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Confused/Frustrated Mind

I am on school holidays... and am trying to be social because i am not the most socially active person around.

My best friend is having a birthday party and all of a sudden, i dont want to go. I dont know how to tell her that i dont want to come. And i dont know why i dont want to go.

 

Can someone please help me by pointing out ideas. I want to get my mind sorted out... but i dont know how or what to do. Why do I even feel like this?

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Re: Confused/Frustrated Mind

Hey there,

 

I totally get this feeling. I am not a very social person either and often feel this way before events... But good job on trying!!

 

My guess is that you are just feeling anxious! Have you ever felt this way before? Maybe before giving a speech at school or playing a team sport? Anxiety is completely normal but if it is affecting your participation in things that you normally enjoy it might be worth having a chat about this with your school counsellor or GP. Also check out this factsheet for tips on managing anxiety

 

What helps me when I am feeling this way is to think up all possible scenarios, then come up with ways to deal with those scary situations if they occur - although mainly once I've thought up those scenarios I realize that it is very unlikely to happen so I change my thinking. I also try to think back to times when I've felt this way before and when the situation has turned out fine!! So I use that to remind myself that this situation will most probably be fine too! I generally just really try to push through and tell myself that even though I might be nervous now, I'll probably have heaps of fun when I get there.

 

If you really feel as though you can't go, that's totally okay too, I'm sure your friend will understand, maybe it would help letting her know that you are a bit anxious? If you can't go, maybe organise a lunch together later in the week. 

 

Good luck, let us know how you go. 

 

MM

Re: Confused/Frustrated Mind

Hey 012EmC,

 

Social situations can be challenging at the best of times. If you're not someone who feels comfortable in a group it can be really exhausting and overwhelming doing something like going to a party.

Is there another way you can celebrate your friend's birthday? Something with just you two? I belive that if doing something 'fun' is not fun at all for you, then it's your right to find something that is.

If you feel that you need to go, then I reckon MM's advice is great. Managing the anxiety before hand can really help.

I would also recommend working out how long you think you can stand and then letting your friend know you'll only be there for that length of time. Setting that time at the beginning of the party can also be a little trick that works. Sometimes you might find that by the time people start to arrive you're starting to feel better about being there.

Another little trick that can work is having 'time outs' during the party. Going for a walk, sitting in an empty room, removing yourself from the action can sometimes be helpful if you're feeling the anxiety building while you're there.

 

Hope this helps, let us know if you give any of these a go and how they work out for you. Smiley Happy

Re: Confused/Frustrated Mind

@012EmC: I feel the same sometimes, that when it comes to being around a lot of people it can become a chore. I've always found that when I'm meeting new people or someone that I'm not very familiar or comfortable with I have to exert A LOT of energy just to even seem social.

It's great that you're trying to be more social, although I know that sometimes it can be hard. My tip would be to have a friend with you to sort of be a 'wingman' or 'wingwoman' who will give you that comfort and will help you meet other people.

All the best Smiley Happy

Re: Confused/Frustrated Mind

Heya EmC Smiley Happy

What everyone else has said should help.

Personally I feel the same way you do a lot of the time. Have you ever heard about the difference between Introverts & Extroverts? It's a little different to what you might think - Introverts get their energy from time on their own and Extroverts get it from time around others. I'm a classic introvert, so I get pretty stressed about social situations just like you've explained here.

Try not to beat yourself up too much about it - you're just different from the extroverts, nothing wrong with that Smiley Happy Us introverts are a misunderstood minority Smiley Wink

And hey, if it's your best friend, they'll understand how you're feeling, talk to them about it.

If you want to know more about introversion/extroversion the Myers Briggs personality types are really interesting - if you Google myers briggs you might be able to find a test to do online - it's all pretty interesting!

Take care,
JD.