cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @sunnygirl606 and @Tiny_leaf @this will be a heck of a long message...so I am gonna split them up into two.

 

@sunnygirl606 i really am grateful to hear these kind words from you. They make my day so much better. I did just then get my scores. They weren’t amazing...lower than what I usually get. But guess what...I surprised myself today. I looked at them one by one super calmly and I was just so proud...of the work that I put in. I am just so so grateful to even learn about all these amazing things - especially soemthing as vast as integral calculus. I think knowing that this is what life is...a bunch of failures, a bunch of successes..helps. I am able to say that this is okay...and that this isn’t the end of the world...and that this isn’t my best...this isn’t all that I can do... and that I can learn from it and do better next time. Even..remotely thinking all this is such a proud accomplishment for me. 

I am definitely going to take a day off today as you suggested, catch up on some movies...maybe get into some art as well 😊

 

I sent an email directly to my teacher and I have to go talk to her next Monday or so. I really do feel that something is off...so if she doesn’t really respond, I might take it further and get it rechecked with another teacher thru the appeals process. 

What if’s are just exhausting...and really unnecessary. I have been doing the questions method for a long time before college but abruptly stopped at the start of year 11 for some reason. I think it’s time I get back into it because Uni is approaching...and I really want to do something different to cope and be able to have a good time 😊

 

Aww, thanks @sunnygirl606, it really does get difficult sometimes. I don’t think I have genuine friends because people around me are so focused on competing with one another. Finding someone who truly cares for you at this college is really a challenge. And I have felt so lonely sometimes..but couldn’t do anything more than try and make things better - which often ended in vain. I think building a relationship with myself has been the single best thing I have ever done. That being said though..I am really hoping that in Uni next year, I get to meet some genuine people and be a part of an awesome friendship!

 

The pain really heightens when I stress myself out like @Tiny_leaf @suggested. It is definitely a compressive feeling...making it hard to breathe sometimes. Unfortunately things are complicated at home at the moment...and I haven’t been able to visit the doctor yet. I do take some pain medication if it gets unbearable...but it doesn’t do much. I tried some breathing exercises @Tiny_leaf @but it didn’t help as much as I would have liked it to. I am not really sure what I can do...other than try to not stress as excessively...which is a lot easier to say than do 😅

 

yeah...test halls are so scary here. I hate the five minutes before walking in, because that’s when people are usually buzzing around, quizzing each other. That really put me off, when we returned to face to face learning. But it’s gotten easier...the recent one I did wasn’t that bad. I managed to not panic..and thought clearly through the test. That was the one thing I was just so proud of when I walked back out...because it was such a huge surprise. That’s the thing though @sunnygirl606, it’s really difficult to find teachers who care at all for your well being. Other than student advisers, I would say nobody really cares much about anyone else at this college. It’s all about scores and ranking. If you aren’t up there...you are pretty much irrelevant. 

Yes...for sure, and I think I am beginning to realise that. I think..it is okay to let go sometimes especially when things get hard. I was trying so hard to cope this past few months. And even despite that I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night because I wasn’t able to finish anything that day...and that made me get up and try my best anyway. And I am freaking proud of it all. Just...really hoping something works out in the end ❤️

 

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @Tiny_leaf, don’t worry about it, how have you been holding up?

 

Yes...getting anxious doesn’t help at all. It’s just so painful sometimes making it so hard to think clearly during it. I have no idea what to do..my doctor isn’t responsive at all...getting a different one right now just isn’t an option. I have tried box breathing techniques and such...they help for a little while but not as much. The only thing that really helps is some sleep to be honest. But my parents...make that so difficult. They often tend to mock me for it but...I am trying my best regardless to get some anyway. 

That’s okay, but thank you for your support ❤️ Yes! Me too, I did that once, and ended up having to change everything the day before. The only thing though is that I don’t get enough guidance at school. How are you supposed to do well...when you don’t know what you have to do to get there? They assume we know everything because they assume everyone is academically strong here. And on top of that though, some of the students get extra help due to bias in tuitions as well as in class. Oh well, I can only do what I can. This is just something...beyond my control. No point stressing about it at all. 

Yeah, I am hoping to talk to her next week...I just hope that something positive comes out of it. This is sort of the first time I am asking to appeal...so I am quite nervous. Hopefully all goes well

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @StarGirl101 I think it's really awesome the way you're viewing your test scores, you're right to be proud of your effort - and be proud of your positive thinking!

(Also integral calculus sounds V hard so I truly take my hat off to you for doing that!) 

Emailing your teacher is a great way to be proactive and take some power back to understand your scores, good on you for taking that step. 

I LOVE what you've said that building a relationship with yourself is the best thing you've ever done - (can we get that on a t-shirt?) And I totally get what you're saying about making friends at uni as opposed to school, it really can open up a whole lot of new opportunities to meet people and form friendships Heart

That is such a shame to hear that wellbeing isn't valued at your college, do you have a student advisor you like?

I'm sorry your parents are mocking you for sleeping, thats really crap. It sounds like you are in-tune with your need for sleep which is so important. 

Hope you're having a chill time watching movies/doing art/whatever you decide to do with your day off Smiley Very Happy

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

I'm so proud of you @StarGirl101 ! Yes, sometimes even when the scores aren't what we expect, it is always good to be calm and appreciate what we did do and the work we put in! I love hearing about this from you! And that's the thing too, sometimes our test scores may not be that great to us but the things we learn about are too amazing to let the score get in the way! 

 

Life is really complicated and challenging - some days are easy and some days aren't but like you said, it's a mix of failure and successes. And failures aren't always a bad thing!! They can be really beneficial to us so we know what we need to work on! 

 

I'm so glad to hear that you are feeling proud of accomplishing some things today! It must feel really good to feel this way about yourself after you've felt discouraged by the scores  Smiley Very Happy I'm excited to hear about your day off and all the amazing things you get up to! 

 

I hope it goes well with your teacher!! Uni will give you the opportunity to find good people - i found that joining some clubs and groups with people who you share interests with was really good for me. They became big encouragers for my life and my uni work! 

 

And i understand completely with how you feel with teachers not caring and the school only thinking that scores matter, but i can tell you that all successes in life aren't based on scores! Those minutes leading up to tests outside the test halls, i feel you with that! Are there some things you can do about this, as in maybe separate yourself from the group a bit so you don't have to hear them going over content? I usually practice some deep breathing to calm myself down and even tell my friends that i just need some quiet time by myself. I'm glad to hear that it's getting easier for you; but make sure even on those days that are a little tougher, don't let this be discouraging! Just remind yourself of the progress you have made and that every journey isn't always smooth!!

 

Things will work out, and it sounds like you've been making some good progress! Do you feel the same way? 

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @sunnygirl606 and @Hannah-RO @thanks so much for the lovely words ❤️

@Hannah-RO @I do like my assigned student adviser, she is super nice and so caring. Though I feel like I bug her too many times, because I always want to know about things I can do to improve my scores after a bad term. But she is definitely my favourite...and I am warming up to her which is nice 😊 I even emailed her yesterday and she made me think of the positives over the negatives and that reminder was really helpful too. 

 

@sunnygirl606 it’s been a roller coaster ride to be honest from yesterday afternoon. It’s like this constant battle between the rational part and the anxious parts of my mind. One moment I am calm, thinking that this isn’t the end of the world, and that things will work out in the end like they are supposed to. Then the other part takes overs and reminds me of how well other people have done...and that the stuff I have gone through shouldn’t be an excuse for not doing as well. It’s exhausting. One of my tutors...she is such a lovely woman. She told us not to worry about our scores and that as long as we put in the work, we really should be proud. I took the time last night to let her know that even though my scores were lower than what I would have liked...I was still so proud. She read it..but didn’t exactly bother to reply which really put me down. I felt like I was making so much drama...for not even doing that well. 

The good part of yesterday though...was that I got some time to download some awesome mental health apps last night...which really helped. There is one called Cove, where you get to make your own music and name it with how you feel...and at the end it’s like a music journal that you can look back on. I am grateful for that 😆 it really helped to cope last night. 

Yeah, I definitely hope that uni would be different @Hannah-RO @and @sunnygirl606 . I think having someone there would be so  nice - a teacher who genuinely cares and mentors you and a friend who doesn’t judge but encourages you to do better. I really really hope that I can have a fresh start next year...and be who I truly want and need to be.

 

Unfortunately @sunnygirl606, I am afraid I don’t really have the option to separate from the crowd...because at the end I have to gather around the hall in order to get in anyway. It’s difficult not knowing what to do to cope when there is nothing...you can do in that situation. 

I think...I am growing as a person which is something I have no doubt about. These past few years really made me understand how to believe in myself and persevere...and I think that’s such a priceless lesson. I just...wish there was someone else who thinks the same way and is actually proud of how far I have come mentally and emotionally - because academically...I haven’t really come that far. Before reach out...I have had to remind myself on my own so many times...which was just so difficult because I turn anxious in a minute or so flat. I am just super grateful to have your support ❤️

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

The mind is so powerful @StarGirl101 and i totally understand where you are coming from! It is difficult to not compare yourself to others, especially when it comes to academics, but just like you said, you should still be proud of yourself! And your teacher seems lovely, it is always so nice having one that is supportive. But i'm sorry to hear that she didn't respond to you Smiley Sad 

 

Ah nice!! Let me know how these apps go! I've been thinking about downloading a couple myself, especially when the exam period comes around!

 

That's unfortunate that you can't separate a little Smiley Sad But that is okay! Do you have any things that you think would be able to help you cope when you are getting stressed out before tests?

 

I'm really proud of how far you have come in all aspects! I understand how hard it is when you feel like no one is noticing the change in you and i just wanna say that we at ReachOut are always here to support and encourage you along your journey!

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Thats great to hear you get along with your student advisor @StarGirl101 and cool she is vibing with the positive thinking! Annoying that your tutor didn't respond though, good on you sending that email and being proud - you absolutely should be Smiley Very Happy

And thanks for letting us know about that app! I will absolutely check it out! I think it can be so valuable to share that kind of resource with each other - from what you've said it sounds like a really good one too.

Its so powerful to read what you've been learning about yourself @StarGirl101, thanks for sharing with us Heart And as @sunnygirl606 said, we're here for the journey!

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @sunnygirl606 @and @Hannah-RO 

I have been feeling...overwhelmed lately. Couldn’t log onto Reach out for a while. School is supposed to start again tomorrow...and I am just not ready. I am not ready to face the teachers..not ready to see my friends...I am not ready at all to face what’s coming. My chest pains every so often...and it’s just so painful. It’s like it’s breaking apart and I can’t do anything about it. I don’t know how to start again. I don’t know if there is any hope in starting again. I don’t want to put myself through all of that again...I am just so exhausted. I don’t know...what to do. I feel like today is my only day to get things together before school starts...but I just can’t. I feel like I am stuck and don’t want to move forward. 

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hi @StarGirl101, I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I can tell that you are feeling quite nervous about starting school again tomorrow Smiley Sad Reading through your posts, I can tell that school has been really challenging and painful for you, so I can totally get why you aren’t looking forward to it. It seems as though you don’t feel ready to go through everything all over again, is that right? It would be really hard to sit in that space, especially when you are also feeling stuck and unsure.

If you were to feel ready and prepared, what would that look like for you instead? I know that you have said that reading over your journals has been helpful in the past.. is that something that would be helpful now? 

Highlighted

Re: I feel like I am unwanted.

Hey @Taylor-RO 

Yes..just can’t. I don’t know..somewhere inside, I made the decision to not talk to anyone anymore. My parents haven’t been really that nice lately. I feel so scared to even ask to buy notebooks for the new term...because they often tend to mock me for it and claim that it’s a waste of time. The one friend I always trust enough to confide in directly told me that it’s pretty much pathetic to talk about what’s going on with me everytime we talk. I understand him...I do. It’s hard when that’s all you can think about...and when he is the only person you trust enough to talk to. Just it..I don’t know. I don’t feel like trying with other people anymore...I have only ever gotten hurt. I don’t think I have met anyone who genuinely cares without it being a part of their profession. I don’t know what to look forward to tomorrow. My grades are pretty much down the drain...and in two months time I am supposed to get my ATAR. My friends barely care enough for me and just think my emotional swings are over dramatic more than anything. They won’t even listen to me @Taylor-RO...they talk about drama..and boys and school...and when I say a single word, they just ignore me or even sometimes laugh. My parents are the same...when I was younger I just learnt that I shouldn’t speak out of turn..because it used to sometimes irritate my dad and I would get in trouble for having fun without studying. Now when I speak...they just say it’s all an excuse...they cut me off and tell me that I don’t know anything and whatever I am saying is utterly bs. I barely talk to them now anymore...and even for that I get mocked. On top of all this...I am just..so scared to appeal with my teacher tomorrow...I am usually super soft spoken, so demanding something doesn’t sit well with me. I have been so upset for the past two days...just couldn’t get through at all. I feel incredibly vulnerable and the worst part is...I don’t know what to do to help myself. Being ready and prepared..to me means that I would be looking forward to things - meeting my new teachers, reuniting with friends, looking forward to working hard. I would even plan out what to wear tomorrow...small things like that. At least I would pack my bag and have new stationary...which always seems to excite me...but I haven’t had the heart to ask my parents for it. Maybe some part of me believes them...in all that they say. I don’t know. Reading through my journal does help a lot...but I just..don’t want to feel like I have let myself down. It’s filled with so much hope...and I don’t know how I would personally take that. And some part of me wishes I can go back in time...start over again..have a little re do. But yeah...that’s impossible mm