My husband not talking much
Hello there,
It has been long I have not posted. The help I recieved in my previous post was incredible and the suggestions and support I recieved helped me to cope up more. I would like to thank the community for reaching out.
I dont if it is because of me or any other reasons I dont feel connected with my husband. He does not talk much with me. We have almost no fun together. He has always been a introvert since we met and most of them both of are working and we rarely get time to go out. But I still feel if my husband wanted we could easily go out or had some time together like going for beach walks nearby. I dont know whether if it is because of me or because of less of time or lack of initiative between us we are not having quality time together. I feel too much overwhelmed and no fun in life and disconnected with nature at the same time fraustated with the fact my husband not talking and seeing hime always in bad mood or too much silent. Most of the time I talk with him and I generate conversations but if I stop or wait hike for him to initiate a talk he does not. It has been times when he does not speak a work while driving 15 minutes together if I wait for him to talk or have an intention to let him start the talk. There are many other things happening mentally and emotionally which has significantly affected my physical health as well. I will be posting more to reach out with this community so that I could get some suggestions, your experiences and advices or any further help you could suggest me to. I am grateful to be the part of this community where I can share everything happening through my emotions and my mental health.
Regards,
Survivor77
Comments
Welcome back to the forums @Survivor-77!
This sounds like a really difficult issue. If I were in your position and this was a sudden change, I would be wondering whether something is wrong. I can also imagine that you could be experiencing a lot of worry and loneliness when your husband does not attempt to communicate with you.
I'm just wondering whether you have tried to have a conversation about his lack of communication and the effect it could be having on you. For example, you could say something like, 'When we don't have conversations or spend time with each other, I feel lonely and worried because it makes me feel as though you've lost interest in our relationship.'
Hello @WheresMySquishy
Thank you for replying.I have been married for 2 years. We were in relationship for about 3 years before gettting married. It was mostly long distance relationship and we mostly talked on the phone and video calls. He has always been like a very good listener and I was the one who used to talk a lot and I kinda pretty liked him not talking much because I always had a lot to say to him every day. Before he always used take initiative if things went wrong between us like sending me message first and trying to get connected again.I have communicated with hime about me feeling worried and lonely when we dont tlk much or not going out. He said he feels happy and like to talk only if I am doing good such as doing my things on time, eating on time and doing cleanliness and cooking when I am home. He does cleaning and cooks everytime he is home. He said that makes him angry and does not want to talk. He says you are just lazy and not like struggling with anything. I have been trying my best to take care of myself more and improve relationship with myself so that we would be more happy together. I feel it is because I am not doing good so he is like that. THANKS for understanding and listening to me. through chat. I will try more to let him know how I feel.
Regards,
Survivor
Hi @Survivor-77 ,
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling like you've lost that sense of connection with your husband- it can feel really lonely when you're in a relationship with someone, but don't feel like you're truly connecting. I think a lot of people here could relate to that.. do you mind if I ask how long you've been married for? You mention he's always been an introvert - do you feel like you used to communicate more in the past?
We have an article here all about what to do when you're feeling lonely in your relationship , and I'm wondering if some of that may resonate with you- I also really like the work that a guy called John Gottman has done about relationsihps and especially looking at what makes long term relationships work - if you're someone who enjoys TED talks, I think this one was really great.
We're really glad you found this community, it's a safe space to chat about the different things that are happening in your life and I hope you find it helpful - we are all here to listen 💛
Hello @Janine-RO
Thank you for the links. We have been married for 2 years now. The thing which is different now is he does not take initiative to start a conversation first when things get wrong between us. Before he understood that I was having a difficult time when I felt low. But nowadays he thinks I am just lazy because things are not changing for me. Hopefully, i will be able to work on myself so that things get better for us. Much thanks
@Survivor-77 I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling disconnected from your husband, that must be really upsetting. I know you've said it's difficult to communicate with your husband at the moment, but do you think he'd be open to talking things through? Or maybe even to doing some couples counselling, if it's something you think could be helpful?
Relationships can be tough to navigate sometimes - I think everyone goes through rough patches and it can be really helpful to have support to work things out.
Like @StormySeas17 I noticed that you've mentioned that you're struggling with your mental, emotional and physical health and I'm wondering if you have any support with that for yourself?
Hello @Philippa-RO
Thank you for your reply.Thank you for mentioning couple counselling i never thought about it. I had been attending some counselling sessions before about it. I also try to enagage in online sessions to support myself. My counsellor advised me that Iam dealing with anxiety. Reading motivational books helps me as well.
@Survivor-77 I'm sorry to hear that this is such a difficult time for your relationship. It sounds like you've lost a lot of the positive connections you had with your husband, and that you feel like he isn't responding to you. You mentioned that he has always been introverted but it seems particularly difficult to communicate at the moment. Could I ask how long this has been going on for? Is there anything that happened just before this that might give some clues about why your husband is acting like this?
You also said that there are a few things that are bothering you outside of your relationship. Do you have anyone in your life that you can talk to for advice or support with these experiences?
Hello @StormySeas17
Thank your for your reply. We have been married for two years. He has been always an introvert. We dated for 3 years before getting married. It was mostly a long-distance relationship. He usually does this when I am not taking good care of myself such as eating, not cleaning when I am home. He says I am just lazy. and I also get angry tell him a lot of things and he holds that for a longer time whereas I tend to move on with fight so quickly. It has been so long we have not gone out together, We both are working a lot or I don't know we both are not showing initiative to go out. I am trying not to be angry with him and tell him things that makes things worse. Nowdays, I just trying to work on myself so that things also get better between us and I also communicate with hime how I feel we dont talk or go out.
Much Thanks.
Hi @Survivor-77 it sounds like you have been noticing this since you moved in together and that you are struggling with communicating when you have conflicts. I would agree with the couples counselling idea if you think it might work, it sounds like you could get something out of being able to identify the reasons behind some of these patterns. You said you are trying to communicate more about how you feel if you don't talk or go out. Has this been helpful for you?
Hi @Survivor-77
It sounds like the changes in your relationship have been difficult to adjust to. It may be possible that you both have different ways of dealing with conflict. You might also have different needs and expectations for social situations as well. As in, your husband prefers to stay at home but you would like to go out more, is that right?
I imagine that being called lazy must make you feel really upset when you are doing your best to cope with your struggles. It is great to hear that you have been able to talk to your husband about these issues and that you are working on yourself. It sounds like you put in a lot of effort into improving things in your life. I know someone mentioned this elsewhere but it might be helpful to consider couples counselling. Do you think that is something that your husband would be open to doing? Do you think it would be helpful?
