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Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hi everyone 

To be honest i'm not sure what the point of this post is, maybe to vent? 

 

I suffer from severe GAD, Hypochondria & possible OCD and have done so for about a year, it was slowly getting worse and I was convinced I was dying all the time, every second of everyday I was anxious and was worried that I was dying of some unknown health condition, this health condition ranged from cancer, strokes, heart attacks, blood clots in my neck name a medical condition I thought I had it. I also cant drive I have my L's because i'm to scared to drive in case I hurt myself or someone else, i also am real anxious if i'm in the car and someone else is driving (especially my grandpa who i'm worried will have a heart attack or stroke behind the wheel) I also have a ritual I perform nightly surrounding checking my room for spiders and I put hoodies under the door so spiders cant get in while I sleep, i also compulsively check my body for signs of illness (I still do both these things but its not as bad as before). So I finally went to the GP who put me on meds, I was on them for a week and they made it worse so I stopped and got put on the waiting list for a psychologist but I was told it would be 3 months before I got an appointment ( i have been told this will be even longer wait now), so a few weeks later i went back to the GP to get different meds because I couldn't cope. I found that they started working in about a week and a bit and Im only on 10mg (a low dose) and I have noticed that my general anxiety had almost gone away (i still have bad days & panic attacks) and that even when I did get anxious it was much easier to control ( I couldn't control the anxiety at all before) While I still cant deal with people being sick and I go a bit over the top with sanitising stuff and making people wear gloves etc. It's much better and I feel guilty about this, I somehow feel as if that i'm not anxious and that i'm over reacting or just made it up and that it's all just in my head, I feel guilty for taking the medication because I feel like i'm just being stupid and thats theres nothing wrong with me, even though I was so scared all the time, i couldn't control my anxiety and I was having panic attacks every night begging my mum to take me to the ER at 1 in the morning. I know its stupid to feel this but for some reason I do, i just feel like because the meds worked quick, were very effective and were low dose that i'm overreacting and that i'm not anxious to be on meds. 

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hey @Alec29, there seems to be a lot on your mind, Im glad you feel comfortable enough to vent onto this website. Look, personally, I feel that no feelings are "stupid", any emotion anyone feels is legitimate and it is okay to feel that way. I think that the fact that you are willing to reach out to your GP and request for meds is very brave and perhaps responsible? ( Im not sure if this will come off the right way, I mean that it is good that you are taking care of yourself) of you. You know what works for you, and when things goes astray, you know where to go for assistance; I think that that is great.

Did you ever end up making an appointment with the psychologist?

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

hey @Alec29, it sounds like you're in a really tough situation and like @Mily, you are doing a lot to help yourself and that's really admirable and strong. I think the feelings of anxiety you have are definitely valid, and that just because things are getting better (which is really great!) doesn't mean that the difficulties you had before are stupid. 

 

Sometimes meds just work very effectively and immediately for some people. I have a friend who had really terrible OCD for about 8, 9 months--she was literally staying up nights obsessing over possibilities, she had rituals and checklist, the whole shebang. However, as soon as she went on meds she said there was a very noticeable difference and now she's much better and is able to continue seeking help. I really hope that your anxiety continues to stay low and I do not think you overreacted at all; I think you made a very smart decision to get help and now that decision is paying off, and that you did the right thing.

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hey @Alec29, that sounds really intense. Anxiety can be so debilitating, huh?

I agree with @Mily in the sense that all emotions are valid and they serve a purpose. You have the right to feel any thing you feel.

How are you feeling this weekend? 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hey @Alec29 , thank you for sharing that. It can be hard sometimes hey? I wanted to congratulate you for going to the dr and following through and trying medication! That takes strength and shows how mature and wise you are.
In regards to the medication, it's awesome you found something that helps you. That is a huge positive! Smiley Happy
With the thoughts of guilt about taking the medication please remember that your dr prescribed them for a reason. They won't prescribe things their patient doesn't need - it goes against their training. So you can use that to offset the thoughts if that helps.

As the others have mentioned that its totally okay to feel what your feeling. Your feelings are your truths, they aren't wrong by any means. I'm curious, have you brought this up with your dr about feeling guilty for taking medication? Sometimes just having a chat with your dr can help ease your thoughts about it. I know this helps me when I'm not sure with medication etc.

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hi @Mily

Thanks for the reply, I called up the psych and they estimate it will be at lease another 4-6 weeks before I can get an appointment and iv already waited about 3 months Smiley Frustrated which sucks but the service I'm on the waiting list for is free because I cant afford regular therapy and I feel guilty asking my parents to pay just because i'm an anxious wreck. I get 10 free session in a year period but thats not enough for me to connect with the therapist and solve my issues (I have a lot & they are kind of complicated), I have a psychiatrist, but he doest do therapy just manages my meds, he thinks that after my yr 12 exams I should see a clinical psych. 

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hi @letitgo

I have been ok, just busy with studying for my yr 12 exams which are in a few weeks, I have been feeling a bit rubbish about my weight and self esteem, I think the medication is making me gain weight, but I cant really complain as thats the only side effect I have.

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hi @Bee,

I did actually see my psychiatrist yesterday and brought up feeling guilty about taking the medication and he said that I was definitely anxious, i mean i'm anxious about the fact that I don't think i'm anxious enough to be anxious Smiley LOL. He thinks that I should continue taking the medication for the rest of the year and that  should take it for most of next year while I settle into Uni which is a big life change, I am inclined to agree with him honestly the medication is the best decision iv made in my entire life, but I still feel like I should be more anxious (like I was before I took the meds, even though it was horrid). I sometimes think about not taking the meds so that Im anxious but I know as soon as I do that I will regret it. I know that taking the medication doesnt mean im cured, it just means that im masking and controlling the symptoms and that I need to control my own thoughts so I'm going to continue taking the medication.

Thanks for listening, I dont really have anyone IRL that I can talk to, or anyone who understands. 

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

@Alec29 I'm SO SUPER DUPER PROUD OF YOU!
Condredulations for seeing it through and asking your psychiatrist!!!!!!! Smiley Happy
It totally makes sense. Anxiety can make our brains do weird things. Actually saying that reminds me of this series that youth beyond blue did a while back.

Here is the one about worry. There is also one about sleep, concentration, going out, and not enjoying the things you used to

 

I think sticking with what your psychiatrist has recommended is best. 

If you decide to not take the medication to induce the worry, the worry will come back, and you would probably regret it as you've said. The important thing to remember here is that the medication is helping. 

It's great the medication is helping control the symptoms. That is awesome Smiley Happy

 

It's not a problem Smiley Happy I'm happy that I can help.

A problem shared is a problem halved.


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Anxiety & feeling guilty about taking medication

Hey @Alec29, ahhh that's such a long wait. I definitely see the struggle of wanting to see a psych but also the finance expenses are hard to afford. After year 12, if you decide to go to uni, I know that uni offers free counselling sessions if needed? I know this is different to a psychologists, but either way at least you can talk to someone?