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Break up depression

Hi this is my first post on here and have just recently joined. My ex and I broke up about 4 months ago as I was living away. When I got back home we hung out to catch up and still today we occasionally hang and chat. He’s sent me texts saying he’s confused on what to do as he doesn’t want to get hurt anymore but doesn’t want to lose what we had and that he still loves me. Anyways to me he wants the best of both worlds but being “single” but also having me there. I have said to him that we should stop talking and seeing one another and he lasted one week before texting me and we are literally back to square one. I found out today that he’s gotten with other girls yet he still messaged me. That’s what irritates me the most and I have unfollowed him on Instagram and deactivated it and also deactivated Facebook and removed him off snap chat. I just don’t know what to do about the whole situation as we both still have feelings for each other but to me I feel like he likes having control of the situation. My friends have said to stop replying back to his texts. I know I should but for some reason I aksways give in and I’ve never been a fan of the idea of blocking someone. I’ve been so down and my mental health has never been so low. All my friends are in relationships and I just feel as though I have no one to talk to you who can relate to my situation as they are all busy doing their own thing. Hoping this will help me with my self esteem and get myself together because I’ve been a mess. 

Re: Break up depression

Hi @bingbong123 welcome to RO community and thanks for sharing that with us. Sounds like a difficult situation that you're in and sorry to hear you're feeling down. Relationships are a hard one especially because our emotions are involved. What are some things you are doing to look after yourself? From my own experience I know that having some time to clear my head and talking to people I trust whether that be family or friends helps me deal with my thoughts and emotions. I find journaling helpful too because it lets me get out all my feelings and then I can read it back, giving me time to process it all. I also think about the pros and cons about the situation I'm in and make a decision from there in terms of what to do. I'll tag some of our members too to see what they think @Bee @Nightruner23 @mrmusic @missep

Re: Break up depression

Well I’ve just had surgery on my hand so haven’t really been able to do any of my exercise I normally do which hasn’t helped me in the situation. I’m a pretty positive person and I’m just so angry at how I’ve let myself get to this point over a guy who probably isn’t thinking twice about me now. I don’t like upsetting others or causing conflict so I feel it’s easier to reply to his texts and calls then ignoring but I know it’s doibg me more harm then good. I’ve spoken to friends about the situation and have tried to move on by joining dating apps but I hate them. I’ve thought about journaling but not sure how much it would help me @Lan-RO

Re: Break up depression

Re: Break up depression

Sorry to hear that @bingbong123 im going to say something but i don't mean to upset you or anything but im going to put put there it might hurt. What i have read and i think he has toyed with your emotions and multiplied you he probably doesnt have any feelings for you i know from experience i was in that situation with my ex she fucked me up mentally and toyed me like i was her and put me down you should block him block his number look after yourself don't worry about him i think the reason he got with other girls so he can make you feel sorry for him it's a psychological thing if you take it in it will damage you far worse then you already are plus saying i don't want to hurt anyone anymore is a really old trick to make forgive him and he will play the tricks and do all of it again take him out of your life i know it's hard times and you might not able to see qhat he is doing but after a while you will. Look after yourself im here for you and everyone on this community will help you ❤

Re: Break up depression

@bingbong123 what are some other things you can do that would be a good distraction? I've found keeping myself busy helps to take my mind off things particularly from past relationship breakups. What are some of your interests or hobbies? What were some of the things you enjoyed doing prior to this relationship? Hope your hand heals quickly! Heart

Re: Break up depression

Hi @bingbong123

 

Good for you blocking and removing him on your social media! It seems like you've noticed his ulterior motives, I think you're right. The fact that he's been with other girls yet he says he still loves makes me think he is lying. You are a better judge of him than me so you should decide. Maybe you should just cut him completely, no messages at all. I know this might be very hard at first but I think in the long run it will be better for your mental health. You have to be firm with yourself, maybe you're responding to him because you're lonely and you've rather someone than no one at all. 

 

Try not to compare yourself to your friends, some of mine are getting engaged and I'm still single ha. Live your life, do what makes you happy. Talk to your friends, even though they are in relationships I'm sure they've experienced break ups before as well. 

Re: Break up depression

Hi @bingbong123,
I think so many people can relate to what you've written. I'm so sorry you've had to go through this.
Breakups are definitely not easy. Very proud of you for removing him from your social media, I think that's a good step towards healing. I can relate to you in the sense that I don't like the idea of blocking someone but sometimes when it comes to matters of the heart and your own wellbeing it's important to put yourself first (I know it's easier said than done) but it's really true. I've gone through a similar situation but it was when I stopped responding to my ex and stopped seeing him on my social media that I was able to begin to heal and do things for myself. It's definitely not easy and it takes time to heal but the beautiful thing is that time really does heal. It might be slow but there's definitely hope.
Do you have any hobbies or anything that you like doing for yourself?
How have you been feeling today?
We're here for you! Heart