Hard times getting even harder.
Life just sucks at the moment. But I'm not the only one who feels like this Anyway, here's my story of why my life just sucks. It's not very pretty either :/
Anyway, in December last year I broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months.. He lied about trying to kill himself 3 or 4 times and cheated on me. He was the first person I ever loved and he made all that up in an attempt to impress me and to make me worried about him. Yeah, he's a jerk, but somehow I still love him He was always there for me when I had nobody else, and now he's all gone. He won't even talk to me, but I don't blame him.
Annnnd then there's the issue with my sister. I can sum her up in two words. Immature and abusive. Oh, and she's 17. She's been fighting with me ever since I was ten. Made me believe I did certain things all the time, made my life hell, stole anything and everything I own. And it just gets worse and worse. All because of her, I have next to no privacy in my room. I had a door with a lock on the doorknob which meant so much to me, but she broke that and I haven't gotten a new one ever since. I just have a hole in my door and I try to keep it shut with whatever I can find. I have a toolbox with a lock that i use as a safe. Problem is, it's not enough. It's never enough. And either way if I get my doorknob back, she'll break it again. I wonder what she's going to say then? Last time apparently I left the hair straighter on, or I was locked out of my room when in reality, I was in my room the entire time. She's broken my door twice, left scars, lied, hit me, embarrased me in front of my friends, starts fights in public, she steals my things, breaks my things, pushes things over, the list goes on and on. She starts fights over virtually nothing. She even started a fight over pizza just yesterday. She's the whole reason I started self-harming, but I stopped. Hopefully for good. She calls me a three year old, immature, slut, whore, metal-face (because I have braces), i think she called me canopener once ( I had buck teeth and everyone called me that, hence the bullying for 9 years), bitch, worthless etc. The list just goes on and on. She thinks I'm gothic because I don't like the music she does and because my favourite band is Rise Against. I'm even scared to go to a friends place because I don't want to do something stupid and because I'm scared she'll go through my stuff and steal even more things. And my parents go out to archery for a few hours every Sunday which gives her the perfect opportunity to ruin my day. She even fights with me when she has her boyfriend over and she always makes it seem like its all MY fault when its not. I've tried pretty much everything to try and get it to stop. I've tried talking to her (which is only good for a few hours), staying away from her and trying to like similar things. It just won't work.
So yeah, abused for 5 years and bullied for 9. Oh what a pleasant life I have -.-
Re: Hard times getting even harder.
I'm so sorry to hear that things are tough for you at home.
Have you appealed to your parents about this? If it's an ongoing issue, they need to be made aware of it. I mean, I'm sure you've told them that she's been bugging you but they might not be aware of the extent to which it is happening.
Indeed, some might argue that she might have some serious issues of her own that need to be addressed or treated.
In any case, the emotional abuse you're suffering from can take a real toll on your self-confidence. I'd recommend you take some time to make sure you look after yourself in the face of this unpleasant treatment. For example, make a list of good things you've achieved over the past year (sometimes they might seem hard to spot but they're definitely there!), set yourself some goals you can work on, and consider taking up a hobby.
On the topic of goals, we just had a really great "Getting Real" session about goals just a couple of days ago!
I know things are rough right now, which is why it's all the more important to make sure you look after yourself.
EDIT: Oh, and I edited a specific description of self-harm in your post to keep it within the community guidelines. No biggie.
Re: Hard times getting even harder.
As for your boyfriend, I can assure you that there are other guys out there, and while a broken heart can hurt the most, it WILL get better over time. Try to go out with friends and immerse yourself in things that you enjoy doing.
I feel like I should remind you that everybody goes through shit in their life. You're not the only one and this won't be the last time. But I don't think you should judge the "quality" of your life based on the negatives and based on the few years that you've lived. Learn to notice the good things and you'll find that life will suck a lot less.
Seen something fantastic on the forums?