How to move on from the fact that I hurt someone
I'm a 23 year old furniture designer, and just came back from some internships with some furniture designers in Europe. I did three internships. When I did the final internship I was communicating with the designer in French, which i learned especially for the internship, which was only for 3 weeks. before and during the internship i felt like I had a lot of energy and enthusiasm. I went to dinner one night with the guy i was doing an internship with and his wife, and i said some things that i believe his wife interpreted as flirting. I've always thought of myself as gay, but i feel like he may have been attracted to me and i was also attracted to him. I feel as though I may have overstepped the unspoken boundary that women have.. or something like that. They even drove me to Paris, but I didn't say anything to his wife in the car.
Things got really awkward at the end (I feel I made things much more awkward than they needed to be) between his wife who had a little baby and me, and now I’m confused about my career and my sexuality, and I feel like I've lost all the creative energy I had before I did that internship. I’m home now and I cant seem to forget about it or move on.
I'm no longer in contact with the guy, and I sent an email to him thanking him for the internship and saying sorry for the miscommunication with his wife, but he hasn't responded. I guess I just have to get over it. Or perhaps I could try and contact him in another way..?
Any advice would me greatly appreciated.
Comments
Hi hattie1234
you mentioned that your a bit confused and although you have always thought you were gay, it had become a bit confusing. this fact sheet is all about sex and gender and may clear things up
http://au.reachout.com/All-about-sex-and-gender
and this fact sheet is about sexuality
http://au.reachout.com/Wellbeing/Personal-Identity/Sexuality
Hey Hattie,
Welcome to the forums 🙂 I think if I were in your position, given that this guy is married, has a child, and lives on the other side of the world... I'd probably just try to let it go. It sounds like you enjoyed your internship for the most part and I imagine it was a really great experience for you, but it's a big call to make to try and get back in contact with this guy. It would put a lot on the line for both you and him, and I guess you need to think about what would be at stake, and whether the way you're feeling is worth that.
What stuck out to me from your post was the uncertain kind of feeling about where things are at for you at the moment now that you're back home. It sounds like your internship and experiences meeting this guy have led you to question some things, like your sexuality, and it might be that that uncertainty is what is impacting on your creativity and spark. JJR has posted a couple of good factsheets outlining some info about sexuality, which you might find useful. I think (and this is 100% just my personal opinion) that sexuality is never completely clear cut - as humans, we fall in and out of love with people based on a whole heap of things (personality, chemistry, similarities, appearance, interests etc) - but rarely based on their gender. I don't think it's strange at all for someone to be attracted to people of any gender, because that's not what defines them as a person anyway. It sounds like feeling a bit attracted to this guy was a bit of a shock for you given that you've identified as gay, but maybe thinking without that gender-factor might make it make a bit more sense for you. That's just my thoughts, though 🙂
If you're struggling to stop thinking about it, I'd try to work out what exactly it is that is causing you to have these ongoing concerns about the situation. Is it that you're worried you offended his wife? Or you're curious about where things could have ended up? Or feeling guilty that you didn't get to thank them both enough? It could be a heap of things, but it will probably be difficult to work out how best to approach it until you know what it is that is bothering you.
Good luck 🙂
Hi Hattie, welcome to Reach Out!
It can be a bit confusing when you're overseas and there is a language and cultural barrier. Sometimes things just get lost in translation, so to speak. Is it possible that the wife just didn't know how to communicate with you properly and it came off a bit awkwardly?
Even if there was an attraction, he is married with a child and you are in a different country so it's probably best to try and just move on. Do you have any hobbies or favourite activities you can use to distract yourself when you can't seem to turn your thoughts off? I find exercise and watching movies helpful when I need to stop thinking about things for a while.
