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TW: Not coping
Hey everyone,
How are you all going?
Is anyone up for a chat?
Thanks
I've got covid rn, so annoying, can't speak face to face with anyone apart from to ask for food. Anyone got some good online games, or real life activities to do when you're trapped in a room?
Hey @Walter-RO @Bre-RO @Iona_RO @Blake_RO @Dem--RO @Courtney-RO
How are you all doing?
I'm not feeling that great tonight anyone up for a chat?
I went for a walk this avo. I thought it would help, but it just made everything worse with the suicidal thoughts like last week, so that's great. I'm safe, though now at home.
Thanks hope you don't mind me reaching out for a chat.
Hey @Red_Flamingo! It's lovely to hear from you again 😊
I'm sorry to hear that you're not feeling great tonight and that your walk only made everything worse. Is thee something else you could do tonight to distract yourself, even just a little bit? We have some really great games threads going on at the moment if you're interested at all!
And thank you for letting us know that you're safe 💜
Hey@Courtney-RO
Thanks I hope it's okay.
Yeah it's so annoying I try and do something to help and then all I think about is how I can end it which is awful.
Not sure today is going to be any better because my parents are going out to some concert and when I'm alone it just makes everything even more worse.
Hey @Red_Flamingo
I don't blame you for feeling annoyed, that totally makes sense! It sounds like you're really doing the best that you can. I hope you're feeling okay with your parents not being home. Sometimes it can help to find a distraction that is really immersive, like watching your favourite movie
Yeah I'm trying just to get through each day. Today has sucked but oh well nothing ever seems to change so it doesn't matter.
I did watch a tv show so that was okay I guess. @Taylor-RO
Hey @Courtney-RO @Dyzma @Navy_Goat @Bre-RO @Walter-RO @Dem--RO @Iona_RO @Natalie-RO
I hope you're all well.
I had my appointment with the psychiatrist today, and he thinks I may have "quite BPD", which is a shock. However, I am unsure if I have it, so I'm a bit lost with what to do.
Thanks
Hey @Red_Flamingo how are you feeling today?
Gosh, receiving a possible diagnosis can bring up so many emotions, so I can understand your feeling shocked yesterday. Did your psychiatrist give you some information about quiet BPD to look at?
I want to share a Q&A we had with a psychologist on coping with a diagnosis - you might find that conversation helpful to read through when you're up to it. Let me know what you think if you decide to check it out 😌
Also, just wondering if you've been able to chat about this news with friends or family?
Hope you're doing okay today and chat soon!
Hi @Bre-RO
Not good at all, but I never am, so it doesn't matter.
I feel like I don't matter as a person. Everyone would be better off without me anyway. I need all this to stop. I swear, for the past few weeks, all I seem to keep getting is bad news after bad news. It's just all getting too much for me right now. I'm continuing to spiral, which isn't good, as I am home alone today. I hopefully can make it through the day. I'm sure I can find something to distract me.
No, he didn't, so I've been left to work this out myself. I don't even see him again, so I don't know what to do now.
It defiantly has been a shock. I have been talking to my aunt, a counsellor who has experience with people with BPD, and she said she doesn't think I have it. I'll have to wait till I talk to my psychologist next week and see what he thinks.
I haven't talked to my parents about it. I don't think they would understand. But, to be honest, I don't think I have it as I've been researching and don't have many of the main characteristics of someone with quite BPD.
Thank you for checking in on me, though. I don't have many people around me who understand what is happening.
Aw @Red_Flamingo I'm so sorry you're feeling alone and shocked.
It sounds like this news has rattled you, which is understandable. When I've been through similar situations, what helped me was reminding myself that I don't need to wrap my head around big news straight away. Understanding your mental health isn't something that happens overnight, and it's important to take it one step at a time.
In saying that, it can be hard to put that into practice, but I can see that you're already doing positive things for yourself. Speaking to your auntie, a counsellor, and opening up to us about this were amazing steps to take. How was it chatting with your auntie and counsellor?
Talking to your psychologist about this is a great idea. I just realised that the link to the coping with diagnosis thread is broken, so I'll repost here - I really recommend checking it out if you're up to it because it touches on some of the concerns you have.
Also, just a heads up that I'm going to check in via email 😊
Hey @Bre-RO
I guess so. I just need to wait and see what happens. Yeah, I did try the link and it didn't work but that one does now so I will have a look at it thank you.
My aunty is a counsellor, but it was good she is very helpful.
Hey @Red_Flamingo That is so great that your aunty is a counsellor! It sounds like she's been such a great support for you already.
You mentioned earlier that you don't feel like you matter, but I just want to say that you do matter, especially to us. We love having you here as part of our community and I can only imagine how important you are to people off the forums too.
I'm sorry to hear that your psychiatrist wasn't very helpful after letting you know that they thought you might have quiet BPD. I know a few people with Quiet BPD and have learnt that the symptoms can differ from one person to the next. Do you feel like some of the symptoms of Quiet BPD explain what have been experiencing? In saying that, I know you mentioned that you weren't sure you had it. So I was wondering if there was someone, perhaps your psychologist, that you could speak to about it and get a second opinion?
Thank you@Courtney-RO I definitely don't feel like I matter, but I still appreciate you saying that.
I feel as though if something did happen to me no one would actually care because I don't really have many friends and the ones I do have don't really ever contact me it's always me having to reach out to them first.
I just really don't think I have it and my auntie said she doesn't think I have it but I'll talk to my GP and psychologist to see what they think.
Also got my results back for uni and I just failed two units so now I'm going to have to do another test to hopefully bring up my grade. I can't believe I've failed I tried so hard with everything going on with my mental health. I definitely relies that has affected my work but I didn't think this much. I also am supposed to give my results to other unis by the 5th of December but i won't get my grades back from the other assignments till January so I hope I haven't stuffed up my chances to going to another uni. So that's just made my day worse.
I just hope I get some relief from all this while at work today. I highly doubt it but it's worth hoping for hahaha.
Hey @Red_Flamingo
It is understandable how upsetting it must be to have failed the 2 units, especially when you tried so hard. Studying can be very difficult, even at the best of times! Like you said yourself, you tried so hard with everything else going on with your mental health and that is something you should be really proud of yourself for. Although it is still upsetting, you did the best that you could and tried your hardest which is the most important thing, it shows a lot of strength and determination.
If you aren’t going to receive your results until January, it might be good letting them know in advance. This is something they would all be understanding of and isn’t new to them!
I know you have been at work today and must have had a big day so remember to be kind to yourself tonight and do something special for self-care like reading a book or doing some meditation.
Hi @Blake_RO
Yeah I will let them know at least I get to do another test so hopefully I can pass the unit.
Work was definitely busy today still had suicidal thoughts though wish are really annoying I just don’t understand why I have to get them every day I just don’t seem to get a break from them.
I have to sew something for my ballet costumes when I get home, but I’ll try and do something nice maybe watch some tv or read Verity it’s very exciting.
I also got my discharge summary from my psychologist I have been seeing and she mentioned stuff about black and white thinking and I looked it up and apparently that has to do with BPD as well. So I’m really not sure what to think about it anymore. I do talk to my other psychologist tomorrow so hopefully I can get some answers to what he thinks.
Also won’t be acting on any suicidal thoughts. I’ve been having urges, but I’m really trying not to.
Thank you
Hey @Red_Flamingo I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a hard day. A busy day at work is difficult enough but having to manage suicidal thoughts on top of that sounds incredibly hard. How do you feel now that you've had some time to relax?
It sounds like you've received a lot of information from your psychologist and I can only imagine just how overwhelming and confusing it must all be. Talking to your psychologist about the discharge summary sounds like it might be a good idea though, even if it is just to ease your mind a little.
I'm about to send you an email, so keep an eye out for that 😊
Is there something nice you can do for yourself tonight to keep your mind off things?
Hey @Courtney-RO
Yeah not very fun. Well it’s a new day now all I can do is try and distract myself. I don’t have work today and I’m home alone so I hope my emotions don’t get out of control.
I am going to try and push myself to go for a walk today. I really don’t want to do it after then other times I have gone for a walk the suicidal thoughts increased.
Thanks
Hi there @Red_Flamingo how's your day so far?
Being home alone is rough when battling upsetting thoughts and feelings. It's good to hear you're thinking of ways to get through the day, though!
It sounds like you've got mixed feelings about going for a walk which is understandable. Can I ask if any other distractions you've used in the past were helpful?
I saw that you're reading Verity 😊 I've heard it's super interesting and a hard-to-put-down kind of book!! Do you think it might be helpful to get comfy and spend some time reading?
Also, we've sent you an email when you can take a look.
Hi @Bre-RO not doing that great. Let's just hope this afternoon is better I have ballet rehearsal for our concert at the theater for a few hours.
Yeah definitely shouldn't not have gone on a walk but oh well. Suicidal thoughts just love popping in at really bad times. I just wish I could have a small part of my day where I don't think of wanting to die it's just awful. I'm okay though at home now.
I was going to read it for a bit so hopefully that might distract me till I go to ballet.
Thanks
I hope the afternoon gets better and that you have a great concert rehearsal @Red_Flamingo
Also, I'm sorry that the walk wasn't what you hoped. I hear you - it would be awful and exhausting not having a break from suicidal thoughts. Thank you for letting us know that you're safe right now 😌
I read that you had a psychology appointment today, and I also hope you got some answers. How did it go?