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Depressed/Suicidal

Hi

 
I’m very depressed at the moment and I’m having suicidal thoughts everyday because I’ve discovered my soul purpose and the soulmates who were meant to be in my life but I was born 6 years too late, in the wrong country and too the wrong family and as a result of that I can’t be with the people I want to be with, who I know would be my best friends if I was in their life and they were in mine and who are the most important people in my life and I also can’t pursue my dream career and do what I really want to do with my life as a result of being born 6 years too late, in the wrong country too the wrong parents, so I now to have life my whole life depressed and unable to do what I want to do with my life and unable to be with the people I really want to be with, who make my life worth living. I am having suicidal thoughts because my thinking is that if I do commit suicide then I will be able to be with those people all the time, I will be able to be there for them 24/7 and I will be a part of their lives like I was meant to be.
 
I am really lost and I don’t know what to do because I can’t live my whole life constantly depressed and thinking about how I should have been born 6 years earlier and in a different country to a different family and how I can’t fulfil my soul purpose and how I can’t be with my soulmates who were meant to be my best friends.
JonoG
JonoGPosted 08-01-2022 06:53 PM

Comments

 
Anzelmo
AnzelmoPosted 09-01-2022 08:27 PM

Hi @JonoG 

 

That sounds really difficult to be feeling that you're stuck and not belonging in the right time and place. Being away from those that we love and feeling that our dreams are out of reach can be really draining and make us feel hopeless. But there's more to this world if we continue to give it a chance and push forward even when it's hard. 

 

If you don't mind me asking, what makes you feel this way that you're born 6 years too late into the wrong country and from the wrong parents? Also where exactly do you want to end up in terms of your relationships and ambitions?

 

 

 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 09-01-2022 11:56 PM

I have discovered that the thing that my heart and soul desires and the thing that I would have done with my life would have been that I would’ve become a K-pop idol in the group I should be in and lead. The group that I feel like I

should have been in means that would have had to have been born 6 years earlier in Korea, the other reason why feel like I was born 6 years too late and in the wrong country is because the people who I feel strongly connected to and want to be around are around 24-25 years of age meaning that I would be better suited to be around them if I was 25-26 myself and I feel like I was born to the wrong parents because my parents are Australian, whereas I should've been born to Korean parents

 

all I want to do is be a K-pop idol in the group I love and spread love and positivity through music and spend my time with the people who I love the most in the world and who make me happy but I will never be able to do that unless I can go back and fix the past and change it to how it shouldve been because I was born 6 years too late and in the wrong country to the wrong parents

 
Adam-RO
Adam-ROPosted 08-01-2022 07:36 PM

Hi @JonoG ,

 

It sounds like a really, really difficult time for you. I can't imagine the hardship you are currently going through in not being able to be with those who you feel really connected to. I can imagine there's a lot more to unpack in your situation and I want us to support you through it. I can understand that you are separated from those you consider your soulmates in quite a geographical and timeframe sense. Has something happened to change the dynamic of those relationships? 

 

I am feeling really concerned by what you've written and really want to make sure that you're safe. I'm reading you're having suicidal thoughts. Do you have a plan or an intention to act on these thoughts? 

I really want to validate that the sense of feeling lost and uncertainty are okay. We are here to support you. 

 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 09-01-2022 11:55 AM

Hi Adam, I do not plan on acting on these thoughts, it’s just that it does seem like the best option because then I would be able to be with the people I want to be with 24/7 and then I would be able to be there for them and support them all the time in a spiritual way.

 

I have never physically met them only seen them in photos and videos but I feel very connected with them and I can’t help but be happy when I see them

 
 
 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 09-01-2022 06:28 PM

Hi @JonoG, I am really sorry to hear that - it sounds like you are struggling with the idea of not being able to be with your soul mates. These people that you admire sound really special and important to you. Are these people who you talk to? Are they still with us or have they passed on? I can hear how difficult this is for you and I can only imagine the pain that this brings for you.  Sometimes when we can't be with people like we want to, we have to think of other ways of connecting with them. What ways make you feel connected to them currently?

 
 
 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 09-01-2022 11:46 PM

I haven't actually physically met them and I can't really talk to them but they make me very happy and always brighten my day, I do feel as though they are my soulmates but my head always tells me that it's just wishful thinking and they aren't actually my soulmates other wise I would be in their lives. The only way I can be connected to them is by looking at photos and videos of them

 
 
 
 
 
Kathleen_RO
Kathleen_ROPosted 10-01-2022 11:49 AM

Hi @JonoG

 

Sorry to hear your struggling right now. Hugs 🤗

 

Could you perhaps tell me more about your situation right now?

 

How long have you been having these thoughts and I just wanted to check in and see how are you feeling today?

 

I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 
 
 
 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 10-01-2022 01:57 PM

Hi Kathleen, my situation hasn't changed and I've been having the depressing and suicidal thoughts for about a month, everyday and im not feeling any different today, I am still crying most days because I just want to know why I wasn't born at the right time and in the right country to the right parents

 
 
 
 
 
Kathleen_RO
Kathleen_ROPosted 10-01-2022 02:32 PM

Hi @JonoG,

 

ĂŹ am sorry to hear that you're struggling right now.  I am really glad you have reached out for support. You are so brave!  I really admire your courage to share - it's not easy to talk about self-harm or suicide, but it's so important to be able to and I'm really glad you posted.

 

Talking about the thoughts you're having is protective so it's really helpful that you've been able to talk to us about how you are feeling.

 

We're concerned for you and I wanted to ask - are you safe right now and do you have a safety plan? Does anyone else in your life know that you are struggling right now? Do you see a Psychologist or Psychiatrist? 

 

I look forward to hearing from you.🙂

 

 
 
 
 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 10-01-2022 05:30 PM

Hi Kathleen

 

I am safe right now and I don't have a safety plan.

There are other people who know I'm struggling, but I haven't told them the cause because I'm worried they will think I'm delusional or just dismiss it as wishful thinking.

I'm not currently seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist

 

 

 
 
 
 
 
Adam-RO
Adam-ROPosted 10-01-2022 06:27 PM

Hey @JonoG ,

 

I really appreciate you keeping in touch and letting us know how you're doing. 

I totally hear you - it can be hard to talk about these things if you're worried what others might think. It's also hard to hold the heaviness you're experiencing all on your own. Is there anything you find helps when things feel really overwhelming?

I'm echoing my concern and I can see Kathleen linked what a safety plan can look like. I understand you haven't got a safety plan or professional support. Have you considered trying to link in with any sort of professional supports? Some of the main ones are Kids Helpline and Headspace or even get in touch with your GP. I also want you to know that we're here to support you as a community, and like I said at the start, I really appreciate you keeping in touch and helping us help you. Sending positive energy your way đź¤—

 
 
 
 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 10-01-2022 07:58 PM

Hi Adam,

 

the only thing I can do when things get really overwhelming is listen to my favourite music or look at photos and videos of the people who I believe should be in my life and who make me the happiest but even that makes me sad occasionally because it reminds of who I should be with but aren’t with.

 

I have webchatted with kids helpline and emailed headspace

 

 
 
 
 
 
Adam-RO
Adam-ROPosted 10-01-2022 10:54 PM

Heya @JonoG ,

 

I can really see that there's this longing for connection that I know you really want but also feel quite limited by external circumstances. Have you been able to find peers/communities/hobbies that you have been able to connect to in the more accessible sense? South Korea feels and is quite far, and I'm sure there can be a time when you are able to travel there and immerse yourself in the culture you seem to connect with. Until then, perhaps finding something more local to keep you going until then is an option. 

 

How've you been feeling today? I hope you found something to keep you occupied.

 
 
 
 
 
JonoG
JonoGPosted 11-01-2022 08:32 PM

Hi Adam, I haven't been able to find any peers,

communities or hobbies yet and the only things that can keep me occupied are listening to my favourite music and looking at photos and videos of the people who I should be with

 
 
 
 
 
Iona-RO
Iona-ROPosted 12-01-2022 11:16 AM

Hi @JonoG 

I noticed that you've started a new post so I am going to reply to you over there and explore some more of the questions you asked 🙂

Welcome back!

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