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I have no idea what I'm doing.

I recently broke up with my boyfriend of two and a half years. We had always had a long distance relationship - in the beginning it was just an hour and a half away, but then when we finished uni, he took a job in WA and moved there at the beginning of last year. We had planned to give long distance a go for a year then if we wanted it, I'd move to WA for him.

 

I've always been a very independant person so originally the distance wasn't too much of an issue, but the more I fell in love I found myself changing, for what I thought was for the better. I began putting our needs first above my own, which is what I thought healthy relationships do. Unfortunately he didn't do this in return. At the end of last year I quit my job, started getting moving quotes and researching jobs in Perth so I could go there and we could be together. I felt I owed it to him to try everything to stay together. At Christmas my sister and a very close friend took me aside one day and said 'WHAT ARE YOU DOING?' and laid it all out that what we had wasn't normal and that being sad because you're with someone isn't okay. I broke up with him and he didn't even fight it.

4 months have passed and I still haven't got a job, I have no drive to do anything but I keep telling my friends and family that I have all these plans because I just don't know what else to tell them. I've talked about it all with certain friends but all they say is to leave, go somewhere else and start fresh. I don't want to run away. I have a big family of 5 kids and we're close, yet all of them have moved or are about to move away and I'm still here, jobless, without motivation and alone. I don't expect them to stay with their sister forever of course but I guess I feel they're growing away from me and I'm just staying the same. I am so sad all the time and then I get so angry so quickly with people that don't deserve it. I just feel so alone and lost.. I don't know what to do.

 

Does anyone feel or have they felt the same way? I really need some advice.

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

Hi  @snorlax,

Welcome to ReachOut. Smiley Happy

Good on you for coming here and sharing what you're going through. That takes guts.

Your post really resonated with me. A couple of years ago I moved for the guy I was in a relationship with, because he got a job interstate. After the move, we only lasted 5 months before the relationship was over. I was devastated. I gave up so much to try to be with him (including rehoming my two cats) and I felt like a fool when it all ended so badly.

It was really hard to rebuild. I moved home, and I felt so empty. I'd lost my relationship, and then I had to find a new place to live, and a new job. It was really tough. But I did it. I had support from a counsellor and from my friends. And a few years down the track, I'm happier than I've ever been. So although you're doing it tough right now, I know you can get through it. Smiley Happy

It can be really hard to keep your spirits up after a breakup, and when you're out of work. But it's really positive that you've been thinking about what's not working for you at the moment, and you've reached out for help and advice. That's an excellent step in the right direction.

Here's a big list of tips for building coping strategies which you might find useful:

Building Better Coping Skills

Would you be willing to chat to a counsellor? That can be good if you're feeling like you want someone non-judgemental to talk to, or if you're feeling overwhelmed and don't really know where to start with sorting things out. You could talk to your doctor about what kinds of counselling might be available for you locally. And there are anonymous helplines you can ring like Kids Help Line (which helps young people up to age 25). Their number is: 1800 55 1800. Here's info on finding help:

Where to get Professional Help

 

Good luck and do come back and tell us how you're getting on.

 

blithe

 

 

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

Hey @snorlax

You have been through a lot and the one thing that you should be proud of is that you put 100% in that relationship and he will miss that. The fact that he didnt fight for you might be a good thing because you never know what is on the other side of that door and by letting you go there might actually be something bigger and better for you. 

Your family really love you for them to sit you down and talk to you is an act of love and I think you should be honest with them because when you are honest about what you are going through you are not going through it alone and are sharing it with the people around you and they might have ways on how they can help you through this.

I'm in a long distance relationship myself and reading this has really helped me so Thank you for sharing your story with us. You will get through this, the link that blithe has given you is so helpful in getting your life back together and building your confidence. Here are a few more that might help dealing with a break up and building self-confidence.

You are so strong and you will get through this.

Take care of yourself

_________________________________________________
**Believe in the power of you because you are your own hero**
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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

Thank you @blithe and @ruenhonx 

 

I really appreciate your replies and advice. I just feel so alone sometimes so it's really nice to know someone is listening and have felt similar things at one point in their life. I'm going to try and make time to talk to my older sister sometime this weekend and the next time it's gets too much I'll give the KHL a buzz.

 

You guys are the best, really. I can't put into words how much I appreciate someone writing back.

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

That sounds great @snorlax 

Let us know how you go. Smiley Happy

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

@snorlax   how are you going?

Im sorry it didnt work out but if he didnt appreciate your efforts then maybe its for the best - you deserve someone who wants to put in an effort for you! 

It sucks that it turned out this way but it also means that you get to start a lot of things fresh and do them the way you want to do them!

 

Sometimes its hard to be motivated to get out of a hole when you feel your in one, it sounds like you have great support in your family and your close friend though, if they know what happened im sure they would be there to even just talk about it and lend some advice

 

It sounds like you put a lot into the relationship and preparing to move, maybe its time that you put the same amount into loving you and doing things for you? Setting goals, even small ones can help get things done and get your life up and running again if you feel like your going nowhere

You could ask your siblings about what motivates them if they are all out and about moving around? Theres some good fact sheets on motivation too; tips for getting motivated and 7 ways to find motivation

Start with something fun that you want to do! You need a bit of fun you time Smiley Happy

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

Hey @snorlax thank for reaching out for help and advice on RO, i hope at this stage you feel abit better and are taking on some of the advice given to. Break ups of any sort can be very hard on both of you regardless of how easy we think the other person takes it and accepts the break up. Don't give up hope on finding a job keep putting yourself out there and you'll get your break when the times right. 

I really like how you have a plan for yourself, i find it's very important to have a plan it directs you in the right way and keeps you motivated even if you don't see results straight away with the right mentality and dedication you can reach any goal set. Maybe to find closure with your ex develop a friendship with him, alot of ex's stay good friends as they still have eachother in their life and remember the good times. 

Having your family and friends around is very healthy and beneficial for you. I'm glad you have them to support you, you should feel very fortunate and utilize them whenever you feel you need to.  Hope the future is bright for you and you find a job very soon Smiley Happy  

 

Stay strong all the best

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

good, like my idea.
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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

When we broke up we promised that we would stay friends but about a month and a half after we broke up, he rang me and started yelling at me through the phone calling me all sorts of horrible things. I was calm about it because I figured that it was a delayed reaction to the breakup maybe, or maybe he just needed to take out his anger on someone. But I've heard nothing since. Everyone predicted that it wouldn't last as well because "long distances relationshps don't work!" - I wanted it to work so badly and I failed. I even failed to keep him as one of my best friends.

 

I guess the big thing is that I feel like a failure in almost every aspect of my life at the moment. I couldn't make it work with my boyfriend, I didn't follow through with my moving plans, I'm jobless, I'm over emotional towards others... erghhhh.

 

On a positive note, I'm going to do the Mothers Day Classic with my sister on the weekend. I think it's a great idea for anyone feeling a little out of control at the moment like I am. I might not have my life on track, but I can certainly walk to help fund cancer research!

 

Thanks again for your responses everyone - getting the little notification really makes my day.

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Re: I have no idea what I'm doing.

Great idea about doing the Mothers Day Classic. And good on you for doing something for a good cause. Keep up these kinds of activities and you'll start to feel better soon, I reckon. Smiley Happy

blithe