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Annoying bully
Warning: some swearing (not explicit), minor ableism, homophobia
Ignore my rhetorical questions, I'm just annoyed.
One of my ex-friends has been bullying for the past few weeks at school. Let's call her Jane. She harassed me for the past 20 minutes when we were in the same sport together, and Jane had been throwing food at me and my friend prior. Jane ran into me on purpose, sprayed perfume on me on purpose, told me "[I] need an exorcism", tried craptalking me as if couldn't hear Jane (she does this often by the way), and when I tried to tell a semi-friend about what Jane did, Jane's friends heard us and told Jane about me apparently craptalking her - keep in mind that Jane knew she bothered me on purpose and perfectly remembered it. When I told her to eff off, her and her friend laughed about it. They take everything I do like it's a joke, but they take it to heart at the same time, if that makes sense. And what's even worse, is that every time I would try to talk to my semi friend about Jane, my semi friend would bodyshame her (eg. call Jane a "dwarf") as if that's my point ?? Anyway, once Jane heard about my "craptalking", she decided to confront me about it in the most pretentious way possible, as she had not started the whole fight initally. My sports teacher at the time, who I no longer have nor do I take the sport anymore, made me be partners with Jane's friends and Jane & her friend were provoking me while smiling, like going "ohhh [my name] do you hate me???", pretending to craptalk and whisper about me, giving me a code name "Karen" & and calling me a b*tch, and when I told her to shut up, she laughed and told me that "nobody cares". Her and friend think their stuff is funny, they laugh while doing it and have never posed a genuine convo/negotiation with me. It's just being spiteful. After I walked out of the sport to another quad in the school, my sports teacher got me in trouble for truancy and I was sent to a detention room for the next sport session. I admit, I'm a bit happy that I didn't have to go to sport after the incident, but I don't understand why I was the one who got in trouble. How come Jane didn't seem to get in detention as well, and why did the teacher think it was a good idea to tell jane i got into trouble? Cause then Jane mocked me for getting into trouble, when I basically had no choice in the situation. I'm on the spectrum, and I completely understand how the teacher didn't recognise that, but I have no idea why Jane knew that about me and took advantage of my issues w/ emotional regulation. Every teen would've acted that way regardless, nobody wants to get bullied. Days later, I told my friend about it, and he sends Jane and one of her friends a message telling them firmly to stop and leave me alone. And Jane takes that as blackmail, using the excuse that "[she's] not talking to [me]", which is both untrue and unfair. She needs to understand that you can still bully someone without interrogating them. You can spread rumours, lie about them behind their back, damage their property, throw things at them etc. It's not all about name calling to their face. Anyway, I interrogate Jane online because she seems to be absolutely clueless about my friend's message, telling her that she was still purposely bothering me. Jane sends me a lengthy text just insulting me, calling me psycho, manipulative, ugly, delusional, adopted (as if being adopted is bad), insulting my completely regular hairstyle, making fun of the fact that I support LGBT people, claiming that I s3xualise myself, etc. just insult after insult, and when I tried to have a convo with her, she continued to lie about never hurting me in the first place. She also sent me a video of a tik toker obviously faking ADHD and acting overtly quirky, which is nothing like me, and compared it to my autistic traits, showing how exactly spiteful of a person Jane is. Anyway, I tried to tell a teacher about this, but we haven't written a report about it. She was throwing pens at me and my friends the other day, and when no one was around to notice, Jane took my schoolbag and threw it around.
Like, I was so furious about the whole situation that I cried about it in my closet. I really wanna send her a message telling her to explicitly eff off, but I can't tell if that'll make the situation worse.
Comments
Take a screenshot of that message of her saying stuff about LGBTQA+, and tell people about it, just like, strike up a friendly conversation with someone you know likes to talk to people, and then in the middle talk about it to them. Try get that conversation going in that way or something. And if your school environment doesn't support that, I don't know what to do. Any other evidence of her being racist or things like that? Also when you chat to people about it, make yourself look/sound indifferent. Make it sound her problem. And when she does stuff such as chucking your bag around, stare at her accusingly, say in a loud clear but not furious voice "What are you doing?" and try make yourself look as if you are the weaker one. You have to make them know that you are injured emotionally. Stay strong inside, but on the outside you can be ""trying to be strong and reasonable, but unable to cope with it"" get everyone's sympathy.
Hmm, sort of, "I don't know, is it my fault" but make sure it prods people to think that it definetely isn't your fault. Psychology, people sympathize with those who although weak, try to stay strong in situations that are your fault. And by strong I mean, standing straight, asking about why they are doing this in a not aggressive semi calm way
Hey @visions_9374
I just had a read through of your post and I am really sorry to hear that you have been experiencing this. It sounds like there has been a lot going on for you and this is a lot to be dealing with. Bullying is never okay and you definitely don't deserve to be treated this way - no one does. I also wanted to acknowledge how challenging it must have been for you to share all of this, it takes a lot of strength and courage so we really appreciate it and appreciate your honesty in doing so.
It sounds like this is a lot to be dealing with and I am really glad that you have been able to open up and share this with us all. We hope you know that we are all here to listen and support you as best as we can!
How are you feeling about everything today?
I know that Chloe-RO shared some articles about things you can do and I was wondering if there was anything that stood out to you or if you would consider trying any of the suggestions?
I was also wondering about what your supports look like and if you've been able to talk to anyone about this? This is certainly not something you have to deal with alone and there are so many supports available to help you through this, including our Online Community.
Take care and I hope to hear back from you soon to see how you are going!
Remember that we are all here for you.
Hi @visions_9374 ,
It must have been really frustrating to be dealing with quite nasty behaviour from a person who used to be your friend. From reading your post though I can tell that you're a really mature person who is going through the appropriate steps with a teacher to resolve this situation. I just want to say that you should be extremely proud of yourself for taking the mature route!! đź‘Ťđź‘Ť
I'm also glad that you have a friend who is supporting your through these events. I just wanted to ask, are your parents aware of the bullying? Or do you feel comfortable and safe enough to tell your parents about it?
As @Chloe-RO has mentioned, keeping a detailed record of the events would help you and your teacher in building a report and requesting a formal investigation.
Stay strong and please don't hesitate to talk to us again whenever you need!! We will always be here to talk!!
Hey @visions_9374 ,
Thanks for sharing. I'm so sorry to hear that you have had to face these situations for so long. It must be incredibly hard to have to go to school each day, knowing that you do not feel safe from 'Jane' and her ''friends'.
Bullying in any form is not acceptable. On top of that, harassment, discrimination and abuse is illegal and needs to be taken seriously. I am glad you have been able to tell a teacher. It is so important that they are aware of what is happening. Most schools have an anti-bullying policy. You may want to have a look at your school's website to see if they have this. Part of this anti-bullying policy tells you the actions/steps you can take to escalate this matter so that those in charge can do something about it.
I read that you have told the teacher but they haven't written up a report yet. What would be helpful is that you keep a record of dates, times and notes of incidents so that this can be thoroughly investigated. Notes may include what Jane says, does, posts, texts etc. At the same time, they will also need to see what you have been posting/saying to Jane.
I encourage you to follow up with the teacher.
Because this process can be quite lengthy, it' important you have supports in place for yourself to help you in the 'now'. I believe I have shared this article with you before, but it tells you what to do if you are being bullied. Scroll down the page and you will see this information.
Also, this may help you which goes through what to do about bullying and having a Bullying Action Plan.
This thread about bullying may also help you feel less alone.
If you feel you need so speak to someone, you can phone Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.
Please take care.