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Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

I have opened new wounds with my childhood trauma with 5 schoolgirls who bullied me sexually until I was driven to suicide and out of the school I was tortured 4 years in a row the school didn’t believe me and made me feel more alone than I was feeling already who can help me or relate to me 

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

Hey @gmusicj 

 

I'm sorry to hear. That sounds so distressing. It must be so hard to have people not believe you. 

 

You mentioned opening up new wounds - what do you mean by that exactly? 

 

We're here for you. Heart

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

So I never told anyone and now new wounds because now I’m trying to talk about but it’s painful 

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

Hey @gmusicj 

I'm so sorry that happened, and I'm sorry that you were treated like that by both students and the school itself. It's disappointing to hear that the school you went to, a place where your best interests are in mind. A place that you put a lot of trust in didn't believe you when you told them about what happened. 

And I'm so sorry that you had to go through that for four years, it must absolutely suck. Here's something I found on the reachout website that can hopefully help you. I want you to know that you're not going to be alone through this time. I and members of the reachout forums will be there for you and try our best to help you ❤️. So please don't hesitate to message back if you need to, we'll always be here with open arms welcoming you. ❤️

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

I can’t stand the self harm because of the bullying I was just a child I was very scared after so the student welfare officer got a 14 year old to look out for me if the bullies approach me scream so I got appointment I screamed and I screamed so loud my 14 year peer helper heard me and she got me into her friendship group they hugged as I was crying the girl stood up for me she then took to one of my year 10 peer support leaders available to year 7’s only I was a year 7 they took me to the principal by the hand and the girls got dentition and I got a psychologist to talk to in school the year 8’s and year 10’s kept a close eye on me but I continued to get bullied 

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

@gmusicj 

It's good to hear that there are people that are there to support you and to take care of you. But, I'm sorry to hear that you've still been bullied even after getting some help.

Has talking to a professional helped you? 

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

Hi @gmusicj,

I am sorry that you have been remembering all of this. It must be incredibly distressing to have to go through this again. I was wondering whether you still speak to a professional about the impact that this has had on you? You mention that it has raised a lot of emotions and new wounds for you. You don't have to go through this alone and the website ApplesRoses linked has a lot of resources and supports. What do you mean by 'I can't stand the self-harm'? Have you been harming yourself?

We are always here to listen Heart

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

No I’m not self harming now but I use to 

Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

Hi @gmusicj,

 

I am just catching up on this thread from over the weekend. We are so grateful you reached out to us here Heart Thank you for being open and honest with us about self harming in past, it really means a lot to us that you have trusted this community to share your story. 

 

I remember a conversation from last year where we talking about self blame, and it sounds like this is has been continued feeling over time, is that right?. I'm hearing that the self blame is really painful Heart

 

Going through something has tough as you have, and having the courage to reach out for help and talk about these experiences shows so much strength. We hear from many young people who have gone through traumatic experiences that self blame can be one of the toughest parts to work through when healing Heart When these memories have come back in past, and they bring up big feelings, has there been anything that has helped you to cope through that moment?

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Re: Childhood trauma can’t stop self blaming

@gmusicj  I'm so sorry you've been through that! I just wanted to hop on to say thank you for your bravery. I think the advice the others on this thread have given is great. I hope you're able to find peace and that you can get the help that you need and deserve. Whenever you need any peer support, remember we're here for you in the forums. Heart