I hate myself, not only my body but my mind. I hate how I’m selfish, I hate how I’m lazy and can never focus, I hate how I have no passions, nothing brings me joy or excitement anymore besides attention and I hate it. I don’t look forward to anything but lazing around. My life has no purpose but to live and its horrible. I don’t enjoy anything about what I’m studying and where I work. I don’t enjoy anything about where I’m going in life, I don’t enjoy anything about where my future looks like its going right now. Nothing interests me, I just want to watch tv and laze around. The idea of having a family one day and a husband probably will never happen because I’m such a horrible person with nothing going for me. I don’t even know where I belong anymore, where I want to live, its like everywhere I go something is missing. I hate how dumb I am, how inexperienced I am, how I shouldn’t even have anything to worry about because I’m so lucky for what has been handed to me. ... View more

Its like everything was building up. I’ve recently moved to the city to study and I went out to buy stuff for soup so I could make it for my housemates cause they all have a cold. But I couldn’t find the right meat anywhere I went with hardly any deli’s or butchers and yet there was sushi places everywhere I went. Then, while I was waiting at a bus stop I started tearing up and crying out of no where, a random woman gave my shoulder a rub and said are you ok? Which was nice of her but embarrassing. I don’t know why I felt so incredibly sad at that second. Its like i’m going through a very intense mood swing but i’m not on my period. At that moment I decided to give up on finding the right ingredient and I walked home trying not to cry with my hoodie up, with the groceries I had so far. Now i’m sitting on the floor of my room bawling my eyes out trying not to be too loud so my housemates can’t hear. This is the first time I haven’t been home in a while and I’m not sure if thats what is getting to me or not. I’m from a country town so being in the city is a big change to me and while I thought I was adapting really easy maybe I’m not adapting as easy as I thought. On the way home I just couldn’t stop thinking about how much I miss home and how I wish my housemates were more appreciative of me doing things for them. Walking home crying made me feel even more crap since I felt like I looked so bad. I’m worried about money, I’m worried about my course and if its right for me, I’m worried if I’ll end up where I want to be, just everything feels like it has been building up at not being able to find the right ingredient somehow was the last thing I needed to have a total break down. ... View more

So I lost contact with a friend throughout a gap year and when I asked if she wanted to hang out cause I was moving to university soon (closer to where she was) she made it into a fight saying that I was using her cause I didn’t know anyone else. The fight went on for ages over the phone and she said some really mean things about me and I ended up not replying. I believe the whole thing was just miscommunication as I occasionally would ask her how she was and if she wanted to hang out all year but somehow she blames me for not talking to her enough even though she hardly ever asked to hang out or started conversations with me online. Every time I think about it my stomach starts to feel like jelly and I get this overwhelming feeling of dread as I’ve never had a fight like that before with someone, especially someone who I thought I was best friends with in the past. I also recently found out shes going to the same university party as me and I’m really really worried. I didn’t have anyone to go with especially now that we’ve had that fight and now shes going to be there it makes me not want to go anymore. I was hoping to go and try and make friends there but if shes around hanging out with her friends and we see each other, I have no idea how to react. I’m worried I’ll look like such a loser being alone. Ever since the fight I’ve had such low self esteem and the fact that it effected me that much makes me feel like I’m even more weak and pathetic. ... View more

Nothing really makes me excited or is fun to me apart from talking to people (mostly getting attention from guys) and/or watching a show or youtube. Apart from that, nothing is exciting or interesting to me. I feel like theirs something wrong with me. Also, I don't know why but I push people away, and thats problematic when most of my enjoyment comes from talking to people, wether its online or face to face (mostly online). I'm somewhat in a ditch right now because my friend started talking to a guy that I was talking to first and they are becoming really close and starting to have a thing. I think I might be jealous but I don't know why, or I don't want to admit that I am because its ridiculous as I never had feelings for him or even thought of him in that way, I just enjoyed talking to him randomly. I think I may be annoyed at them because of my constant need for attention from people and the fact that both my close friend and the guy I enjoyed chatting to are now talking less to me and more to each other, I feel very alone. I probably wouldn't feel this alone either if I had other friends that I clicked with that I could talk to but about a month and a bit ago I turned down my guy friend who I was very close to and he hasn't messaged me much ever since, or when he does it is a very flat conversation and I get the idea he doesn't want to be friends anymore. Which I do respect him for as it might make him feel better but also hurts me a lot because its hard to say goodbye to such a great friend of 4 years. Their are also friends who have gone off studying more and I understand when they say they are too busy to see me for a while but its been like that all year and I'm beginning to think that I'm just not good enough to be making time for. They don't even have to make time for me, I would be fine with the occasional message or online convo every month asking how I've been to show that at least they care a little? I feel like I could disappear from the face of the earth and no one would notice. Until maybe a week or 2 as they'll see I haven't been online since then.  Anyway I feel like this might be similar to another post I've done, I apologise for all my posts on this site as they're much more like complaining rather than seeking help. Like I've said before, it just feels better to type up and I don't mind if people ignore the posts or not.  ... View more

I’m really interested in lots of different types of music, so please anyone comment their own favourite bands/songs and types of music below here! Wether its alternative, kpop, rock, pop, metal, electronic or jazz, anything. :) (or if you can’t possibly name your #1 favourite band or song, just name a song or band you have enjoyed lately.)   Lately I have been enjoying the relaxing music of the band Peach Pit and MGMT. as well as the band half.alive . ... View more

So recently I went to a party with my friend who attracted two guys who were all over her at the party, shes also flirting with a different guy at the moment who shes close friends with and has started talking to a guy I was messaging and they really get along, she also keeps sending me screenshots and showing how crazy it is how quickly they started getting along and for some reason its been really annoying me, and I get thats its definitely probably jealousy. For ages I’ve been wanting to find a guy that I really click with and we can be in a relationship with and while I didn’t see the guy I was talking to ever being my boyfriend, it still kinda annoys me that she manages to click with him so quick when we were talking first. It just feels like no one whos my type or who thinks I’m attractive, ever wants to either act on it or even exists. I guess ushually I wouldn’t care but lately I just feel like no one cares about me, even my friends who have since the end of highschool gone off their separate lives and while saying they would love to catch up, either cancel plans or are “just too busy but after the next couple weeks my schedule will be free so we can hang anytime then!” When that never happens because their lives are always “busy” like that, even after the couple of weeks. Which I understand, I just wish they would ask to hang out with me for once rather than only me put the effort in. And if I really meant anything to them you would think they would make time, but I guess that just shows I’m not worth the time. I know a lot of this post is arrogance but I just wanted to get it off my chest because I don’t have many friends to talk to at the moment and even if I did it sounds way to arrogant to say to anyone. ... View more

So I’m currently having a gap year, but next year I plan on studying away in a student dorm with 6 other people. With the year coming closer to an end, I get more and more anxious about living on my own for the first time, living in the city being a country person and living with 6 other people I have never met. At first I was optimistic that I would be able to adapt, but now I worry that the people I live with will be mean or not friendly with me, or that being in such a loud city instead living in my house which is more in the country, will end up making me feel really depressed and isolated. I’m worried that one day I will be walking later in the afternoon and I will get mugged, or that the people in the city will be cruel or rude. I’m also worried I won’t be able to make any friends. Does anyone have any tips of how I can make sure my transition goes well?  ... View more

I only have 2 close friends and one of them has ditched me for her boyfriend hardly ever messaging me while the other I turned down to be in a relationship with them so they don’t talk to me as much. I don’t click with anyone else I know and I feel like such a loser that doesn’t deserve anyone or anything. I’ve always felt like that, I can’t see myself as a person with a life of their own, the idea of ever being in a relationship or having my own house and living my own life feels so wrong to me and I don’t know why, I constantly feel like the supporting character or someone in the background in a tv series. I find it so hard to be myself which is why it makes it so hard for me to click with people because of my past habit of hiding myself from the world and appealing to whoever I’m talking to so that no one rejects me. I feel like such a loser because I never go out drinking, I don’t hang around with my friends, I never do anything like that that’s apparently fun for a 19 year old, and maybe I would feel better if I had other stuff going on like hobbies or interests that made me be atleast somewhat interesting and likeable but I never do anything but work at my boring casual job and then watch movies and videos online. Nothing interests me. I have my P plate driving license but driving still scares me and I can’t imagine myself ever getting confident enough to drive everywhere without freaking out let alone book appointments, move out and generally be an adult. I hate myself and I am so ashamed that I’m this pathetic. ... View more

I’m a bit of a shy person but even when I do have the courage and opportunity to talk to people more for instance at a party, I never know what to talk about with people cause nothing interesting ever happens to me. Or the things I would normally talk about with my sister who I’m really close with I feel are weird or stuff that normal people wouldn’t find interesting; like youtube and video games.  I’m beginning to think I’m just a boring person and that no one wants to be around. I haven’t been out with friends or to a party in so long because I have no desire to when every time I go out with them I don’t know what to talk about. I’m sure that if I did more or had more stuff going on in my life I would have more to talk about but I don’t know where to start. Either that or I just don’t click with the people i’m wanting to hang around with?  ... View more

So for as long as I can remember I have avoided going outside or to public places alone in what I think is fear that I would run into people I know. I think part of the fear is that I worry that I look like a loser being by myself or that others will judge me for doing what i’m doing outside wether its going grocery shopping or going for a jog. I worry about my appearance too worrying that along with looking like a loser I also look ugly and others are judging me for that. I know this is all completely irrational as most people wouldn’t give you a second look or care for what you’re doing in public but I constantly worry about it in public and if I am made to go outside in public, as in my parents ask me to go down and buy some more milk, I feel anxious because I know lots of people who went to my highschool work at the grocery store. I ushually try and suck it up but while i’m in the environment I get aggravated and want to go home as soon as I can. I don’t feel this feeling as much if I’m out in public with a friend but do if i’m out with my mum or dad as I feel it makes me look like I have no friends and that i’m weird being 19 still going out with my parents; which again i know is dumb because I love my parents and rationally I know no one cares if I’m out with them. I’m just wondering if anyone else has similar feelings or if these might be signs of social anxiety ... View more

So for the last couple weeks ever since I got back from this holiday I went on, I’ve been spending most my time at home playing video games, only going out to go to work some weekdays. I will procrastinate sleeping till 4am every night and then ending up feeling very depressed and then finally getting to sleep only to sleep in till 2pm and then doing hardly anything for the rest of the day. The thing is I’m not sure if its me, or my friends being the reason why I don’t enjoy hanging out with any of them much. I went out for lunch with a friend today but the whole time I was wishing I was home instead of there. I haven’t been interested in talking with any of my friends or catching up with them and I’m beginning to think I’ve always been like that but I’ve only just slowly started not making myself make plans with them. I also don’t have much motivation at all to do anything particularly creative or any sort of hobby other than gaming lately but thats nothing new. I don’t think i’m really depressed or anything, because in the mornings I don’t really feel sad or anything, I just feel neutral, its only at 4am when I start to feel really sad then I make myself go to sleep. I think this lifestyle I have at the moment is just leaving me feeling unforfilled as I wake up super late, go to work, come home later and then watch youtube or play games till 4, then repeat. At work i’m not that close to the people there I usually just keep my head down and keep working, and while I used to try talk more and build friendships with my work mates there, these past couple weeks as I’ve said I have no motivation to. I guess i’m just in a big slump at the moment and it feels like I don’t know what to do for fun or to get excited about something.   does anyone else feel like this ... View more

The last couple weeks i’ve felt kinda sad. I don’t want to hang out with friends, I don’t really feel like doing anything. I mean I still do some things but I have no drive, no motivation. I’m not nessarily sad 24/7 or anything, I get happy at bits where my family might tell me something funny or I might feel happy for a short amount of time but then I still have no motivation or drive. I have no goals, no future plans, I just feel kind of lost I guess. And the thing is I try and tell myself to figure out and try thinking about goals and your future and what you can do, but having no motivation, its almost like I want to stay feeling grim like this. I don’t feel numb or anything like a lot of depression suffering people say, but I just have nothing to look forward too, and no drive. I think Im sad because everything feels dull and boring like I feel like my lives just ended and I don’t know whats going to happen next if I’m going to enjoy what I’m doing or not. The days also feel pretty the same as I’m currently going through a gap year, working partly and doing nothing else really, not going out like normal people my age, not hanging out with friends, studying, nothing. I find myself attracted to sad or mello songs above any others too. A part of me wants to get out of this slump and start feeling like I used to, full of life, aspirations and dreams, but i’m not sure I ever will again and that feeling along with not knowing how to change my feelings and view around makes me not even want to try. Its like the rational part of my brain is telling me to stop feeling so sad and listening to sad songs cause its starting to hurt, so I watch comedy’s, but while it cheers me up in that moment, I still go back to how I’ve been, unmotivated, bored feeling theirs nothing clear ahead, and depressed. Please how do I change this ... View more