TW. How can I tell the difference between intrusive thoughts of suicide and actually being suicidal?
I have OCD, and, it's been rough recently. I've been having bad anxiety attacks almost every day, sometimes several in a day. After panic attacks, I get depressed. It's been getting worse.
I have been having thoughts of self harm and suicide. But, I know that OCD can cause intrusive thoughts of self harm, so I'm not sure if it's actually that.
But, it doesn't feel like other intrusive thoughts. It feels like I'm tired and hopeless and in pain and just want to end. It gets like this nearly every day.
I've been close to doing it.
What do I do?
Comments
Sorry to hear that you have been feeling that way recently... 🙁
Those feelings can be so scary and exhausting. Panic attacks can really tire you out and make you feel down.
Are you safe at the moment? How was your day today?
I hope that you have been able to do some self-care today. ❤️
Let us know how you are when you're able to
Hi @ayrc_1904 I'm safe right now. Had one bad panic attack yesterday, but didn't hurt myself (yes, partially because I couldn't find a place away from people, yes, partially because I was at a music festival and they check you for anything, and yes, I did almost use something else, and yes, the main reason I didn't was because I couldn't get enough of a break in my compulsions to do anything, but the point is, I didn't self-harm).
In summary, music festival, Birds of Tokyo and Pete Murray, beat an ocd thought (realised I rarely bother to do that), no self harm (fine, yes, the urge to do it, and a bit of suicidality but not enough to do it, I was mostly safe most of the time),
But anyway, it was mostly a good day.
Thank you for telling me you're safe ❤️ Those thoughts can be really difficult and scary 🙁 I'm really proud of you for not self-harming. Regardless of the reason why, you managed to distract yourself and that's something to be proud of. Was the music festival fun?
How are you feeling this past week?
I'm really glad to hear that you're safe at the moment. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, intrusive thoughts can be super overwhelming so really well done for reaching out for some support.
That's really awesome that you managed to fight the urge to self-harm, even if it was because of the reasons you listed, it's still an achievement. Having distractions is actually a really helpful way to get through the urge. Are there other things you could do that might be good as a distraction?
I'm wondering if you've talked to your GP or a psychologist about how you're feeling? If you feel like you need to chat to someone when you're feeling suicidal, the Suicidal Callback Service is available 24/7.
(Also just letting you know that I’ve edited your post slightly to take out the method of self-harm. This can be triggering to other community members and we want everyone to stay safe 😊)
Hi @Crocidolite_Blue I'm sorry to hear that you've been having such bad anxiety attacks everyday and that after these attacks, you've been feeling depressed. I can only imagine how awful and how scary that must feel. As you have mentioned self-harm and suicide and how close you have been, do you mind me asking if you are safe right now?
It can be so hard managing such heavy feelings on your own, so I was just wondering if there is someone you feel comfortable talking to about this? If you would like to talk to someone, it might be worth reaching out to a service like Kidshelpline who can offer you some additional support.
If you are up for a bit of reading, we have some articles that may be helpful. We have articles on Panic attacks which also offer some tips on how to manage it, Suicidal thoughts and even an article on Challenging these types of thoughts. I'm going to send you an email shortly just to check-in with you too.
I also just want to remind you that you're not alone and we're always here for you 💜
