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When you have multiple diagnoses
Hello RO 💛 I was away for a bit dealing with some things irl, then I was resisting checking back in because I really feel embarrassed about my mental health. It's so hard to talk about. I felt like maybe people here who have helped me would feel disappointed that I'm still struggling so much; I know that isn't true though. I just want to express how I'm feeling to people who will understand. I want to talk about having anxiety, depression and ADHD, because it feels like being hit by a merry-go-round of different symptoms every day and it makes me honestly feel - insane!!! I think having multiple mental illnesses they almost merge together and become their own unique thing. That's why it's hard to understand what's going on in your head, and so hard to get the right treatment. I'm afraid when I finally see the new psychiatrist she will just let me down as other clinicians have. And perhaps that would be my fault for being so ~complicated~.
I found old notebooks where I was trying to "work on myself" and figure out how to get past my struggles. It upset me to see how self-blaming it all was. Like "I did well in school without trying hard so that's why now I give up on every challenge without trying" -- it's not true at all. I remember when I wrote that I was doing everything I could to 'force' myself to do what needed to be done in life despite dealing with huge amounts of fear and executive dysfunction every day. I try to be more compassionate now that I know my diagnoses. But it's hard not to be frustrated with myself.
Thanks for being there RO 🙂
Hi @lemurien I dont know that we have spoken before i have been away from the forums for a while. You are absolutely not alone with have lots of side effects to meds i have tried heaps and get terrible side effects from all of them or they just dont work properly the last time i was in hospital they said i was treatment resistant which is a hard phrase to hear anyway you are not alone in struggling to find the right options for you. you also arent too dificult to fix many people have multiple diagnoses and can relate to what you are going through my main 3 are Schizoaffective disorder, OCD and OSFED and i have some others but i just ignore them because these 3 are the ones that seem to take up the most space. having mulpitple diagnoses doesnt mean that you are too sick to fix it just means that it might take a little longer. but i can understand it being overwhelming. it sounds like you are doing all the right things though so i am sure if you keep trying you will get there,
Hey everyone, it's been a really hard couple of weeks and I just wanted to reach out and say hi. Seeing the psychiatrist has been more difficult than I thought. For months I was focused on 'doing the right thing for my mental health' and that has meant taking a break and waiting to be linked in with the psych. Now that I am linked in I have to face the next steps to moving forward and it's been frightening especially since it's uncertain what those steps will be and whether they will work out. We tried a med that had some unsettling side effects and now i'm waiting to find out what to try next and it's scary. I've been frightened that I have 'let' my mental health deteriorate to a low point and might never recover and that it's my own fault somehow. Even though I'm taking my break, everyone I know of course still has work and commitments so I get very lonely and anxious at home by myself. I'm just struggling to get through this tough time and I have so many fears.
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Hey @lemurien
I wanted to check in with you to see how you are feeling?
I’m sorry to hear that the past few weeks have been challenging for you. It’s so great that you have reached out for some support. I wanted to add that I have experienced similar concerns to you in the past while living with multiple diagnoses and understand how frightening it can be! Similarly, to what Courtney mentioned, it’s important to remember that everyone’s experiences are all unique and everyone will have a different journey. I know it can be really frightening trying new treatments and can feel like a setback when it isn’t helpful, but it just means that your closer to finding out what works best for you with the support from your doctor.
Remember that you are not alone and that we are all here for you 💜
Hey @lemurien, thank you for keeping us updated with everything thats been going on. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate right now!
You mentioned that you felt that it was your fault somehow. Do you mind me asking why you think this is your fault? I have seen just how hard you have worked on your mental health, all the time and effort and changes you have made. You really have come such a long way already @lemurien
You have waited so long for the support you currently have, so its completely understandable that you worry about whats to come. I just want to remind you that there is no one-size-fits-all when it comes to mental health and treatments. As horrible as it can be, it can take time to find something that works for you. I am sorry to hear that you had some unsettling side-effects with a new med though. Med changes can be awful so im sorry you had to go through that.
You mentioned that you have so many fears right now, so I was just wondering if you would feel better sharing some of them with us?
I'm sorry you've been feeling so lonely and anxious being at home by yourself, I can definitely relate to this. What kind of things have you found that help you get through everyday? Don't forget that we're alll here for you 💜
Thank you so much @Courtney-RO and @Blake_RO , when I got @Courtney-RO 's reply yesterday it really helped me make it through the rest of the evening.
I think having official diagnoses and seeing a psychiatrist has actually been very overwhelming, along with having the bad reaction to a med, because it's making me start to feel like an 'ill' person and that's frightening. I guess the self blaming is a reaction to that, like trying to find my sense of control over what's happening. I recently told my grandmother the truth about my mental health, and she was upset, she said not to 'take pills' and that I should go to church or do yoga instead, and it just got me worried that maybe I really haven't tried hard enough. I did share this with my psych and she reminded me that self blaming/guilt is a part of depression, it's just a thought and it's not the truth.
I have some friends and family that work from home some days and I can call them, that helps me feel not so lonely. I try to spend my time doing something I enjoy but that's hard some days when I have no focus. My friend recommended a manga to me and I'm enjoying that 🙂 Watching shows is good but a lot of shows have 'dark' elements and I just want something happier, I watched Bridgerton and it was fun seeing all the costumes and escaping into that world. I do whatever I can, I try to sit on the balcony in the sun, I try to do some chores and cleaning, and I try to go for walks if I can.
I'm glad my reply was able to help you @lemurien even if it was only a little bit.
Getting an official diagnosis can certainly be scary, even if its something you have previously considered. It’s different when it has been confirmed and it feels like a whole new journey starts. That in itself is a lot of pressure to have to manage, so then adding in a new psychiatrist AND med changes.. that is a lot! It’s so understandable that you're feeling overwhelmed and frightened @lemurien 💜
I also want to say well done on opening up to your grandma! It would have taken such courage and bravery to open up like that and I actually think that shows just how hard you are trying, even though it would’ve been upsetting to see her sad. I also want to say that it is so great to hear that you felt comfortable talking to your psychiatrist about this too. You’re demonstrating some great ability to bounce back and it takes practice to manage the thoughts as just thoughts. Sometimes we need to be like a security guard and guard our mind from those unhelpful thoughts that can creep in. Being aware of your thoughts as they are creeping in and asking “hey I’ve noticed you’re here.. why have you come? I think it’s best you leave as I’m trying to have a better day..”
Btw I just want to let you know that 1 in 4 ppl will experience mental health issue in their lives. Although it’s very common, navigating it can be the biggest challenge and what I’m hearing is someone who has their surf board out and is really riding those waves 🌊
It sounds like you have some really great strategies in place right now, though I definitely understand what you mean about it being hard some days. Have you been able to find anything that helps you manage these harder days? I would love to get into manga but I'm just not sure where to start, which manga would you recommend for someone who is just starting out?
@Courtney-RO it is definitely overwhelming and it helps so much to be able to chat on RO like this. The new psych even added a diagnosis of Social Anxiety to the mix, so it's starting to feel like there are just so many things wrong with me, how can I be such a wreck..? Of course I know these are all disorders that go hand in hand and luckily the solutions, too, go hand in hand, so I shouldn't be worried about being 'too complicated' and 'incurable,' but I struggle so much to keep those fears in check. At the moment I just feel like a shadow of myself, and of course no one wants to feel that way, so I grasp toward the solutions, but as you said, there's no quick, easy, one-size-fits-all solution, so it's frustrating. For example I spend a lot of time ruminating on volunteering, working, or finding SOME kind of activity out of the house, because I know that connection and contribution is so important. But I don't feel ready for any of that right now. It sounds too overwhelming. And yet maybe I should force myself? I'm afraid I'm turning myself agoraphobic and ruining my own mental health because I spend all my time at home. Lately I have a lot of health anxiety and I worry a lot that my mental health will spiral out of control, or I will get a medication side effect, and end up suffering in the hospital.
Thanks for listening to me and supporting me. I do try my hardest to ride the waves. On the hardest days sometimes I just have to cry it out.
As for manga I'm really a beginner myself!! Honestly the one my friend sent me is a typical romance, which is normally not my thing but somehow I got invested 😆 I think there are too many manga out there to choose from, so I just rely on my friends to tell me what to read.
Hey @lemurien
Thanks for being really vulnerable in sharing this with us. We are so glad that you find it helpful to chat here. I look forward to chatting with you when I see your name pop up ❤️ You mentioned feeling like there is so much wrong with you. I just wanted to say that it's really valid to be feeling upset, even though you know there are solutions that go hand in hand. A lot of people feel similarly when they have so much going on. It can be so confronting and overwhelming. It's totally ok to just sit with those feelings for a bit before moving on. You also mentioned feeling a lot of fear and wondering whether you should force yourself to do certain things. I can see how difficult this is for you as you are weighing a few things up. I'd say that aiming for some kind of balance might be helpful. It also might help to do some reflection, if you feel up to it. For example, how would you know when you are ready? What would be a sign that your mental health is getting worse from not doing anything?
@Taylor-RO The community is genuinely a godsend, it just grounds me so much being able to talk about what I'm going through. Thank you for your reply. What you said about sitting with my feelings makes me think I should make time to have a go using mindful distress tolerance skills. And just sit with the fact that I'm dealing with a lot right now. And that it's scary and upsetting and I don't always know what to do. I feel a lot of pressure to know the 'right' thing to do at all times because I am so worried about my mental health. But ironically I'm sure that just makes things worse. As long as I'm trying to show kindness to myself and keep moving forward, surely there's no 'right' or 'wrong' choices? What do you think? Anyway, thank you for inviting me to reflect- I have some answers but I feel like they might just be excuses. I do think my mental health is already getting worse from not doing anything but I just can't bring myself to find something to do! It just seems scary and impossible. And I can't drive either so I feel really stuck. Well, once again I don't know the answer, but I appreciate being able to vent here.
It can be really hard finding something to ground us when we need it, so I'm really glad that you have found that talking things through here has been really helpful for you @lemurien.
I also really love the idea of giving yourself time to sit with your feelings. I think its really important to acknowledge that you're dealing with a lot as it reminds us that we deserve a moment of peace and that our feelings are valid. You mentioned that you wanted to make time to use mindful distress tolerance skills, I was just wondering if you have come across one that you have found helpful? One of my favourites is the DBT skill called STOP, which teaches us to Stop, Take a step back, Observe and then Proceed mindfully. I find it so helpful and I've actually taught my partner to use it when he's feeling overwhelmed too.
You also mentioned feeling a lot of pressure to know the 'right' thing to do at all times. I just want to say that thats a lot of pressure to put on yourself. Sometimes there is no 'right' or 'wrong' answers, it comes down to what you mentioned earlier about showing yourself kindness. I wonder if there is something nice you could do to remind yourself that you deserve kindness too?
I understand what you mean when you say that it seems scary and impossible but I just want to remind you that you have already taken hugee steps and we are so proud of the progress that you have made. I hope you're proud of yourself too @lemurien 💜
Hey @Courtney-RO 🙂
Honestly in the past I have been crap at using those kind of skills and I couldn't remember any strategy that had worked, so I just had a search on google and found one about imagining feelings as waves that go over you; they are intense but you can ride them out. The page said, "when we are in a distressing feeling we might get afraid thinking it will just get stronger and stronger until we drown in it. But in reality, this is not how feelings work." I think just reading that part helped a little, because I had been worrying about my feelings spiralling out of my control and that I couldn't cope with them. I will keep STOP in mind as well. This week I feel calmer and it's such a relief. I am able to be a bit more rational and recognise that forcing myself to make 'right decisions' like some kind of army captain yelling at myself "get off the couch! go for a run! find another job!" is not really going to lead to a good result. I can tell now that I would not have been ready to take on any big changes/responsibilities last week and that I'm not ready right now but that I will be ready someday soon if I keep moving forward in this direction 🙂 I just don't know what will happen because after my adverse reaction last week my psychiatrist said to go back to my previous medication for now, but we both agree it will need to be changed in future because it doesn't really fully solve my depression and anxiety. It only helps a little. But it is frightening to think of removing a medication that helps a little, in exchange for something that might make matters worse, or if it is better, will take a long time to kick in and in the meantime I have to deal with my previous symptoms. As you say, I'll try to be proud of myself for being brave and dealing with all of this 🙂 To be nice to myself I'm going to eat something I like for dinner and take a bath.
I can definitely relate @lemurien I have never been very good at putting any skills or strategies to use either and it was only when my anxiety became too much that I realised I needed to do something.
I love your strategy about riding the wave of emotion! I think thats such a great way of describing it, especially as it can feel like they just keep getting stronger. Its a really nice reminder that these feelings will pass and things will get better.
I'm so glad to hear that you've been having a good week, we all know how much you deserve it 😊 I can also hear that you have been doing a lot of self-reflection recently and can see that while you might not be ready right now, you will be soon and I just want to acknowledge how huge that is! I think its so important to recognise that you are moving forward, even if your steps are small or slower than you want them to be.
I know these medication changes haven't been easy for you @lemurien but it just shows how brave and courageous you really are. I think you definitely deserve to treat yourself to a nice dinner and bath tonight 💜
Thank you @Courtney-RO it's reassuring to hear I'm not the only one that struggles with skills and strategies. I have always given them my best go when introduced to them but get fed up when they don't seem to help. But just like you, lately my anxiety has been too much so I really needed to try something, anything.
If I can share again - I'm getting really scared and discouraged. Over the past month the psych has tried me on two new meds (not at the same time, they were two separate attempts) and both times I have gotten panic attacks and anxiety unlike anything I've ever experienced before, and had to stop the meds and take time to recover. I have tried quite a few meds in the past as well and we are running out of things to try. I feel too scared to try any more meds and I just want to be okay, this is too terrifying and exhausting.
Hey @lemurien
I’m really sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. I understand how difficult it can be trying new medicines and having bad side effects and I’m sorry that you had these experiences. Everyone responds to medications differently and it may feel discouraging for you when you try a new one and have bad side effects but eventually with the help from your doctor you will find a balance that will help you!
I want to share with you that I myself have been in a similar situation and understand how you might be feeling. I tried lots of different options with my doctor and have had some scary experiences as well but eventually I did find the right balance so even though it feels exhausting at the moment and extremely frustrating, eventually it will be worth it.
It’s so great that you have been communicating these side effects with your psychiatrist, I was wondering if you have expressed your concerns and how your feeling about wanting to try new medications with them or anyone else?
You should be very proud of yourself for continuing to keep trying new medications, I understand how scary it can be especially after a bad experience so it’s really great that you have continued even when it’s hard.
I know you mentioned that you experienced panic attacks and anxiety from the medication and was wondering what you do during these situations? It can be very helpful to have some strategies and techniques in place, that way you feel prepared for if this happens again while trying a new medication. I know for me, it really helped to have some strategies in place and helped ease my concerns about trying new medication. When I started to experience side effects I would speak to a close family member along with my doctor and found that cold water, cold showers and patting my dog really helped me ground myself during a panic attack. Is there anything you’ve found to be helpful for you or is there someone that you trust who would be able to support you during these times?
Again I just wanted to remind you that you are doing so great and you should be really proud of yourself, these things aren’t easy and can be very challenging but we are all here for you and you aren’t alone.💜
Thank you so much for this @Blake_RO , I had to trial a new med the same night that you posted this and I read it through a lot of times to remember that I'm not alone. My psychiatrist said it's really rare to be as sensitive to bad side effects as I am, so I was feeling alone and feeling like nothing was ever going to work for me. This new med is the seventh antidepressant I have tried!!!!! And my anxiety was really out of control beyond anything I could cope with. It was so terrifying and painful. Because of that, I'm afraid to be too optimistic right now, in case something goes wrong again, but somehow, this new med is working amazingly so far. I feel so lucky, but also suspicious! I'm hoping so hard that this ends up being the right med for me. Thank you for being there.
Hey @lemurien
I’m really happy to hear that the previous post helped you and that your new medication has been working so well!
I just wanted to quickly chime in and include another article that has some good tips and strategies to help with anxiety.
Remember that we are all here for you and that you aren’t alone 💜
Hey @lemurien I'm so sorry to hear that your psychiatrist made that comment to you, that would have been so hurtful to hear. Finding the right medication can be so hard, but its certainly not uncommon to try multiple medications before finding one that works for you. I also think its important to note that different medications effect us all differently and what might work for one person may not work for someone else.
I'm also sorry to hear that your anxiety was so out of control. As someone who also struggles with anxiety, I know just how horrible that can be. Have you been able to find anything that helps ease your anxiety when its really bad? Recently, I've found that having a nice hot shower has been a good distraction for me, though I know that doesn't work for everyone. I also found a really good article from SANE on anxiety. and while it is focused around covid, I wondered if maybe it would give you a couple of ideas to try too.
I can definitely understand you feeling suspicious of your new med though, especially after everything you've been through. But I also think you deserve some good news! It is so great to hear that this new med has been working amazingly so far. Fingers crossed it continues to work its magic for you.
You are doing such a good job @lemurien, I hope you are just as proud of yourself as we are of you 💜
I wanted to share some thoughts I have that really upset me. I just keep thinking that this world/reality/society is not a nice place to be and I wish I didn't have to be here. I don't want to change this belief or 'get better' because to me that would mean starting to ignore how wrong everything is and learning to just 'play the game,' shut up and give in to the status quo. I keep thinking how much injustice and inequality there is in the world and how our lives are mostly dictated by things outside of our control. When I was a child I thought I could do and be and have whatever I wanted when I grew up, and I'm grieved that that is not the case at all. Life is a big lottery and if you are born with money and privilege you experience a whole different world compared to people who have to struggle to get what they need every day. And it's not even because 'that's just the way it has to be,' we could have a better society based on fair and compassionate principles, but we don't because of corruption, selfishness, ignorance and cruelty at the very top. I keep wondering how I can stand this world for the rest of my life when everything makes me feel angry and powerless. I wish I could live in an imaginary world where things are different. I only have small wishes for my life, like living with a group of loving friends, having a cute little home with them, living somewhere where the nature is so beautiful it inspires me when I go outside, having something to do every day that isn't stressful and contributes something to my community. And yet we have set up this horrible world where all of that is out of reach. Omg, and I haven't even mentioned climate change. Is there really a way to thrive in this society? I just can't see it. I feel like I don't want to ever participate, out of protest.
Totally feel you @lemurien - the world is a very difficult place to live in at the moment! A lot of how the world works frustrates me and I really struggle to compute why other people are ok with it/go along with it 🤯 I actually looked into this myself to see if it was connected to me being neurodivergent, because I've always had strong views on this kind of thing in comparison to others. I found that it is infact something that a lot of other neurodivergent people experience too. Here's an article that goes into it a bit more that you might relate to 🙂
Personally, I try to cope with this by thinking of ways I can make a difference, even if it's a small difference, and that helps me focus more on the positive (most of the time!). Is there something you're particularly passionate about that you'd like to focus on making little changes with?
That was such a cool article thanks @Iona_RO I relate so much to the first point "having a low tolerance for things that aren’t in alignment with who they are." I used to get so upset by my friends who were pursuing careers based on what their parents said or just based on what was "logical" or "realistic" even if they didn't feel excited by it. I couldn't understand why they were signing themselves up for a life of misery and wouldn't fight for their passions. But it feels like a disadvantage for me, like I'll actually be the one ending up miserable because I can't just accept the way things are and do what is needed. But of course, all of our special traits that make us who we are, have pros and cons. It's fun but also strange finding out how many things about ourselves can be related to our neurodivergence. There are a lot of other relatable articles on that site as well.
I feel so small when I think of making a difference. I want to do some kind of volunteering when I'm feeling a bit better, at the moment I'm finding it really hard to do anything, but when I was a teenager I had a lot of lovely experiences volunteering.
What a great article! Thanks @Iona_RO for sharing that.
I don't think that's a disadvantage to you @lemurien, I think it shows just how determined and passionate you are as a person to do the things that bring you joy and I think thats really important to note.
You may not be able to understand why others choose to follow in a particular path, but you can control why you do and I think thats what matters the most. I think you're right when you say that all of our special traits make us who we are. While they do have pros and cons, I like to think of it more as a spectrum and that makes them more special because they are unique to us.
I also want to say that no matter what kind of volunteering you do, or how small it feels, you are making a huge difference in someones life. Nothing is small when it comes to volunteering and the fact that you want to put yourself out there just shows that your already making a difference. Volunteering was one of the best things I have had the chance of doing and I can imagine just how many people you would help if you were to put yourself out there. What kind of volunteer role would you be interested in doing? 💜
Thank you @Courtney-RO for always being so reassuring. It's nice to hear that where I see a disadvantage, others can see a positive trait, and it can be reframed that way. That's true that we all have our path in life. I really need to strengthen my conviction and confidence in living my own way. Normally I get embarrassed of my life and the way I do things, the choices I've made, even though I do believe we all have our own journey.
If you would like to share I'd love to hear about what kind of volunteering you have done 🙂 I might get some ideas since I'm not sure what to do right now. I have never had a bad time volunteering though so I guess anything would be good! Maybe I will just have a google and see what type of opportunities there might be in my area and that can be my first step.