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I wish things could be easy.

I feel like we're always hearing from the media and the people around us about how "life is hard," "nothing good comes easy," "no pain no gain," the people who succeed are the ones who work the hardest, and "life's not fair" "life isn't a picnic," either implying or directly saying "so, toughen up." So I never thought it was possible for things to be easy, or that I deserved or had the right to ask for 'easy.' But I actually am realising right now that that's all I want. I give 110% in everything I do, and it still isn't enough. I always feel like there's some battle or other going on inside of me. It makes all the good things in life seem tiny and stupid and not worth it, compared to the huge difficulty. I don't think we should glorify hard work and endurance so much. Is it ok to ask for ease, comfort, stillness, enjoyment? I don't want to keep pushing myself through life like this. Why can't I be good enough the way I am. What do you guys think? How can I make things become easier?

lemurien
lemurienPosted 05-04-2022 07:26 PM

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fishyie
fishyiePosted 06-04-2022 03:33 PM

hi @lemurien

 

that's a really tough way to be feeling, so thank you for reaching out and sharing it with us here. i agree that the media/society really does promote working hard (too hard) and pushes us to constantly search for the next bigger and better thing. we rarely are given the time to enjoy those good things, such as getting a good grade on a test but then you have to start studying for the next one right away. 

 

there is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to not have to give 110% percent and instead want ease and comfort in your life. are you willing to share something that happened recently that you enjoyed and brought you happiness/contentment?

 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 07-04-2022 01:53 AM

thanks for listening@fishyie , that's so true. I feel there  is a vibe from society that even when you have a success you should always be looking for 'areas for improvement,' e.g. if you did well on one test that doesn't mean you should rest on your laurels (another awful saying) because you can always do better next time or there's always some other subject or area of life that you need to work harder at. Why? what is the need for continuous improvement? what purpose does it serve in the end. it's better to be relaxed and happy since our life is short. 

 

lately the only thing I do that feels a little peaceful is looking at the photos and videos my sister sends me of her little cats. I have never had a pet, I love how they're so silly and do the most random cute things. no thoughts head empty 😂

 
 
 
fishyie
fishyiePosted 10-04-2022 03:40 PM

i agree! and although there can be a time and place for growing and developing, there is no point if you can't take the time to rest and appreciate what you've done. if you're just constantly stressed and always working you can't actually enjoy your life. and like you said it can be very short so i believe it's really important to take that time. 

 

aw that's so adorable! you really can't go wrong with cute cats especially when they're being silly! it's good that there is something you know you can always enjoy and i'm glad your sister is happy to share those pictures and videos of her cats. 

 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 05-04-2022 11:09 PM

Hey @lemurien thank you for sharing with us today.

The Media certainly does portray that the harder you work, the more successful you are, which really is an awful way to look at it. It puts so much extra pressure on us to work hard and do well in life. I think it's so important here to remember that life is hard enough on its own and one persons 'hard' is different to the next. 

I am sorry to hear that you always feel like there's some kind of battle going on inside you, I can only imagine how horrible and exhausting that would feel. I can hear just how hard you have been working and I do think its definitely okay to ask for ease, comfort, stillness and enjoyment. I just want to add that you are good enough, just the way you are and we are so lucky to have you here in our community with us.

In terms of making things easier on yourself, do you feel comfortable sharing more about the things that you are finding hard right now? What is it that you would like to make easier? 

We are all here for you 💜

 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 07-04-2022 02:09 AM

thank you for chatting@Courtney-RO🙂 it's probably easier to ask what isn't difficult... For years since I have been taking those mood questionnaires with my GP and psych, and even when things are going better for me, for the part that asks about "everything feels like an effort", I always answer 5/5. it really drags me down. some things I find so so hard are:

- going to sleep

- getting out of bed

- going to work and doing my job

- talking to people in a way that seems normal and a way that they will like me

- making food for myself

- doing things around the house like laundry or cleaning up

- having to live in a sharehouse with people who are not considerate, and it was so hard to even find this place to live at all. why is it so hard to simply get a roof over your head?

- keeping up with family and friends

- finding time and energy to do things that are fun

- trying to force myself to change my thoughts and do things my psychologist tells me to

- enduring pain every day from mental health and physical health

 

even thinking about tackling anything on that list is so hard. 

 
 
 
Portia_RO
Portia_ROPosted 07-04-2022 12:12 PM

Hey @lemurien , I just want to start by saying that I completely relate to what you're saying about 'hard work' and 'being tough'. Exhaustion is so often used as a status symbol - people praise us when we are 'grinding' and burnt out because for some reason we've decided that it's admirable to ignore our own limits and sacrifice our self-care for productivity and achievement. I think that with a bit more rest, play and silliness, we would actually be a lot more happy and productive! 

 

It sounds like you're struggling quite a bit with day-to-day living at the moment. It can be so hard when even the simplest of tasks like making a meal or getting out of bed doesn't feel so simple anymore, especially if you're living with people that you don't find supportive or considerate. What do you do to rest and recooperate when things start feeling really taxing? Is there anyone else you can lean on to help make these tasks a little easier? 

 

You also mentioned that you've been seeing a GP and a psych for a while. Have you told them how much you're struggling with this list of things at the moment? 

 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 09-04-2022 01:46 PM

hi @Portia_RO it's good to hear from people on the forum that you guys have the same view as me on this. I think we are expected to pursue exhaustion to the point that, like you said, it's not even productive anymore. Like we would genuinely get more stuff done, to a better standard, if we worked less and were under less pressure.

 

these simple things have honestly never felt simple and I've always been so ashamed of it. Because of the 'try harder' mentality I thought I was choosing not to overcome this because I was lazy and weak. Then I tried therapy and medication to treat depression, but it didn't help that much so it just reinforced my view of myself - I thought I really must be terrible if depression wasn't the reason I couldn't do things. And also thought I obviously wasn't trying hard enough to improve my mood. And now ADHD treatment has been added to the mix and I'm still waiting for it to help. It's like, what am I doing wrong, and why is this so hard, I just want to give up.

 

I am still living in the city I went to uni, away from my family and my close friends. I don't feel close to my uni friends anymore and I feel like they are all struggling too so I don't feel I can ask them for support, so I feel very alone. But I think that is a self-isolating mindset, so I am going to try to reach out.

 

yes, I have been trying really hard with getting support from my GP, psychologist and now a psychiatrist as well. but trying to follow their advice is another thing that is really hard. And trying different medications, and deciding whether or not they are helping, and dealing with their side effects is hard. And the 3 of them (the clinicians) have different opinions on things and give me conflicting advice, which is just so hard to understand what I should actually do.

 

Thanks for listening to my venting. but luckily, things are a bit better right now, because I have the school holidays off from work, so now I can rest for a bit.

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 09-04-2022 09:06 PM

I'm sorry to hear that these things have never felt simple, but you should never feel ashamed for it @lemurien The 'try harder' mentality really is such an awful one to have when it comes to mental health as it does make us feel lazy, weak and like we're not putting in enough effort. But the truth is that mental health is exhausting! Having to battle all these heavy emotions from the moment you wake up is hard work and then adding new medications on top of that, its a lot. I think it's completely understandable that you feel like these things are such an effort.

 

I'm also sorry to hear that all three clinicians are giving you conflicting advice. I can only imagine how overwhelming and confusing that would be. I was just wondering if you have spoken to them about how confusing this is for you? I am also wondering if there might be someone that could oversee all of this information and make it a bit easier on you.

 

That is so great to hear that you have the school holidays off from work! Do you have any exciting plans coming up? 💜

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 10-04-2022 06:07 PM

Hey @Courtney-RO what do you mean by someone who could oversee all the information? that sounds like it would be helpful.

 

I have gone interstate for the holidays to be with my family. But they are all struggling to cope with their own lives so the atmosphere is not very positive. It doesn't seem like I can rely on anyone. 

 
 
 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 10-04-2022 09:59 PM

Hi again @lemurien

 

Someone who oversees all the information could be someone like a case worker, youth worker or a support worker. Do you have access to any of those supports?

 

I was also wondering if you trust either of your supports to share your concern about conflicting information? It is annoying that you are in this position but they may be able to provide some clarity on why you might be getting so many different view points. I imagine it must make such a mess of an already confusing and stressful situation. 

 

I am sorry to hear about your family not being people that you can rely on. That must be tough seeing as you went all that way to spend time with them. I know it can be hard to be around people that are negative or unable to support you. I am not sure if you are feeling this way but it can feel lonely and upsetting. Is there a way that you can still enjoy some moments of your trip? You've earned it with all that hard work 💖

 

 
 
 
 
 
lemurien
lemurienPosted 23-04-2022 09:38 PM

Hey @Taylor-RO🙂 I don't have a support worker or anything like that. I'm not sure how I would get one but it sounds like a good idea. I've decided to link in with headspace so maybe they can help me with that?

 

I finally had another appointment with the psychiatrist yesterday and I told him that I became anxious and unsure when my GP disagreed with his advice, and that I ultimately decided not to act on either of their advice until I could see him, because I was too confused. He honestly scolded me about it and told me I was wrong to listen to my GP over him because she doesn't have the same expertise. I left that appointment so upset, I felt so let down by him as a clinician. It is so difficult, expensive and time consuming to get linked in with a psychiatrist and I thought that once I was finally seeing one, the hardest part would be over, but that hasn't been the case. Well, I don't think I can continue with him, so that is why I've decided to see if headspace can help.

 

Thankyou for your support and I have been able to enjoy some of my holiday, spending some quality time with my siblings and my closest friend of 11 years 🙂

 
 
 
 
 
Courtney-RO
Courtney-ROPosted 23-04-2022 11:02 PM

Hi @lemurien I'm sorry to hear about your appointment yesterday, it sounds like it would have been really stressful and overwhelming. I can certainly see why you left the session feeling upset and let down by your psychiatrist. It really can be so time consuming and expensive to find a clinician, so to leave the session feeling unsupported is such an awful feeling. Headspace is a really great support service, it might be worth talking to them about other services they offer so that you won't have to worry about any more conflicting advice. 

I'm glad to hear that you were able to enjoy some of your holiday though. What kind of fun things did you get up to with your siblings and your closest friend? 💜

Anonymous
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Jennifer-RO
Jennifer-ROPosted 25-04-2022 10:48 AM

Hi @lemurien

 

It’s awful to hear that that has been your experience of the mental health system so far – there is definitely a lot of demand and waiting at times. It can be difficult receiving help from a professional that doesn’t take the time to really understand you, and have you involved in your own journey of wellbeing. Part of good healthcare should be in making informed decisions, and that means receiving enough information from our providers to be able to do that.

 

I hope that when you have another session with someone, it is a better fit. It can take a while to find a professional to work with that ‘gets us’ and really communicates in a way that feels comfortable and is helpful to what we need.

 

I’m glad to hear that you are spending time doing things with family and friends as well as relaxing! 😃

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