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TW: School in relation to stress, anxiety, depression etc.
I have never posted here before so I hope this goes okay. Sorry if it doesn't.
Hi everyone, I will be talking about my experiences with school in relation to stress, anxiety, depression and, to some extent, self harm thoughts. I have no intention of harming myself in anyway, but I do get similar thoughts. I hope this conversation can help other people as well.
I have really been struggling with school at the moment. I am in year 12 and my trial exams are in less than two weeks. This is, understandably, a very stressful time for many people. However, this stress is greatly impacting my life and wellbeing.
I am a very studious and academic person. I have always tried very hard in my studies and I have done very well. Now that I am doing my HSC (secondary school certificate for NSW), I am putting more pressure on myself to do well. I've been studying a lot. But all the time I feel anxious, stressed, sad and depressed. I feel like I am incapable and worthless. I struggle to fall asleep because of crying and these thoughts and feelings. Everyday I wake up sad, anxious and nervous. Doing anything now is difficult.
When studying yesterday, I had an autistic meltdown. After a meltdown, it is hard to recover. I have similar panic attacks and intense negative feelings all the time. I am not sure what to do.
I have seen many psychologists in the past, but I every time I spoke with them I would cry and feel worse than before. I know I need some help, but I don't know who to ask. I can't tell my parents because they get frustrated at me and say I am not trying hard enough. I don't trust any other family members or friends for help. If I tell any teacher at school they send me home and tell my parents.
I'm not sure what to do. Sorry if that rant was too long. I am happy to talk about similar experiences from other people.
Comments
First of all, thank you for sharing your experiences with us. It takes courage to open up about your struggles, especially in a new space like this. Please know that you are not alone, and we are here to support and listen to you.
I understand how challenging year 12 can be, especially with the pressure of trial exams looming ahead. It's commendable that you've always been studious and hardworking, but it's crucial to prioritize your well-being during these intense times. Feeling anxious, stressed, and sad is entirely valid, but please remember that you are not incapable or worthless. These negative thoughts can be overwhelming, but it's essential to recognize that they don't define you.
I'm really sorry to hear about the difficulties you face when seeking help from psychologists or discussing it with your parents. It can be disheartening when you don't feel understood or supported by those around you. Remember that there are other options available for support, and it might be helpful to explore resources such as helplines or online forums where you can connect with people who can relate to your experiences.
Your well-being is essential, and seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness. If you're comfortable, try reaching out to a school counselor or a trusted teacher who may be able to provide guidance or connect you with appropriate resources.
Remember, you don't have to go through this alone. There are people who care and want to help. We're here to listen and support you in any way we can. Take it one step at a time, and know that seeking help is a positive step towards healing and finding ways to cope with these challenges. 😊
Thank you for replying. I just don't know where to get support. My school doesn't have a counsellor and I don't trust any teachers. If I do talk to a teacher I will just be sent home. I have tried multiple helplines but I don't get anything out of it.
Hey there @Compy i just wanted to jump on your thread after having a read about what you're going through. It sounds super challenging to feel that you can't trust teachers or friends to open up about how you feel. I can imagine it adds to the stress 😓
You mentioned that you don't get anything out of helplines which I'm sorry to hear but I do want to acknowledge how great it is that you're taking active steps to look after yourself. How has it been reaching out to us? If you're comfortable telling us how we can best support you, please do. We're here for you!
Hi @Compy welcome to the ReachOut community, it's really great to have you here!
I'm really glad that you reached out and shared what you're going through here, it takes a lot of courage to open up and talk about the challenges you're facing, and you have done an amazing job at expressing yourself.
I can understand how overwhelming and stressful it would be for you with your upcoming trials and the pressure to perform well in school this year. With all of the stress and pressure that comes with year 12, it's completely understandable that it's impacting your well-being and leading you to feel anxious, stressed and depressed during such a demanding time.
I am sorry to hear that you've had negative experiences with psychologists in the past. It can be so disheartening when you reach out to a support service and not recieve the support you hoped for. Finding the right support can be a journey, and it's importance to have a safe space where you feel heard and understood. If you could describe your ideal support, what would it look like?
Thanks again for reaching out, we are here for you.
Ps. We will be sending you an email shortly, so please keep a look out 😊
Thank you for replying and your kind words.
I don't know what my ideal support would be. Everyone at school, my friends, my teachers and my family just say I have to see a psychologist. That clearly didn't work and now I don't know what to do.
@Compy Hey, thought I'd pop in and just offer some thoughts.
It's pretty common for folks to struggle to find the right support. Especially for neurodiverse people - many mental health professionals don't understand or haven't had the right training to be able to work effectively with ND people, and often their advice and support is geared towards neurotypicals, so ends up being kinda useless. Perhaps you could look for some MH supports that specialise in/cater to folks with ASD? Maybe even explore support groups or counselling instead (counsellors are trained in a different way to psychologists and might have a different approach to what you've experienced in the past). Finding other autistic people to share and connect with could also be helpful.
I found some articles online too, some coping tools for managing meltdowns -
5 ways to deal with autistic meltdowns
Neurodivergent Meltdowns in Adults
Handling meltdowns as an autistic adult
I've also rustled up an article about Self-Compassion, and how to put it into practice. Like most things in mental health, self-compassion is a skill that can be learned, and needs to be practiced. It can feel very uncomfortable at first, but gets easier over time, and can make a huge difference in the way we see ourselves and how we talk to ourselves when things get hard.
I hope you find connection with the right people, and that things get easier for you going forward 💚
Thank you. My family is looking into getting a counsellor already. I'll have a look at the links. Thank you. I appreciate it.
Hi @Compy
Thank you for reaching out on the forums and sharing your thoughts and feelings. We are happy to provide you with support!
I'm sorry that you're feeling so down. I completely understand how you're feeling about your upcoming HSC trial exams. I too tried my best to study hard and felt so much self-doubt. But I learned that the HSC is not what dictates your future. There are so many pathways to so many careers and the possibilities are endless. I do understand that you are aiming to achieve high which is great and you should be so proud for finishing your final year at school; but it seems that it is consuming you and leading to you feeling burnt out.
Have you considered taking breaks between study sessions or limiting your study time so that you can practice some self-care to reduce your negative feelings?
Thank your for your reply and support. I appreciate it.
I know there are other career pathways and I know I can do something I enjoy.
My aspiration for doing well in school is engrained into my head. School is the only thing I am good at and I feel like if I don't do great at everything, then I'll be a failure and a disappointment. (Writing this now I realise this sounds ridiculous).
If I ever take a break from studying and try to something fun, it is interrupted by me crying and having a panic attack. When I try to study I end up having a meltdown or a panic attack. I feel lost.
I am glad to hear that you are aware of the many career pathways.
It may sound ridiculous but it isn't, it is a very valid feeling! I truly believed I was stupid. Someone who would never go to uni as I could never achieve higher than a passing grade. My ATAR reaffirmed my self-doubts and made me spiral into a panic about the future. However, during my final year of school, I applied for an early entry scheme to get into university (this was regardless of my ATAR grade). Each of my peers received their offer in early December and I was yet to hear anything. At the time I freaked out and discovered a pathway through TAFE. So 2 weeks before TAFE started, I got my University offer and was over the moon. It gave me hope and faith that I can do this! This was my time to prove myself wrong. This is exactly what I have done. I have since achieved grades of 70+ which I never thought possible and am on the path to achieving the job I am aiming for.
Sharing this part of my story is my way of showing you that you may feel only good at school and if you don't succeed, you'll be a failure. But that is far from the truth. You may be good at many things other than school, like sports, gaming, talking, reading, and drawing, etc. Or you may not be so great at many things. But either is okay!! Failing is okay! If someone is disappointed, let them be. Try not to take it personally and remind yourself how awesome you are and how well you did, have done, and are doing!!.
It sounds like you're really struggling to reduce your emotions. Do you have any pets at home? Maybe having some quality time with a pet can help relieve your emotions. I know how difficult it can be to feel as though nothing is helping. I am aware you mentioned that a psychologist was not helpful. However, I also want to add that I saw 8 psychologists until I found 'my person'. The psychologist who I connect with the best and made me feel truly understood. Finding the right psychologist can be a process but I highly recommend it. Keep in mind, there is no pressure here to do anything you do not want to!.
Thank you so much. Your story means a lot to me. Taking things personally is something I really struggle with, but I will try. Thank you.
Hi @Compy
Thank you for taking the time to write out this post and sharing how you're feeling lately. Year 12 is a really stressful time for many people, we tend to put a lot of unnecessary pressure on ourselves. I remember when I had to do the HSC, I was very stressed and anxious, so many worries were going through my head "will I remember the content?", "what if I forget this or that?" After the HSC was over, I realised I put too much pressure on myself and I did all that worrying for nothing. I also felt a lot of relief once it was over. So just remember you're not alone in how you're feeling.
It's also important to practice some self-care whether that be doing some light exercise, spending time with friends and family or spending time engaging in your hobbies/interests. You say that you have spoken to your parents and a psychologist before, have you tried talking to your school councillor? Or maybe telling someone you feel close to? Telling someone about your worries and stress can be very beneficial because it feels like a heavy weight is off your shoulders.
Remember to take care of yourself, and have faith in yourself! All the best 🙂
Thank you for your support. I appreciate it.
I really struggle at doing anything at the moment. If I do something that is not school related, I will have a panic attack. If I am doing something school related, I'm going to cry and have a panic attack as well.
I really want to talk to someone but I am not sure who else I can talk to. My school doesn't have counselor and don't I trust my friends or family to talk about it.
I'm sorry if I said something wrong. I don't want to be negative. I appreciate your help.
I know it's hard to focus on anything else when the HSC is weighing heavy on you. I felt exactly the same, but the HSC is not the be all and end all. As others have said, there are so many pathways, so remember to prioritise your mental and physical health as well because that's what is most important right now! That's great that you can trust your friends, I think you should talk to them, you never know they might be feeling the same way.
Sorry that was a typo. I definitely do not trust my friends. I don't even know if they're my friends.