Figuring out my sexuality and what to do
Hey there ReachOut community, I'm just reaching out for some comfort and support right now ❤️ I'm having mixed feelings of confusion, excitement and worry about my sexuality and I thought this would be the best place to share my thoughts and seek help 🙂 Just a heads up, this is a bit of a long message, so apologies in advance!
I've been deeply reflecting over the past couple of days, and I'm thinking I might be bicurious or bisexual. It's subconsciously been in the back of mind, over the past year or so, but its not until now that I've paid close attention to it.
Just a bit of background, I'm a dude and I've never been in a romantic relationship before. I don't really know what it feels like to be intimate with another person. But this is something I would really like to experience, and I hope it will help me better understand my sexuality.
Over this time of reflection, I've been thinking whether I'm attracted to girls or boys or both, whether I'm straight, gay or bisexual.
From a young age, I guess I always romanticised about being in love with a girl, probably due to my upbringing. In primary school, I had a lot of crushes for girls in my class.
But through high school, I developed a lot of affection and connection to my guy mates, particularly my best friend. It was only recently that I realised I had a crush for my mate. But it's kinda awkward because he is straight and has been raised in a strict Christian household, so I knew it would never work.
Even though that relationship isn't possible, I do dream that there's a guy out there with similar loving and caring qualities that would show affection to me.
At the same time, I've been in contact with a lot of girls and have been trying to grab a date. It's tricky because I sway in out of attraction to girls, with the idea that I might be attracted to dudes too.
In regards to whether I'm coming out or not ... I'm not entirely sure. It's difficult to decide, because on one hand this is a deeply personal thing, that I don't feel 100% comfortable talking about yet. But at the same time, I can't keep it to myself, because I know it'll build up and become a big internal worry for me.
My parents have always been caring and supportive throughout my life. But from comments they've made over the years, I'm not so sure how well they'll react to this news. On one hand, they are loving to me for who I am, but on the other hand, they have a lot of stigma and skepticism towards people who are gay or from nationalities other than their own.
I do have a close friend who is part of LBGTQIA+ community, so I think speaking to them will definitely bring some comfort. As to whether I talk to my other friends who are straight, I'm not sure. I really don't know whether they'll be supportive or not about my sexuality.
But I'm also going to speak to my psychologist next week, which will be helpful in voicing my thoughts and hopefully receive some support to get me through.
In summary, it's been a strange, scary, exhilarating, exciting and nerve reacting few days for me, so I'm just so happy to share these thoughts to you 😊
I'd also just like to say thank you to ReachOut, not only for your loving community, but also your supportive articles too. ReachOut was the first place I properly got to learn about sexuality, in particular bisexuality which opened a new door for me, and I'm really grateful for that.
Thank you so very much for reading my reflective message. Just being here on this forum community brings a lot of comfort to me. But I also really look forward to hearing some nice replies soon ❤️❤️❤️
Love, DrummaBoy 🥁🤙🌸
Comments
@DrummaBoy this thread makes me smile! You seem like a very warm person, who's very reflective and really striving to be yourself. it is totally scary yet exhilarating when you realise a new part of your identity. I had a similar experience when I was in high school, I realised I had some feelings for one of my best friends and that's how I found out I was a bit bi. (I am sort of a bi - aro - ace mess 😋 I just identify as queer!) I actually look back on that as a positive experience because even though it was quite scary and difficult, at the same time it was cute and special. I have some special memories with that person and I'm glad they're a part of my identity story. Even though we aren't close anymore. Anyway, thanks for sharing your words here and giving me a chance to share mine! 😊 All the best
Hey @DrummaBoy, I can see why you are feeling quite mixed right now. Figuring out your sexuality can be confusing especially when you are feeling so unsure. I think it is amazing that you have come this far and have been able to reflect on all of this. You don't have to label yourself and if you change your mind, that is okay too! The same goes for coming out. You don't have to officially come out if you don't want to. I noticed that you also said that you can't keep it to yourself. What would it be like if you told people you were still figuring out your sexuality or that you weren't completely sure? I am asking this as some kind of middle ground between telling people you are heterosexual or telling them you are bicurious, until you feel more comfortable 😀 You also don't have to tell everyone either. There might be some people who are more less receptive and I would say it is perfectly ok to pick and choose who you tell. There might be people you tell now and others you tell later once you are feeling more confident and comfortable. This is your story!
You mentioned that you have read some of our articles. Have you seen the ones on coming out and sexuality? It is so great that you feel comfortable opening up to your psychologist. If you'd like some other support, there is a service called QLife which offers webchat and counselling. We are so glad that you enjoy being apart of our community, we love having you here too 
Hey@Taylor-RO
Thank you for your kind supportive words, it genuinely means a lot to hear 😊❤️ I'm really grateful what you said, especially the part of 'figuring things out or saying that I'm not too sure yet'. I think it's important for me not to feel any pressure in coming out, or labelling myself if I don't won't too. Like you and Stormy said, this is my own personal journey, and it might take some time to figure out ... but that's totally okay 😊 I'll be keen to visit those articles you sent, which I'm sure will be helpful! Plus, I'm seeing my psychologist tomorrow, so keen for a good chat then 🙌
Hope you're well and thanks again for the support ❤️ Love DrummaBoy
Hey @DrummaBoy welcome back! It's really wonderful reading your thoughts and seeing how self-reflective and honest you are.
I've had a similar discussion with myself about bisexuality. It definitely isn't easy to sort out, especially since you're trying to measure your attraction to two groups when you don't have the reference of a romantic relationship, or what it feels like to be not attracted at all 😅 I've had it said to me that if you're questioning your sexuality, you may not be as straight as other people are! Either that or you're more open-minded than most, which is also a great thing to be.
I've also had the question of how to approach my sexuality with my family, who aren't close-minded but have very little experience with people different from themselves and carry the stereotypes of their generation. I decided to tell one of my parents when I was upset about something the other had said. They were more confused than anything else I suppose? It ended up never coming up again, and I didn't feel the need to reintroduce it! My experience of coming out is that there are the 'right' people who will support your experience and make you feel happy for sharing your identity with them, but there will also be people that aren't worth discussing it with. It's all very personal!
It's nice to hear that you have a psychologist who you can discuss all of these feelings with 😊 I wanted to ask what it would mean for you to be able to settle on a description of your sexuality? Do you think it would change the way you view yourself?
Hey@StormySeas17 ,
Apologies for the late reply 😅 Thank you so much for your input, I really do appreciate it ❤️ It's really nice to hear from your experiences and get to know there's a community of people here who get how I feel 😊 In answer to your question ... here's my long thought out answer 😂
I guess I've always seen myself as someone that doesn't exactly "fit inside the box". But as I continue through life, the more I recognise that it's okay to be different. If anything, it's way more fun! I've always been the kinda guy who enjoys lots of different things, from playing the drums to doing martial arts. And I guess it kinda makes sense for me to reflect on my sexuality and wonder whether I'm more than just straight. At the moment, I would probably see myself as bicurious. But I guess I wouldn't really label it until I know for sure. It's gonna take sometime to see what works for me, and I'm okay with that. But in the meantime, I'm really making sure to take care and love myself, no matter who I am 😊
Thanks again for your reply StormySeas17
Love, DrummaBoy ❤️
