay and family to feed and I’m a pathetic screw up I can’t hold it all together anymore I cannot do anything
I fell off my mountain bike a while ago fucking ripper woo so good
😑
But still didn't you set up your own business?? And finish an apprenticeship/course or something like that? I hope I'm remembering that right. But that kind of stuff takes so much determination and courage. And it's pretty huge having a family as well! Some stuff didn't work out the way we would have hoped, and it can suck, but that doesn't mean you're a screw up. You're trying bloody hard to take care of your family despite everything that's been happening. I mean I know I'm younger than you but they say life is weird in a way that you can end up somewhere doing something you never expected. And not in a bad way, like you can end up doing something you love
Ouch falling off a mountain bike sounds so painful! 😞
Yeah set it up and failed @Lost_Space_Explorer5
now got nothingfailed that like I i have failed everything else in my life
Still, you set up a business! Even if it 'failed', you set up a business! That is so freaking cool, I don't think I'd ever be able to do something like that. Things 'fail' all the time and it sucks but it doesn't make us inherently 'failures'. And @Taylor-RO is right, the injury and covid were out of your control. Those things were unpredictable, you did as much as you could. Losing something doesn't have to mean the end. Like for instance my dad has had many different jobs in his life- from teaching, to owning a store, to doing gardening. Life happens, you know. And that doesn't make it your fault. And that doesn't make all those people who said nasty things to you right. Your kids sound like they love you and would be devastated if you were replaced 😞
When you say it's childish to consider it, do you mean it's childish to consider harming yourself? I don't think it's childish to have those thoughts, people from all different walks of life can have those thoughts and they don't mean you're a bad person. They just mean you're in a lot of pain. At the same time we do want you to be safe and it sounds like reflecting on your age and your family are protective factors? Am I hearing that right?
Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime, I am sorry that you are struggling so much right now. Correct me if I am wrong, but you had to close your business due to injury and COVID right? Those things are out of your control and while it may feel like you have failed, it isn't a reflection of you at all. I know it might not seem true right now, from what you have told us over the years, you are a really strong, selfless and resilient person 
Yeah and I didn’t do enough in the time covid wasn’t fucking everything up to prepare for this @Taylor-RO
god I’m so fucking useless
absolutelg useless all I can hear is everyone saying to me as a kid that I’ll never amount to anything he was right
not a truer word was spoken
Wish I was dead right about now and then maybe my kids can find a better dad to replace me
I imagine there is only so much that anyone could do, right @Saltwaterdreamtime? I am not saying this is true for you but it was a shit time (still has been, up until recently) and it would have been hard to feel motivated and driven to prepare yourself. If you ask me, I'd say that you did the best you could which is all anyone can do in a once in a lifetime situation.
I am sorry that people had said that to you in the past, nobody deserves to hear those words, especially a kid. I don't know your history but I remember that you have said that you have come so far since being a kid. I can hear that all of this is taking you to a low point tonight and I am worried about you. Will you be safe tonight?
Been at a low point for weeks tipping point being tonight when I realised I have let so many people down including myself @Taylor-RO @everyone I know is disappointed in me
I can hear that things are really tough tonight and that you are doing a lot of reflection @Saltwaterdreamtime. Are you going to harm yourself tonight?
You are going through something really difficult, a lot of different emotions and thoughts can pop up @Saltwaterdreamtime. You are doing the best job that you can and that is always enough. I need to log off now but if you need to chat to someone, please call Suicide Call Back Service or Mensline. You don't have to deal with this on your own.
So childish of me to even considerate it Jesus Chris T I m not 16 anymore @Taylor-RO
looks lime we are heading for another lockdown. I feel like I want to hurt myself now
Hey @Saltwaterdreamtime , the idea of going into lockdown again is really scary and frustrating. It feels like you just got out of one, so I completely understand why seeing a rise in cases might be overwhelming. Are you safe right now?
