Feel so different but its too hard to talk about.
I don't know what to say right now/what to do. I have no idea. I don't know how to talk about this which I get that it may seem well like why are you saying this then. I feel so different to everyone in the world and I don't feel the same way about things that everyone else in the world does with certain things and I am always reminded about it and it weighs so heavy on my heart and no one else feels this particular way about this particular thing that I don't know how to talk about. Hope this makes even the slightest bit of sense but probably not. I feel so alone/ I know I am so alone in this, people would think "no you're not alone with whatever it is" but I am. I know it and I can't deal with it.
Alex.
Comments
Hello 🖐,
It has been a while since I have come on here and spoken about it and sadly still feel the same way. I am always reminded about how I crave different kinds of kisses, it is always beyond hard to see that I am the ONLY one that wants what means more. I will always be reminded about it because it is ALL that society shows and ALL that people want except me which I can tell you in beyond lonely. It's hard when that is what is constantly being thrown in your face. It hurts.
Kindly Alexandra
Hey there @Alexandra_ ! Welcome back to the forums, it’s really nice to hear from you again 😊
It sounds like the idea of wanting different things in romantic relationships is still weighing heavily on your mind. I am really sorry to hear that you are feeling lonely because of it. I think it’s so important to acknowledge and appreciate all the beautifully different ways affection can be shown, which are in no way limited to what is predominantly presented on social media or in public.
I remember you mentioned somewhere in your thread that you found a woman on Instagram who you felt you could really relate to. Have you found anyone else in your life or on social media who you can relate to since then?
I also remembered that you mentioned you were hoping to open up to a professional about how you’ve been feeling, and I was curious to know whether you had the opportunity to do so since the last time we heard from you?
It’s really great to have you here again 💛
I did find a woman from Germany on instagram who seems to want head kisses and cheek ones which mean more as you won't just give them to anyone and the man is my dream guy cause he does those things, he is smart in my mind {tick he gets it}, I have since came across some that do seem to want them more than other people although sadly it's hard for me to see and be able to acknowledge that myself as it is 98% not what you see and probably won't ever be lets be honest. I don't know about anyone in my life that I would be able to relate too. I tried to speak to someone about it although she didn't seem to maybe want to talk about that although maybe it was because I maybe didn't know how to open up about it due to me feeling very very different because no one else is saying they want those things/show that they maybe do except for the few people I have come across and because no one even here I think off memory has said that they want them too which maybe confirms this for me.
Kindly Alex
G'day @Alexandra_ ,
Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your thoughts with us.
Just like people have different tastes and preferences, it seems the way one person appreciates a show of affection varies from person to person.
It is important to be comfortable with what you are feeling. As you reach out, we hope other young people will be able to share their experiences with you.
You are not alone.
Hey @Alexandra_
I'm so glad you've reached out to us to get some support with what you're going through at the moment. I can totally understand feeling like something is too hard to talk about, you've done really well making that first step and posting your feelings here.
You've mentioned not feeling able to talk about a particular thing, is this something that has happened recently or something you've been dealing with for a while?
It sounds like you feel like other people have had a different reaction to the situation, have you spoken to someone about it or did they experience it too?
I can relate to feeling alone no matter how many times people tell you that you're not, but want to let you know that we are here and we want to support you ❤️
Sincerely Alexandra.
Sent from my iPhone
Hey @Alexandra_
Thank you for being so honest with us, It sounds like this feeling of being different has been weighing heavily on you and I'm really glad that you've been able to share this with us.
I was wondering if you could describe a recent incident where you felt different to others around you?
I know you mentioned that you crave different things that no one else seems to want and I was wondering if you could share more about this and what is making you feel like this?
It sounds like it has been a difficult time for you and that you have been experiencing this for a while, I know you said that you have mostly kept this to yourself and was wondering whether you have considered sharing how you're feeling with someone or whether you had any support from either a friend, family member or professional support through a GP or mental health professional?
Again I just wanted to thank you for being so honest and for sharing this with us. Remember that we are all here to support you.
Yes feeling different really weighs on me and has for a while. The way in which I feel different is in terms of love in what everyone else wants and what I want. This is random but people only want lip kisses and I just don’t as it’s just not what my heart craves. I want the sweeter kinds of kisses like forehead ones that I feel won’t just be done to anyone. That’s the main reason where I feel different and am always reminded about it in social media and tv shows and movies.
I have in the past tried to mention this to my mother but kind of without mentioning it if that makes sense like not through many words and she basically at the time was like “why would you want that” which hurt so much although recently I have opened up about this briefly to my parents and it has gone well. It is the randomness thing I realise although I can’t help it. I just want different things.
Sincerely Alexandra.
Sent from my iPhone
Hi there @Alexandra_ thank you for opening up some more about feeling different. It's pretty tough when you start to notice the things that make you different from others - i can think of times when I've felt the same, and it does weigh heavy, as you said.
I want you to know that differences are celebrated here, and we welcome people from different walks of life to share their feelings about the world and life in general. So, thank you for being open about what kinds of affection you crave because I bet other people feel the same and haven't known how to put it into words.
It sounds like you are looking for romantic expressions of affection and don't see that represented in social media, tv and movies, is that right?
Also, I'm sorry to hear that when you opened up to your mum, she didn't respond in a way that made you feel supported. It's good to hear that when you brought it up recently, the conversation went well - it's so helpful when friends and family get where you're coming from!
It's totally okay to want different things, and I'm glad we've got someone like yourself opening up about it. Are there other things that make you feel different? You're safe to share that kind of stuff here 😌
Thank you for being so kind. It is nice to know that peoples differences are celebrated and welcomed here. I guess by you saying that differences are celebrated her that it confirms that I am different.
Forehead kisses are not shown in real life, movies, tv shows and social media which doesn't help me at all in regards to feeling different. Although I do see sometimes that couples do get the cute kinds of kisses like head kisses and forehead kisses although I more so see mouth ones more so people don't seem to want the kinds that I want, I am just different and feel alone. I am so alone in it and I feel as though I will never find anyone and be loved, I am also so different in the sense that people only seem to want sex whereas I am more affectionate. People think that cats aren't affectionate but don't realise all the sex references that people make all the time and also tv shows and media only show that. It makes me feel that I should change my love for being held which I don't want to because I am proud of being affectionate and I think others should be too. So it is really irritating when people say that cats aren't affectionate cause to me people aren't at all.
sincerely Alexandra.
Hey @Alexandra_ After reading through your thread, I wanted to say well done on reaching out and sharing so much with us. I think that shows just how brave and courageous you are and I think that is definitely worth acknowledging!
I'm sorry to hear that you feel so different and alone in this. No one deserves to feel like they are so different that they won't ever find anyone or be loved in the way they need. Do you mind me asking what it is that makes you feel like you are the different one and not anyone else? It's true that forehead kisses and other, more affectionate actions aren't often shown in real life. Sometimes we need something more and that is absolutely okay! Have you heard of the 5 love languages? I used to struggle because I always felt like I was asking too much in a relationship, like what I really wanted wasn't something easily given. So when I learnt that there are more ways to show physical affection, it made me realise that I did deserve more and that what I was asking for wasn't too much at all.
It also sounds like a lot to be dealing with on your own, so I was just wondering if you have shared these thoughts with anybody? Is there someone that you would feel comfortable talking to about all of this?
We're all here for you 💜
Thank you for the reply and thank you for acknowledging me talking about this as it is very hard. I feel as though I am the different one as no one from what you see seems to want the kinds of kisses I want as I don't really see it well I sometimes do on Instagram but mostly not it seems, although there is a woman from Germany that seems to love them too and gets them which I love and the fiance gives her them which I love, like I instantly like him cause of that. I'm just also different cause I seem more affectionate like I would need to be held by someone to feel loved and I need to realise more that if someone really loves me then he will do that. And yeah it is true that forehead kisses aren't shown and that really gets me down and I feel as though I would need/want those ones more than just sometimes.
In regards to sharing it with someone I still am trying to think about who and how i would start it but I'm just worried about what people would think and their assumed thoughts. Thank you again for being so kind.
Sincerely Alexandra.
Hey @Alexandra_
Good on you for sharing this, it takes alot to open up so Im really glad you have. I can hear how much you worry about being different - most people just want to fit in so its natural to feel this way.
Sounds like perhaps a big concern for you is that youre worried you may not find someone that shares the same type of affection that you are after. This uncertainty is super common and it can be really hard to sit with.
Im wondering though how different you really are. I think there are many people who are not into the full on tongue kisses that our tv and cinema screens bombard us with. I can also certainly see how tv and social media has normalised this and perhaps even created an expectation that we should be doing this if we are in love with someone and that this is how we show affection.
On social media, people generally only post when they are having a good time, when they are smiling. Similarly, on TV and movies, they often sensationalise an intimate scene for entertainment purposes. But in real life, I think we can then develop a sense that we need to be like and act like those people we see on social media and movies, but that often its not realistic.
Wanting to be held by someone to feel loved and cared for, is completely normal to me. Im glad you tried to talk to mum about this but you must have felt quite dismissed with her response. Worrying about other's judgement of us is normal but can prevent us from opening up and externalising our thoughts and feelings, which can itself be really helpful.
Im wondering if it might help to consider 'whats the best thing that could happen if I told someone i trust', rather than what we commonly do of thinking 'what if the worst case scenario happens'.
Yes it is really hard to open up to something like this given that no one feels the same way. I am always reminded about it, about how different I am, because no one wants what I want it seems. And in terms of love I won’t ever find someone who shares what I want although I have also come to the realisation that love mustn’t be for me as I don’t share the same wanting as society as my heart just craves different things.
I one day hopefully want to open up to someone professional about all this and hope that it can help to get it off my chest more although I don’t want them to judge me as they probably wouldn’t feel the same.
Sincerely Alexandra.
Sent from my iPhone
Hey @Alexandra_ I just wanted to chime in on your thread to say how much I admire your courage to open up about your feelings with us 😌 How do you feel after opening up about this?
I hope some other community members can join in the conversation and share their experiences because I know that other people share your feelings about affection!
It sounds like getting this off your chest to a professional will be helpful when you're ready to do that. You've already made such a great step by coming here and talking about your experience, and that's something to be proud of.
Sorry I sound so negative there, I need to try to be more positive.
