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No motivation for females

After so many years of being single it's hard to be motivated to talk to females, my past experiences have all been failures and I don't see the point in trying with such awful people.


It's hard not to be depressed about being a single male and how hard it is. 

Re: No motivation for females


Re: No motivation for females

Hi @adelaidecrows and welcome to ReachOut! Smiley Happy


Thank you for your post. I am also a single male, and I totally feel you when you talk about how hard it is being single, particularly when a lot of your friends around you are in committed relationships, and are getting married.


I guess I would like to affirm that being single is okay, and that if you don't feel motivated to talk to females, and commit to a relationship, then you don't need to. I think that this is actually a significant problem in society and the media - that there are not many public figures validating single life in the public arena, which is an issue because a lot of people are in fact single. And that's okay. I know it might be uncomfortable or hard to hear this, but being single really is a valid choice.


Just wondering if you've spoken to anyone else about this, in particular a professional such as a counsellor? I'm just thinking that if this is getting you down a lot, it might be a good idea to seek some professional advice in addition to posting here on RO.


I hope this helps. I'll tag a couple of other users to see what they think - good luck! Heart


@Brendos94 @LeoTheLion @N1ghtW1ng @DruidChild

Re: No motivation for females

Hey @adelaidecrows, I'm not a guy but I can relate to having had bad romantic experiences with people and being reluctant to try again. It sucks. Being alone can be really tough, but just remember that it's totally okay to be single if that's what you want and feel comfortable with! Obviously it's important to be respectful to women in your life, but you shouldn't feel pressured to get involved romantically with a woman if that's not what you want right now. 


Alternately, if you don't want to be single, maybe you could try interacting with women who like similar things or have similar values to you? It's impossible to click with everyone, but perhaps trying out a new thing that interests you (like a class, social group, etc) that's mixed gender could help you meet more women who you get along with! 


If you want to chat more in depth with someone, you could always give mensline a ring on 1300789978 and have a chat Smiley Happy


Re: No motivation for females

Hi @adelaidecrows


I see that your past experiences are holding you back. For most people why they want a partner is because they are lonely or want love. So my suggestion is instead of focusing how hard it is to be motivated to talk to females, focus on how much you hate being alone or how much you want love. Just shifting your thoughts from a negative perspective to a neutral one might help. 

Re: No motivation for females

@mrmusic @DruidChild @LeoTheLion


Thankyou for the support, I'm glad to hear that is okay to be single, in our culture and in media young men are supposed to hook up with any chick and lose their virginity any way they can however its not how I feel.


I'm sure talking to a counsellor may help but there's too much stigma involved for me to reach out, my parents wouldn't treat me the same if I asked for help. 


It's a good idea to be involved with groups to meet women and I'm heavily involved with a sporting club however there are no single women, I don't really have any friends outside my club so I don't regularly talk to any females. It's really hard in a rural area where chicks move away and there's a real relationship culture rather than the dating/sleeping around in the city. 


Re: No motivation for females

Hey @adelaidecrows it definitely can make it harder if you feel pressured by your culture. I think some of us take for granted how easy we have it, for example my cultural identity doesn't expect me to marry or find a partner. It's good that you can recognise it is simply a cultural requirement, it doesn't actually make being single right or wrong. Organisations such as Kids Helpline (14-25 year olds can use this service) and Mensline are completely confidential so you could get support without anyone knowing Smiley Happy They are free too!


How are you tonight?

Re: No motivation for females

Thanks for your help @Bree-RO it's not my cultural identity that expects me to find a parter but it's everyone who critises single people for being losers and and TV shows based around relationships and dating.

I'm alright tonight, actually most of the time I'm fine but there are nights where I struggle, thankyou so much for asking, it means a lot to me