I had a fight with a friend of years and now they’re going to the same party with me
So I lost contact with a friend throughout a gap year and when I asked if she wanted to hang out cause I was moving to university soon (closer to where she was) she made it into a fight saying that I was using her cause I didn’t know anyone else. The fight went on for ages over the phone and she said some really mean things about me and I ended up not replying. I believe the whole thing was just miscommunication as I occasionally would ask her how she was and if she wanted to hang out all year but somehow she blames me for not talking to her enough even though she hardly ever asked to hang out or started conversations with me online. Every time I think about it my stomach starts to feel like jelly and I get this overwhelming feeling of dread as I’ve never had a fight like that before with someone, especially someone who I thought I was best friends with in the past. I also recently found out shes going to the same university party as me and I’m really really worried. I didn’t have anyone to go with especially now that we’ve had that fight and now shes going to be there it makes me not want to go anymore. I was hoping to go and try and make friends there but if shes around hanging out with her friends and we see each other, I have no idea how to react. I’m worried I’ll look like such a loser being alone. Ever since the fight I’ve had such low self esteem and the fact that it effected me that much makes me feel like I’m even more weak and pathetic.
Comments
Hey @anonymousgirl101! I hope you're doing well. I just wanted to check in and see how things are going with your friend. Did you end up going to the university party?
Hey @anonymousgirl101 I want to start off by saying that you are NOT weak. Friendships are so important to us as human beings. They play such an important role in our well being, and it makes sense that this fight would have knocked you around a bit.
I think it's great that you were going to this party with the intention of making friends - that's still a great goal, whether or not that friend is there. Maybe you could plan out what to do if you see them, or tell yourself you only have to stay for an hour, and then leave - what do you reckon? 🙂
Hi @anonymousgirl101! I'm sorry that you've had an argument with your friend, that can be a really difficult experience, especially when you have history with the person or care about them. You are certainly not weak for experiencing such a strong emotional response. If anything, it shows how caring you are! Keeping in contact with people after high school can be really tricky, and by the sounds of things, you did your best to reach out to her and keep in contact where possible, so I'm sorry she reacted this way. Moving forward, would you be interested in attempting to repair the friendship, or would you prefer to keep some distance?
As for university, you definitely won't look like a loser if you're alone! When I started university a few years ago, I didn't know a soul because I had moved towns, but everyone else was in exactly the same boat and was very friendly. What would make you feel more comfortable about heading to your uni party?
I mean you can try to explain the situation but if it doesn't work it won't be the end of the world. Even if you go to the same University that doesn't mean you will pick the same classes or have the same time frames. I had High School friends that went to the same Uni and we didn't get any classes together and we barely even seen each other. Don't blow things out of proportion and over-think it. F. E. A. R. Equals False, Evidence, Appearing, Real. There's tons of people at University to make friends with so just meet new people. You're not going to University for your friend you're going to University for you, so just focus on yourself. Instead of other peoples insignificant opinions. If she's that fragile that she just realise people get busy in real life, then she might have some real attachment issue problems.
