I feel like my bi-ness will wear off

In response to @Blake_RO I would first like to thank you for being so sympathetic and supportive when I need it most. 

To let you know I am coming out as Bisexual and contemplating whether I am trans or not. I am still trying to tell my self that I am bi and it's not a phase. I have told a few people about my sexuality but the only people I need to know are my best friend and this girl called "Jane". (Not her real name for privacy)

we will get back to "Jane" in a minute. My best friend has ADHD and autism (he is what's known as neuro divergent) he care very little about politics and insists that "petty struggles" are unnecessary. He is very unsupportive because he sees sexuality as an unnecessary variable. And I want it to be understood he has NO problem with other sexual orientations. He just thinks differently.

Now "Jane" happens to be the best friend to my crush: I have liked this person for over one and a half years! (It's not obsessive I just like this person to tears)

This is where my whole fear of attractive, funny and overal awesome people come in. I always seem to fumble and fumfer in front of people I like. More than the exaggerated actions of people on telly. These catastrophic sentences could be seen as definitive proof of my absolute incompetence at hiding attraction. 

This person I like found out I liked them (through a friend) and got really malicious.  They started talking with a lot more callous towards me. For more context they are a she and I am a he (Mabey a they or a she IDK) she is straight so she definitely could like me. She and I flirted a bit and we really enjoyed each other's company. Most of our group conversations boiled down to the two of us arguing about cats or IDK. 

And now I am going to see her for the first time in 2ish months. She is the first person I came out to and If I can't hang out with her (she sits with my other "friends") then I will have to eat lunch alone until my best friend finaly starts going to school (he won't make it in on the first day cuz of his neurodiversity).

I am just under so much stead with going back to school, my crush and my little LGBTQ crisis.

sorry for the long post
thanks for reading and showing some interest.

Hi @Cobalt_is_cool , it sounds like there's a lot going on for you at the moment and that telling these two people in your life about your sexuality is pretty important to you, but also a bit nervewracking (which I can completely understand). You mentioned that your best friend can be unsupportive at times because he sees sexuality as an unnecessary variable. How are you feeling about telling him that you are bisexual? I know that it can sometimes feel invalidating if someone you care about doesn't fully appreciate or validate something that's important to you. How do you think he would respond if you told him that this is something that matters a lot to you?

You also mentioned that "Jane" found out that you liked her, and then started acting a little differently towards you, but also that there's been a bit of flirting between the two of you as well. How are you feeling about seeing her? I'm also curious - when do you head back to school?

I first want it to be known that my friend isn’t homophobic or anything of the sort he just has a very analytical mind due to his mental differences. I have told him very seriously that it is something that means a lot to me and he usually responds with “ok?” In a tone that implies I am stressing over something insignificant.

To clarify I “Jane” is my crushes friend  with whom I have a sibling like bond with (only without the squabbling.) She sees me as an equal unlike others at my school who seem to see me as irrelevant. (For reference I don’t have many friends) I care for her as a friend but a close one at that. 

I have mentioned before that i first came out to my crush and I think it is because I feel inclined to set my self up or show my trust.

I don’t know if I have already mentioned but school starts on the first of feb (Wednesday)

Hey @Cobalt_is_cool 

How was your first day? Will your best friend be back at school tomorrow?

It sounds like Jane is a really great friend to you, just wanted to double check, does Jane know about your sexuality? I’m really happy to hear that she is supportive and treats you like an equal because you are and don’t deserve to be treated any other way.

I was wondering if you ever spoke to your crush about how she was treating you when she found out you liked her? It must have been pretty upsetting when she became malicious towards you, did you ever speak to her or anyone about how this made you feel?

I was also wondering if you had a chance to look through any of the articles I shared? We also have some really great ones on gender and relationships if you’re interested.

I saw that you said that you fumble and fumfer in front of people you like, and I wanted to reassure you that it’s so normal and you aren't alone in experiencing this! I’ve certainly been able to relate to the ones on telly as well😅. I thought I’d share this with you, it’s some nerve-busting strategies, hopefully one of these might be helpful.

Having to renter my self into social situations made for a tricky day. I have told Jane of my sexuality to which i was awarded with "cool" and a high five. Although this was before i returned to school. I have not made conversation with Jane due to some reasons i will list. I have not talked to my crush since my affections where revealed.

These reasons go as follows:

• I was seemingly invisable to her as she came over and invited all of my friends to sit with hers. 
• I noticed several times during lessons where she was looking in my direction, quickly glancing away when she was even just bearly in my periferal. 
• She also seemed to pause conversation and have a brain fart every time she passed me.

All of my thoughts to her seem to convince me that i am strait even though i have had several strong feelings towards males. I have also realised that the whole endevour is quite childinsh (on her part) since i would be flattered if sombody liked me. I am wondering if I even liked her in the first place and if there is a slim chance she shares my feelings.

FYI my friend has recently lost multiple relatives and is struggling with the prospect of going to school (he hasn't been at school for a whole term)

I have talked to a few of my other friends about my sexuality they had no comments but acepted it and moved on.

Edit: I keep telling my self that I am the mature one and that I am the person in the right for just accepting that my crush knows and that she is acting her age by being silly and hateful over somebody affections. Is it a compliment to have someone say they like you?

i am kinda bittersweet as i am enjoying my new classes especially my electives and yet there is a girl haunting me. I am so tired of this whole situation. Is there a way to completely doge labels? because even if I don’t want to be bi then I have to be queer or unlabelled which counter intuitively is a label.

Hey @Cobalt_is_cool I've been catching up on your thread and want to say how sorry I am to read about Jane's behaviour in class! It must have been upsetting to feel invisible. How do you deal with stuff like this in class? I can imagine it's pretty uncomfortable. It's good to hear you're enjoying your new classes though, what electives have you chosen? 

Also, I hear you when it comes to labels. You asked if there's a way to completely dodge labels and I want to assure you that you aren't alone with those kinds of questions. Many people prefer not to identify with labels at all! I'm curious to know if you feel pressured to pick a label? 

I hope you're having a good day and chat soon 😊

Hi

i would like to specifically that Jane is my crushes friends, whom I greatly respect. The reason i bring her up is that she is very loyal to my crush and would not talk to me is my crush told her to. I only give her a name because four letters is much easier to type than "my crushes friend"

Janes behaviour doesn't nesisery bother me nor does my crushes. It's just the imituraty that bothers me. I would say I am a lot like Sherlock Holmes (except for the genius bit.) People always seem to baffle me, they stress over unnecessary things, repeat something they said clearly and act so childishly, in my case they seem offended that somebody likes them. I had a girl say she used to like me recently and I said thank you for letting me know. It was a compliment albeit expected (I knew the whole time.)

I don't know if I like my crush. I don't know if she wants me to ask her out. Is she avoiding me because she hates me or because she wants me to want her. I think I like her. Am I mad at her? 

With labels. I don't feel pressured to choose one I just don't feel like any of them fit me. I say I am bi because I feel like it describes me best. I am probably pansexual in actuality but I choose bisexual instead. I think it's because bi is a more commonly known than pan. I want to avoid labels because I don't feel intirely cisgender. I would say I am sometimes male, sometimes female and sometimes neither or both. I dress in gender neutral clothing that hides my defining features. For reference (if you missed it in my posts I am a biological male. I don't feel like non-binary is the correct term since I am somewhat male and female usually and the same time.

I seem to hang out with mostly boys but prefer girls as they are generally more quiet and calm.

My electives are extended science and commerce nithier of them have my friends in them though.

Also I believe a relationship with a boy would be easier since we would have similar hormones and body's. I would be more comfortable with biological similarities in a relationship. I am more attracted to females though. I struggle with the boys in my school since almost all of them are straight. I don't think I know a single gay/bi/pan boy in my year. The girls in my year are very happy with being out as whatever and will go out of their way to let you know. I think it may be because boys feel more inclined to hold their feelings tight to their chest. "Boys don't cry" could be a metaphor for my school, if you forget about me. I seem to be on the verge of tears when I hear a certain song or watch any film. I seem to feel others emotions for them.

I have had a good day I hope you had one too

I just wanted to say that I hope school goes well for you and that you figure out if your trans or not!

good luck with your life, love Dylan ❤️

Thank you for taking the time to show support. I don’t know your story but I hope life goes well for you too.