lost all hope
today i completely broke down and went up to the counsellor. i went up just hoping to be able to calm down or figure out why im having a random break down.
the counsellor said to me “i have nothing left, i cant help you anymore, i cant try and fix things. Apologies but you’re on your own.”
and i left the counsellors room prepared to jump off a cliff. i was about to walk straight out of school to go kill myself but i couldnt do that without seeing my friends one last time. they somehow figured out what i wanted to do and i ended up with a lot of breakdowns on repeat along with a manic episode of finding anything sharp and having the urge to harm myself. my friends calmed me down but now i am lost. i want to end it all but im just lost about everything.
Comments
Hey @MidnightMoments I am very thankful for your friends. It may not feel it, but you are valuable in this world so I am stoked you're still with us and able to talk it through. Mania can be really hard, you are very strong working through it all. That's really intense what your counsellor said to you, it must have been incredibly confusing.
Did you speak to your counsellor after this? How are the thoughts of self-harm now?
Urges of self-harm are through the roof, and I’m too much of a burden to speak to the counsellor again as that hurt me alot more than I expected and I really don’t know what to do.
Totally hearing that, I can understand feeling this way after what was just said @MidnightMoments. I would feel the same.
Is your counsellor through a bigger service, or a private counsellor?
Do you think you'll be able to stay safe? Concerned about the urges you're having tonight.
The counsellor is just the one at school from Mon-Wed so im not sure. And I don’t think i will be able to, not self harm tonight @Bree-RO
I'm really sorry to hear what you had to go through @MidnightMoments, it was horrible what your counsellor said.
Is is there anything you could for yourself tonight? Maybe do some art?
Hey @MidnightMoments I think now is a really good time to phone 1300 659 467 (SCBS) and talk about these urges. I know you had a rough go with the school counsellor today so may not be up for chatting to another - but these guys are super qualified, and really good at talking to people in crisis.
I'm really worried for you @MidnightMoments, I think you deserve the utmost support. I'm sorry for not being able to support you, but please know that I'm always here for you 
Hey @MidnightMoments how's it going today? Last night sounded really tough 😞
@MidnightMoments sending you an email, please keep an eye on inbox.
