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Feels like I'll be waiting forever

I'm trying to get help. But whatever I do involves waiting.

Doesn't seem that bad.

Except that I've been waiting about three years for help with pretty severe mental illness.

 

Not all at once, that would be too obvious.

Just bit by bit.

A week, a month. A week, six months. Two days. A week. Two months. Two weeks. Three months, one month. Two months, two weeks. Five days, one hour. 

 

Now I'm waiting for a few days. Not too bad.

But it won't just be a few days. It's never just a few days.

 

People get annoyed when I want progress too quickly.

But if I start waiting, it will never stop.

 

I'm not even scared that I'll never find help. I'm scared that I'll never stop waiting for it. No matter what I do or how hard I work, I'm just waiting.

Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 19-03-2020 05:32 PM

Comments

 
Taylor-RO
Taylor-ROPosted 19-03-2020 10:38 PM
Hi @Tiny_leaf, thank you for sharing. I can see how endlessly waiting would really suck. You must be tired of constantly waiting. Waiting can be such an uneasy space to sit in because it is full of the unknown and can be quite tedious. When seeking support, do you feel that waiting can be quite demotivating and disempowering for you? You also mentioned you are waiting for a few days right now.. if you don't mind me asking, what is coming up for you? Heart
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 19-03-2020 11:41 PM

@Taylor-RO yeah mostly disempowering. But I think that the whole system is set up to make people feel like that.

Apparently I have an interview to see if I can do some more waiting to maybe get into a metal health service. Assuming that it isn't cancelled like everything else.

 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 20-03-2020 02:08 PM

I hope your interview isn't cancelled @Tiny_leaf I have my fingers and toes crossed for you! How are you going today? 

 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 20-03-2020 02:52 PM

@Bre-RO I feel really tired and sick and sore and hopeless. There's nothing I can do. I don't want to be in this fucked up situation.

 
 
 
 
 
Bre-RO
Bre-ROPosted 20-03-2020 04:51 PM

I wish you weren't in this situation either @Tiny_leaf feeling like you're waiting forever is just so exhausting. How has things been with your case worker and support coordinator? I remember you mentioned they were both really passionate and good at advocating. I hope they can push for more supports to come through for you Heart 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 20-03-2020 06:51 PM

@Bre-RO they had to cancel because one of them is getting top surgery and can't afford to catch anything and the other needs to figure out how to deal with coronavirus.

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 20-03-2020 06:32 PM

@Tiny_leaf  i am sorry finding help has been so hard for you it shouldnt be so hard it really shouldnt, i cant really say much that is helpful but i am sitting with you. (also if you reply and i dont i am not ignoring you but it might take me a little time). 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 20-03-2020 06:53 PM

Thank you @Eden1717 

It means a lot.

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 20-03-2020 09:19 PM

So apparently I have a meeting on Monday.

Idk I want to be optimistic but it's hard...

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 20-03-2020 09:54 PM

@Tiny_leaf  i hope it goes well for you. 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 21-03-2020 04:27 PM

Thanks @Eden1717 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 21-03-2020 04:30 PM

Heaps of verbal abuse from my brother has really started my day off well.

I particularly love the targeting of my illnesses and disabilities, as well as his display of the privilege he gets from not having them.

(yes, that's sarcasm)

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 21-03-2020 06:57 PM

@Tiny_leaf  I am sorry about your brother that stuff can be really hurtful i had a similar issue with my sister for a while and my mother would always ignore it but it has improved since my sister has grown up and had some more life experience. idk about brothers though i dont have any but it really does suck for you that that sort of tension is around you all the time. 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 23-03-2020 12:48 PM

Thank you @Eden1717 

I hope he grows up soon...

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 23-03-2020 12:50 PM

So.. update. 

I now just need to wait till 3pm (WA time).

I'm so nervous.

They probably won't help me but I'm still really hoping they will.

 
 
 
 
 
Janine-RO
Janine-ROPosted 23-03-2020 04:33 PM

Hey @Tiny_leaf , I hope it goes well! Keep us posted on how you go, we'll be thinking of you. And well done for being so persistent and such an awesome advocate for yourself, I know you've put a lot of work in to finding supports. 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 23-03-2020 09:52 PM

@Janine-RO Idk how it went, but I feel really tired and defeated. 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 24-03-2020 03:43 AM

So my granddad died tonight.

I don't know what else to say...

 
 
 
 
 
Eden1717
Eden1717Posted 24-03-2020 05:20 PM

@Tiny_leaf  i am really really sorry about that let us know if we can do anything. 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 24-03-2020 09:52 PM

Thank You @Janine-RO and @Eden1717 

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 24-03-2020 10:00 PM

It's really hard to balance my mental health with following social distancing and all that.

 

Like.. I'd been starting to use leaving the house more to reduce my depression.

Or using novelty as a way to deal with bordem.

Or spending time with my support workers to reduce loneliness.

 

It's hard. Because I need coping mechanisms. But the ones I've been slowly building up are being taken away.

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 24-03-2020 10:02 PM

Oh also I can't go to my grandad's funeral because of the new limits.

 
 
 
 
 
Andrea-RO
Andrea-ROPosted 24-03-2020 10:59 PM

Hey @Tiny_leaf

 

I am so so deeply sorry to hear about some of the things you've had to go through recently. Grief is one of the most difficult emotions to process, and having to deal with the death of someone you love is stressful and exhausting. This would only be made harder by how difficult everything has become in the past month. 

As strange as it might sound, it's ok not to be ok right now. A lot of the time we can put a big emphasis on feeling good, or even feeling ok. However, there will be moments in our life where this just won't be, or can't be true. It really, really does suck, but in these times all we can do is just take things as slow as we need to. Think about things one day at a time, or even one hour at a time if that is more manageable. RO will always be here to support you, so you can lean on us whenever you need to ❤️

 
 
 
 
 
Tiny_leaf
Tiny_leafPosted 25-03-2020 01:09 PM

So my computer shut down last time I tried to post this.

 

But my volunteering place has decided on some new measures to deal with the virus.

 

Apparently they're just an inconvenience for everyone.

 

Basically, there's only allowed to be one person in each vehicle, the driver. Everyone else has to walk.

People aren't allowed to work together anymore. One person per enclosure.

 

I can't drive. But I can't walk those kind of distances either, thanks to my body.

I struggle with working independently, I need someone with me to help.

 

Looks like all the accommodations that I  need to volunteer have been taken away.

And they're acting like it's just gonna be a mild inconvenience for everyone.

But it's not.

I might not be able to volunteer any more. 

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