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I feel like I am a alien

Hi Everyone,

 

I honestly do not know what to write. I have been feeling this way for a long time now and it really hurts. This year has been quite a rough year for me! I lost my grandmother earlier this year who I was close with and I dropped out of university after not being happy with my degree. I also turned 21 this year and I have heard that 21 is the best age of yor life, but for me it has been completely the opposite. 

 

My life has been rough in general! I was bullied from my primary to high school years and my parents also split up at an early age. It dosen't help that my mum is an alcoholic and was also mentally abusive. I live with my dad and he is a great dad, but I still have bad memories/nightmares of my mum showing up drunk. It scars me because I feel abandoned I can't trust people! I struggle to believe that I am good enough! 

 

It just hurts so bad. I always find it hard to connect with people. I feel like everytime I try and connect with someone that I am annoying them or they are just pretending to like me. However, I always have people tell me that I am gentleman, caring and good looking, but I can't believe them.  The thing is I love to help people! I volunteer with crimestoppers and plan on volunteering at my local hospital as well. My dream is to become a police officer! I want to do this because all this pain and suffering I have been through, I don't want anyone else to experience it. 

 

I am not asking for sympathy, I am just asking to be understood. Hopefully, writing here can help someone share their story.

I look forward to hearing from your all

 

Regards,

GentleGiant

 

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Hey @GentleGiant  I drafted a whole response to this and then lost it - doh! one second Smiley Happy .. I will repost!

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Hey @GentleGiant - thanks heaps for jumping on RO and sharing your story.

 

RO is a great place to visit and there will be a bunch of people who can offer you some peer support; some may even relate quite a bit to a few of the things you're dealing with. Particularly around your Mum, that must be super hard and no wonder you still experience a bit of anxiety over that it's a lot to take on. I am sorry about your Grandmother too, I am just wondering have you ever spoken to a counsellor or psych about some of the stuff you are dealing with?

There's an RO article here that may help, as well as this one on feeling overwhelmed.

 

Look forward to hearing from you soon Smiley Happy 

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Thank you for your response. I have been seeing a psychologist since last year. He has been quite helpful in getting me through my issues. I am just finding it hard to express my feelings because I will not be able to see my psychologist till febuary.  I am going to use one of my favourite movie quotes to describe I am feeling. "You're playing and you think everything is going fine. Then one thing goes wrong. And then another. And another. You try to fight back, but the harder you fight, the deeper you sink. Until you can't move... you can't breathe... because you're in over your head. Like quicksand. 

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Hi @GentleGiant - it's good that you are getting help from a psychologist but it sucks that they will be away till February. Remember you can always call Lifeline on 13 11 14 or KidsHelpLine on 1800 55 1800 if you need extra support Smiley Happy

What you said about feeling bad because 21 is meant to be the best year of your life resonated with me a lot. Statistically, I believe that is not true though - adolescents and early 20s tend to be the least happy years.

It sounds like you have had an incredibly difficult year Smiley Sad it's awesome that you are doing volunteering - how are you finding it?

What movie is that from? It sounds really familiar

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Thank you for your Response Smiley Happy. I really enjoy volunteering! I volunteer with crime stoppers and I plan on volunteering with my local hospital next year. That movie quote is from a Keanu Reeves movie called The Replacements. This year has been tough and I will be happy to see it go! However, I think this year has been made tougher because issues connecting with people and finding out the reasons why with my psychologist.

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Re: I feel like I am a alien

Hello @GentleGiant,

 

I know how hard it is to lose a loved one but remember that they will always be watching over you. Matter cannot be destroyed. Try to think of the happy times you shared with them as I am sure they would not want grief to hinder your success. Death is just the beginning.

 

No matter what your background is, everyone has the right to feel good about themselves. Sometimes we are our own worst critic, and unless you see through someone's eyes you will not know how truly wonderful you are to them. Trust people when they compliment you, because it may just be true!

 

No one is ever annoying for wanting to reach out and connect. If they do find you annoying then they are not worth your time. You deserve people who will reciprocate the effort you put in to befriend them. Sure society dictates that we should be pleasant to people even if we do not feel it, you will be able to tell if someone really likes you. Go with your gut feeling.

 

I think it is wonderful that you have a dream and an aspiration to help people. I have seen so many people fall into the trap of causing others to feel miserable because they have felt the same. You are a good person in wanting to do the opposite and prevent people from suffering the same fate as you, and that is truly admirable.

 

Keep up the good work, i am sure you will get there. Thank you for sharing your inspirational story with us and i hope i have been able to understand at least some part of what you felt.

 

 

Winter Rain

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Hi @GentleGiant and thank you for sharing part of your story with us.

 

I haven't seen that Keaneu Reeves movie - might have to check it out! That's great that you enjoy volunteering. I find it can be such a rewarding thing to do!

 

Sorry to hear you've been having a difficult time. It's great that you've been seeing a psychologist, and even though delving deeper into some of the things you struggle with has been tough, I think that deeper understanding could be helpful in the long run. What do you think?

 

How are you going today? 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: I feel like I am a alien

Thank you for your response. I actually had a really good day yesterday! I went out and talked and met some nice people. It's something I have been doing since last month and it helps with my anxiety and to sooth the negative thoughts. I also do not drink, smoke or use drugs, so it's made realise I don't have to use those things to meet people! 

 

Seeing a psychologist  has been a great help because it has made me realise what issues I have and it helps to heal. However, it's also made me realise why I have such a hard time connecting people and that hurts. I guess it has also made me realise that it wasn't my emotional scars and trauma that made me a good person! I was a good person the whole time. So it has been great help.

 

Re: I feel like I am a alien

@GentleGiantIt is so amazing that you can recognise your issues and even gain insight about how they have effected your life. You should be proud of yourself! It is also amazing that you want to take your experiences, learn from them and use that knowledge to help others.
How have you been today?
I understand that your psychologist will be away until feburary but in the mean time you can use some of the services May mentioned, such as lifeline, kids help line or even headspace which has both a online and telephone counselling service.

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