Daddy issues but not quite
I hope you're intrigued because this will be good.
It all started with my parents divorce. Tough on any kid but when you haven't grown up with a good light on your own father you start to lack some things in life. There's that extra protection (especially when the rest of the family are girls) and that fun little "no one will ever be good enough for my little girl" line that gets thrown around a lot. I guess lately, the fact that I don't and might not ever have that is starting to hit me. I was 6 when they split but now I'm nearly 17 and am just figuring out my sexuality. Not only am I questioning who I like but also what and how I like it. I'm not sexually active and have never been but I do get a little curious (like every other teen girl).
A few days ago, I downloaded an app. It's kind of like episode where you get a cute little story and you get to choose your options to decide your fate and whatnot. I initially downloaded it as a way to earn more tokens in another game I play called adorable home. Anyway, I started of with this ridiculous story called "pregnant by my ex's dad" (I'm so embarrassed writing that). It was funny and a new kind of story. Very explicit but nothing I haven't already read on wattpad. The older man who impregnated my character is a good looking animation (I'm not attracted to animation just keep reading). He is described as a Silverton and for some reason that description got to me. Like full on. Now when I'm in public I notice guys, maybe in their 30 to early 40's, and almost drop to my knees. I don't know if this would count as being a daddy issue thing because it's not me trying to fill that void. It's more like I just find older guys significantly more attractive than guys my age because they're more mature and scruffy (silverfox hair, short growing beard, crows feet, smile lines, forehead and eyebrow lines, etc). I know I'm young and will obviously not act on anything until I am older. But I do have a feeling that when I'm in my 20's I'm gonna go more towards older guys in their 30 - 40's.
I also love the thought of being desired and having that love and attention that you don't get from somebody who is a friend or a family member. In my head and from what I see most guys my age or in my generation mess around to much. They lie and go behind backs and I don't think I could deal with that kind of experience. I think that maybe someone older wouldn't do that because well I'd be younger and could probably be what they desire. I don't know, it's mad crazy.
Thank you for reading. I just needed to explain this so I didn't feel so weird about it.
Comments
Hey @tima it's great to hear from you again 😊
I have to say it's great that you're starting to question who you like and how and what you like it. You're right that it really is a normal part of being a teenager! I can see how self-reflective you're being about these new feelings, and I wanted to say that there's no right way to explore your sexuality as long as you're safe and comfortable!
It's very normal to find different things attractive about people as time goes on. From what I have read, you've only noticed this physical attraction come up recently. You said that it feels crazy that you are having these thoughts all at once and I can imagine that it could be a big experience to have this attraction to older men come up so suddenly. I was wondering if you've noticed if your sexuality has changed before? Have you ever had conversations about sex and sexuality with friends or anyone else? It might help you to understand where these feelings are coming from.
You also mentioned that you grew up without a good light on your own father and that your parents have been separated since you were 6. It makes sense that you're wondering if these feelings are connected, and it's hard to think about what things may have been like. Do you have a relationship with your father anymore? Or maybe you can think of any other role models you've had in your life who have been able to support you in a similar way?
ReachOut has a whole range of resources on these topics which I thought you might be interested in. We have some resources here about romantic relationships. We also have a range of articles here about sex. But I was curious about what you think you're looking for in a relationship outside of looks and age? Are you looking to explore this anytime soon?
Hey,
Thanks for having me back. It's great to just say things on here that I wouldn't necessarily feel comfortable with saying to my friends or family.
My sexuality has changed quite a bit. I liked this girl in year 8 and so I was naturally convinced I was a lesbian. After going back and forth between wanting to date a man and wanting to date a woman I have settled on just identifying as queer or fluid. I don't really have a preference in relation to gender it's more about the personality and their action but I also don't feel comfortable with the label pansexual. It's just not the best label for me personally, I don't really like the ring of it but that's what I am.
I've had conversations about sex and relationships with a bunch of people. I've discussed how I think I might be a little flexible when it comes to what may happen when the time comes. I like to try new things and I am pretty adventurous and would like to express that through my sexuality as well as just my personality.
I have very little contact with my father. Maybe a few hellos here and there. But I have also struggled with father figures. I was obsessed with having a father like love from a man that I basically tried to put any man in my life into that position (teachers, uncles, etc). But I realised what I was doing and it felt really wrong.
What I'm looking for in a future relationship is something strong. I want trust and loyalty and dependence. I would like to look for something long term but I would prefer to spend maybe from ages 20-23 or 24 just having some fun. Experience things and experiment with all different kinds of things. But when the time comes, I would like to settle down. I love the idea of having that one person but I don't think you can find it by just being with one person. I certainly don't expect my first partner to be my last and only partner. I'm also looking for somebody to rely on. If I'm in a situation where I'm freaking out, I want to have that one person who I would always run to and that would be my partner to help with anything. I would also like to be all those things with them. I know I'm still young but I think it's important to know what you want so you don't waste time with people who don't really care about you. I'm hoping to explore myself sexually and with other people in my 20's. I want to be sure that I'm ready and I want to try to find what I like and whatnot.
@tima I'm so glad to hear that. We're always here to listen 😊
What stands out to me is how aware and self-reflective you are. It's really admirable to read about your experience with understanding your sexuality, and also with how you relate to other people in your life. It shows that you are so flexible and open to learning about yourself, which are skills which are always important to have! Another thing I noticed is the way you've created some healthy expectations as well as boundaries around relationships, such as not putting people in the position of a father figure and giving yourself time and space to grow in relationships in the future. Wanting to have a partner who you can rely on and who you know will be there for you is a value that you can bring with you when you start dating in your 20's and it will really help you. It seems like you have given yourself plenty of time to work things out, and you I hope that you can take this into account for yourself!
