Traumatic "Friendship" Experiences (more of a rant so this is very long lol)
I'm really just writing this on here because I recently have just been unable to cope with this. So little backstory, when I was in Year 9 I moved to a new school around halfway of Term 2 from the overseas, and that alone was hard enough like I feeling like an absolute outcast because everyone already had their friends by the time I arrived and I did not understand the culture whatsoever, add that on top me having to leave my entire life in my home country that was tough for a 14 year old. I was alone for months, it felt like forever to me having to eat lunch alone in the bathroom or just straight up getting ditched by someone i thought was my friend. But eventually in Year 10 this group started to form and it was just amazing, it felt like a dream we spent countless summer arvos the beach and it felt like a dream if you looked at how lonely I was the year prior. That same year this girl also moved to my school, she was from a nearby school and we just hit it off, like she cared for me so much probably even more that i cared for myself, i felt loved and looked out for and we were just inseparable, back then we were very innocent not much happening in our lives, like we have never been drunk, no first kiss, etc but everything changed when this girl joined our group and not long after, the three of us became our own little trio inside our friendship group of 6. So we went on to go to parties and we started doing drugs, hooking up with boys, etc and we became a part of this big group who goes to parties from outside school and slowly we got pulled into it and we didn't know when to stop eventually my best friend became unrecognisable she completely changed and that scared me a lot and by the end of 2020 an amazing year just became shit so quickly, I would go to parties and run into them since we were in the same friendship group and I would be drunk or high but I would be feeling like shit all the time because I was not surrounded by good company-but they were the same people who were my closest mates only a few months back, eventually our trio just became a duo and most importantly i lost my best friend and I had to watch them go to all these parties that I would've been a part of but those 5 months were the absolute loneliest i have ever been, I remember hooking up with a guy and just completely hating myself afterwards because i knew i wasn't doing it for the right reasons it was horrible, i barely got out of bed and i just felt so lonely like it was just me against this big world. I was not doing well and it took me many many months do drag myself out of that hellhole that I was in for the longest time. Who knew that having everything and the dream "teenager experience" could be so lonely? I felt like i shouldn't be feeling this way because my life looked great from the outside looking in and i absolutely could not show my ex-friends that i was hurting because that would just give them the satisfaction. I started resorting to using more weed just to kind of numb the pain and i also started hurting people who cared about me because I myself haven't healed yet, it wasn't fair to them. Months passed and i would still miss my best friend here and there because she genuinely felt like an extension of who I was but i slowly made peace with it, and i met a new sort of group, basically they were girls in the old group but they also had problems with them so they decided to leave and then I was in the same boat so we just hit it off but the only problems was there were still a lot of strings attached to that old group because I was hanging with these girls, like for a short moment I was happy I really was it felt like i had finally gotten out of the hellhole that I was in, but i knew deep down that I was bound to run into those old people again, also forgot to mention that around 7 months after me and my old best friend stopped talking she reached out to me because she saw a tiktok of me struggling with eating / eating disorders and I was completely shocked that she messaged me let alone message me first and so we made up we were fine but the third girl from our group never made up with any of us and this other girl from school who was the third girl lets call her Naomi and her childhood friend Anna, so they have been friends for forever and both Anna and Naomi hate me for whatever reason, I never made up with them because I don't even know what I did it was more of a he said she said anyway back to the current story, I hate talking about this but my group and the other group planned a picnic and Naomi was there because surprise small world, and i was there because I was invited and I genuinely just want to chill and drink with MY friends at the beach but she decided it would be good to be petty about the smallest things at a picnic with people who dont deserve to be dragged in the drama with us. It had been exactly a year since everything went down and I am in the process of healing still and trying to move on but I'm definitely not holding any grudges because that is not going to benefit me at all but Naomi was clearly making everyone uncomfortable because she had a problem with me and she wasn't addressing it directly with me and I saw how uncomfortable it was making everyone feel so I thought maybe we could be civil about it for everyone's sake, I was looking for a harmless conversation to hopefully but a closure to things that happened a year ago, mind you i don't even have a clear reason as to why we started fighting and instead of being mature about it she decided it would be great to yell at me and absolutely humiliate me in front of all these people with her just saying how I am such a bad person and how I blamed her for things and how i talk shit about everyone and how she just straight up hates me and i barely had the chance to even speak up for myself she just decided to walk away and not even hear what I had to say and she made it so clear that I wasn't welcome to a picnic that I myself helped instigate. Mind you, more than half of what she said left me completely dumfounded because those things were things she heard from people and not me myself and its just completely unfair on my part and worse part is one of the girls i came there with refused to leave the group that just completely humiliated me and I just had to remove myself from the situation and i ended up calling the girl I used to be best friends with completely sobbing and hysterical on the phone because what the fuck just happened and she picked me up straight away and she was such a sweetheart and we both got our closures and said sorry but yeah I haven barely spoken to the group I came to the picnic with and I've just been in my room sad for 2 days now and I figured i should write this here. (ps, this is obviously only most of the story i would appreciate it if we dont play the blame game here because I don't want any more petrol added to the flames, also if you made it this far thank you so much for reading i hope you have a lovely day!)
Comments
Hey @gladydaddy ! I'm glad that you felt comfortable enough to open up about this whole event! From your post I can tell that you have been through a lot and I can definitely relate with the struggling to make friends ( I too moved here from overseas). I'm really happy to hear that you were able to reconciliate with your best friend and that she was also able to provide you with support when you needed it (she sounds like a really nice person to be friends with 😊). Often people like your best friend are very hard to come by.
I'm really sorry to hear that you had a messy falling out with people from your group of friends though. It must have been really tough to have faced such an angry confrontation with rumours about yourself and I just wanted to say that you were really mature in seeking closure. Personally, I've also had a very similar experience so I understand how upset you must be. I really hope you're giving yourself time to process your emotions and thoughts! It's very natural that you feel this way.
Please only answer when you feel comfortable, but how are you feeling?
Hello, @Onion
First of all thank you so much for taking the time to read the entire thing and second I know moving from overseas is very daunting especially for a young kid who's barely a teenager.
Anyway, I have been doing a bit better since the picinc I definitely took my time after that to process my emotions and damn, it felt like shit I slept most of the day and just didn't talk to anyone at all. Luckily these people, well most of them aren't very intermediate in my life since we go to nearby, but separate schools so it doesnt feel like a super gigantic loss to me.
I have definitely been taking baby steps and i guess in the nature of my very fast paced life it is a big advantage for me when it comes to not staying stuck over one thing since things in my life change constantly but obviously i am still healing and thats okay.
As for my best friend, she actually followed up and messaged me a few hours after she dropped me home saying she hopes i was okay and that she's always there to look out for me which i thought was amazing considering how much time we spent apart. We actually go back to school for the last few classes before hsc in less than a week meaning I have to see "Naomi and Anna" but let's just pray they dont cause more commotion because i am honestly just so over it.
Anyway, what do you suggest i should do moving forward?
thank you, have a lovely day xx
Hi @gladydaddy ! It's great to hear that you've improved since the picnic and that your best friend checked up on you! It really means a lot when you know there are people who care about you, doesn't it? 🥰
Fingers crossed that you will only have limited contact with "Naomi and Anna" 🤞. I understand the anxiety that comes with anticipating seeing someone you're not comfortable with. But it really sounds like you're making good progress in moving forward, and baby steps is definitely a good thing since you're also allowing yourself enough time to process things.
I'm not really qualified to give advice 😅 but one thing that I found that has helped me in moving forward from broken friendships was to concentrate on the other friendships I still have and to cultivate gratitude from that. This also meant that I was redirecting my energy to something more worthwhile and this is definitely something that you're doing already, based on your post.
Additionally, when I was going through a similar situation, I found that from time to time my sadness and anger would flare up from me reflecting on what happened. During this time, I would talk to my parents, friends and whoever I was comfortable with as a way to vent the emotions out. ♨️
But the most important thing is don't forget to take time for yourself!!!!
I hope this helps and best of luck for your HSC and any of your future endeavours! 🍀
@gladydaddy I'm so glad you're feeling a bit better since the picnic although it sounds like it took its toll at the time. That's so lovely about your best friend following up to check on how you were, and saying she's there to look out for you. How are things going between you now?
That sounds anxiety-provoking about going back to school with 'Naomi and Anna' before your HSC.
Is there anything you think might help with keeping things calm with them at school?
How long will you be at school before you finish?
All the best for your HSC - I really hope everything goes well for you. 💛
Hiya @gladydaddy 👋 , it was a good idea to get this off your chest. It seems like you've been through a lot with school/friendships over the past couple of years. Moving to a new school and breaking into a new group is so hard - I'll never forget how lonely that was for me when I was in high school.
It made me smile when I read that you and your best friend reconnected. It must have felt nice that she came to your side when you needed her. I'm hearing that you're feeling pretty down, though - sometimes it's nice to spend some alone time when you've got a lot on your mind. How are you feeling today? It might be nice to get some fresh air if you've been in your room for a few days.
It sounds like you have had a lot to think about and process - teen years are full of brand new experiences we've never had before. They can be fun and exciting, but also, confusing and weird. It doesn't always feel like it when you're going through it, but everything you're feeling is normal and valid.
You mentioned that you struggle with an eating disorder, which isn't an easy thing to go through. If you feel comfy to talk about it, I was hoping to ask if you have any support with this?
Hello! this definitely helped me get it off my chest last night, I have been doing okay so far, I feel a lot better than I did 3 days ago, I sent a text to one of the girls at the picnic apologising about the whole commotion that went down and its been a day and so far no response, I honestly don't hate these girls but I think it would be a good idea to close that part of my life already.
Also for my eating problems, I have never sought help for it because I'm actually in the process of applying for the airforce for when i leave school and the medical team is super strict about mental health and seeing a professional so for my application's sake i will not be doing that just yet as it can negatively impact the progress of my application.
However do you suggest I just completely cut off these people from my life although they're not exactly bad but they have a direct connection to the group that "Naomi" is in which just makes for a very messy, complicated situation? or do i keep them in my life still but just keep my distance and maybe hang out in the future when we're older and time has passed?
Also sorry for the questions but I have als made a really, really good friend in the very brief amount of time that I was in that group and i don't know whether or not I should keep him in my life because I dont wan't to put him the in the middle of everything, I have already started acting cold and distance ever since the picnic because I'm confused and unsure about what to do.
Thank you so much for replying it is very much appreciated! x
