cancel
Showing results for 
Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Highlighted

big ugly loneliness

hello strangers, 

 

I needed an outlet for my pain because what i feel is somehow too shameful to share with those closest to me. Writing this now even feels like a stretch into desperation because i'm not the type to divulge my innermost feelings on some virtual platform. 

i know many others feel as i do. 

I've been struggling with loneliness for what feels like a long time. It comes in waves. There are periods of time where it ceases to exist but it seems to always return. 

I believe that perhaps i have something to learn from this suffering and that one day it will be unburdened from my heart. But for now it is eating me away inside and I cannot bear to feel it any longer. 

Loneliness is something that feeds on shame and fear. I feel scared to tell people how I feel because they might not understand/relate or that it'd change the way they see me. 

There is this slight sense of repulsion that comes with loneliness, even the word carries embarrassment one wants to hide. So i don't tell anyone and keep it stuffed inside where it festers. 

Obviously the advent of covid has inflamed these feelings and with social media our current state fo disconnect. 

To love and have true intimacy requires vulnerability which terrifies me. But perhaps this is what I must overcome. Life's richness comes from the connections and experiences we have with people (and of course with ourselves and nature). And that is what I desire, open-heartedness, kindness, lovingness, compassion, generosity and intimacy. 

 

I'm writing this so other might feel comfortable enough to share your own experiences of loneliness because it is something that needs to be talk about. 

If anyone has any advice or wisdom to share also that'd be kindly appreciated. 

 

with love. 

 

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hey @angel_blue 

I think the way you've captured what loneliness is like and how it's perceived is so powerful. I feel like the embarrassment is something we don't talk about a lot, and that you're right that loneliness can feel such a shameful, embarrassing emotion to feel - but I also think it's something everyone has felt at some point and we should talk about it more.

covid has definitely had an impact and exacerbated loneliness in a lot of ways, and in some ways it's meant new paths of connecting with others which has been amazing, but things are still so tough and I don't think it makes sense to pretend otherwise. Do you feel like your loneliness is from not having people to connect with in your life, or not having the means to connect with the people in your life?

Thank you for writing this heartfelt post, it definitely struck a chord with me and I'm sure it will with others too Heart

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

@angel_blue thank you for sharing your story, we appreciate your vulnerability that makes our community stronger and is a testament to how safe and compassionate this space can be. It helps people know that they aren't alone on this journey. If you are lonely, and over 18, you can call FriendLine Australia wide, where you can have a friendly chat/conversation with someone. It is not a crisis call line, but is great if you are feeling lonely and want to reach out and be a bit social. 

 

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

@angel_blue Hey there, you are not alone. I've only ever disclosed my experiences of loneliness this with my past psychologists.

 

It has become more apparent as I get older that intimacy and relationships with others is important for my wellbeing (something I have neglected for a very long time by drowning myself by doing others things). 

 

Now as an adult, I struggle with intimacy and being able to maintain long-lasting meaningful relationships. 

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hi @angel_blue, I just wanted to say thank you for sharing your pain with us. The loneliness you feel is totally valid, especially during this time (or any time really). And I feel you when you said you are terrified of vulnerability in true intimate relationships. It's something I struggle with as well, but I have found that you don't have to be bare and vulnerable all at once. Is it an option to start with something really small? I started by talking to my friends about the "less perfect" things in my life, even if they're just as small as "I spilled juice on my desk so now I have a mess to clean up". You'll be amazed how sharing little things may lead to you being more comfortable with opening up!

 

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hi @angel_blue! Welcome to the forums!
Thank you so much for sharing your struggles with loneliness with us. I think a lot of our members would relate to what you're going through, and it would help them realise that they aren't alone. Heart
I agree that the social distancing required due to COVID has led to a lot of people experiencing loneliness. I've tried to get penpals, keep up with my volunteering, focus on my hobbies and use apps. There is one app in particular that I've used called COVID Coach that has strategies for dealing with feelings of loneliness. We also have an article about things to do if you're feeling lonely. I know a lot of places and groups are having virtual meetups too.
What helps you feel better when you're feeling lonely?

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hey @angel_blue thanks for sharing this with us. I really related to this post since I also battle feelings of loneliness, which I want to fight off but struggle to do so since I have social anxiety.  COVID has definitely exacerbated this feeling, which I think is a common experience for everyone due to quarantine. I really admire your desire to initiate more discussions about loneliness, I think its an important topic to talk about and will help us to connect with one another more. 

 

If you feel like you need to reach out to a professional, please do not feel ashamed in doing so. Another tip to deal with loneliness could be to write your feelings down, I find it really helps to change how I think about certain issues!

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hey thanks for sharing and as you can see you've touched a lot of us already. I think loneliness is such a common feeling that most if not all of us go through. it also doesn't help that social media doesn't portray this accurately, i doubt the perfect happy images are what people feel most of the time.

 

I have to admit, I had my most severe bout of loneliness about a year and a half ago when my big brother had to leave for the navy, i had a string of failed romances where I was being mistreated and i felt like i didn't have a core social group to rely on (that was also when my mental health began to worsen). I was so desperate to not feel that way again that I had to confront myself - either get better or continue dwelling in my negative emotions.

 

The biggest step I ever did and I am so thankful for was to reach out. I talked to a friend that I trusted and she referred me to a couple of organisations that have hooked me up with some psychologists. Best decision ever. Really positive experiences and they have helped me to see things in my past that I have never thought about. 

 

i believe our loneliness stems from something that we are yet to be aware of and recover - it might be a past relationship, trauma or something else altogether. But in this world we do need the help of others in order to help ourselves! I admire your courage to open up and thank you for making this thread as I'm sure others will find it helpful <3

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

hey thanks so much for sharing, it's really comforting to know that what I'm experiencing is something collectively felt. I'm definitely going to see a psychologist soon because I really need an outside perspective on what I'm dealing with. In the past mostly I've had to resolve trauma and pain on my own.
I know that the loneliness I experience stems partly from my families inability to communicate emotions in healthy ways and talk about mental health etc. When I was really young I was so closed up about how I was feeling inside, I felt like I had no one to confide in.
I think it could also come from having trust issues from past relationships and then not being able to fully open up and be vulnerable with people anymore.
I'm at a point in my life where I just can't stand to feel this pain anymore because it's been stuck inside me for so long. I'm ready to confront this once and for all, to really understand it because I just want to connect with people for them to see me for who I am.
Growth sometimes requires you to unlearn some patterns of behaviour or thought that have become habitual, like for me to reach out to people rather than retreat into myself. I'm tryna move outside my comfort zone and do more things that require courage in the face of discomfort.

Highlighted

Re: big ugly loneliness

Hello @angel_blue, I am glad to hear that you feel comforted knowing that others have shared similar experiences with you. It is so awesome to hear that you will be going to see a psychologist soon and that they will be supporting you throughout this. Being able to reach out for that extra support so that you can have someone by your side as you talk through your feelings and experiences will be really helpful.

It sounds like you have a lot of insight into your thoughts and feelings and some of the reasons why you have felt certain ways in the past. You also have a really positive perspective on growth and how it can be helpful and sometimes necessary. Feel free to keep us updated here on the forums about how everything goes Heart