Hitting a Real Low
This week I got some real bad news. There was something wrong with my right eye's vision so I went to see the optometrist. Turned out that I had a retina detachment in my right eye and I had to get emergency eye surgery or else I'd go blind in a couple of months in that eye. It was pretty scary and shocking to hear.
I had the surgery earlier this week, the surgery itself was okay and did't hurt too much because all the drugs and anesthesia. It hurt quite a bit after, however, and I've been recovering. I can't use the eye though which is extremely frustrating because I do have things to do. I'm not even sure if the surgery was 100% successful. I'm really worried that my eye will never be the same and I'll be legally blind in that eye forever. It's all really distracting and I honestly can't concentrate. I don't have any drive to do work at moment.
I've already been down lately as well. I hurt my leg only a couple of weeks ago and just got off crutches, however, I still have to slightly limp. All this has been quite overwhelming, and it's really hard to have a positive outlook on things when the thing I usually do to destress I'm not allowed to do also which is exercise. I'm not suppose to do any strenuous activity while my eye is healing.
I watch some TV series to comfort myself but then it also frustrates me because I have a lot of university work to catch up on considering I had to miss this entire week to recover but I have no drive to do it. I want to complete this work and do my best but doing it is just so frustrating and I can't concentrate with one eye. I feel so overwhelmed with the workload and also frustrated with my body. And I feel so lonely, even though my family do a really good job comforting me I still feel lonely. And I miss my ex so much. I miss being able to tell her my pain. I miss her comfort. Now I don't even know her and she has no idea what's going on about me. And I'm scared I'll never have a connection like the one did ever again.
When I think back to the start of the year I honestly have no idea what happened. At the start of the year, I was going to the gym regularly, hanging out with friends, super motivated, healthy and doing well in sport. Now I feel like I'm the unfittest I've been in a lot time, can only see out of one eye might not even be able to do the sport I love anymore because of this eye injury and just so behind on work. I feel like Fat Thor from End Game. I just feel broken.
I know things can get better, and I know my attitude has a lot do with it but at the moment I've just hit a real low. I have hope and do believe things will get better but right now things really do suck.
Comments
Hi @batman101! I'm really sorry about your eye, your leg and the surgery. Eye problems can be so painful and frustrating. The front of your eye is one of the most sensitive parts of your body, so having a procedure or any kind of discomfort can be perceived as very painful. 
I have had problems with my eyes and vision all my life and there have been times where I have only been able to use one eye too, although the main issues I'm having now have to do with my eyelids and corneas and they are so annoying. They are actually hurting as I type this and nothing has helped so far. My ophthalmologists are thinking about eventually performing a superficial keratectomy and I'm not looking forward to it. Eye surgeries can be so miserable.
I haven't had many retinal issues, but I've heard that as long as you follow the surgeon's instructions and not do anything strenuous after surgery to fix a retina detachment, it should heal well. Is there anyone who can help you as you recover? My family members have been happy to assist me with eye drops, lifts, appointments, picking up medications and the like.
I think it's great that watching TV helps you because when my vision is at its worst, it's hard for me to watch or read anything. Is there anyone you can contact at your university such as disability or support services? You might be able to get an extension on your work.
Not being able to do exercise can make you feel so sluggish and fatigued. Are you able to do some simple exercises that aren't too strenuous and won't negatively impact on your recovery? You could go on walks (if you are able to tolerate going outside) or do some stretches.
When I have my eye symptoms, I have a lot of negative thoughts such as, 'I hate my eyes' and 'I wish I could see better'. They stop me from focusing, lead to a lot of other negative thoughts and make me feel bad about myself. Something that helps me cope with these thoughts is learning to acknowledge the pain rather than trying to change my thinking. I have also been trying to do mindfulness exercises and writing down the thoughts to get them off my chest before carrying on with whatever I am doing. I found these resources really helpful in making me feel better. There are also lots of ideas for coping strategies on this thread.
I hope that you can have a speedy recovery. I'm crossing my fingers that you won't end up with long term problems. 
@WheresMySquishy wow just started reading through the distress intolerance document and I didn't realise how relatable it would be for me.
@batman101 How are you doing? I'm glad you have a supportive family and that the resources are helpful. 
Thanks for your kind words. I'm seeing my ophthalmologist next week and I hope he can try something that ends up working for me.
Eye surgeries can take a long time to recover from, unfortunately. It could take a while to get used to your new vision. It can be a really challenging time. I think yoga and meditation can be good options. Exercising can help you feel better and get you back on your feet more quickly as long as it's not too strenuous.
Family has been absolute blessing. That really is a helpful suggestion though. I don't normally like asking too much for help but I think I need to humble myself and really ask those around me to support me. Thanks for the reminder and the encouragement.
Also cheers for the resources as well. I think I'll give them ago. Might also try some yoga or see counsellor tbh.
@batman101 it sounds like everything has been really overwhelming for you lately 😞 it's definitely understandable the way you're feeling right now! How's everything sitting with you at the moment?
I'm so glad your family is being really supportive with what you're going through after the surgery Do you think it would be helpful for you to reach out to a family member and have a chat about what's been going on for you emotionally? Totally understandable that it can be a hard conversation to get started sometimes...
Doing yoga or seeing a counsellor both sound like really good ideas by the way, do you know if there's any way of accessing sessions through uni?
Sending lots of healing vibes your way xx
The recent eye surgery sounds like something that you might be able to get special consideration at Uni for and arrange some extensions for your assessments. Would that be something that could help you to have a little more time to focus on self-care at the moment while your eye is recovering?
It must be frustrating not being able to de-stress through exercise at the moment, are there any other activities that you could try while you are still healing to help with de-stressing?
