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I'm tired

So the last 3-4 months have been crazy for me. I (personally) have been doing really well in my not self harming and attempting as much as I can to look after myself but everyone around me not so much. It started with my bro (who has bipolar) and had a manic episode where he spent 5 grand of things he couldn't afford. He also went crazy doing stuff he wouldnt normally do and taking risks. Then I had to study for trials hsc but my best friend who my mum has always considered as her daughter had started telling me stuff that was worrying me about her safety. Turns out she was super depressed and I ended up calling 000 on her two days before my trial hsc woooo! Then her parents who dont believe in mental illness decided to blame me about it saying that it was all my fault and that there is nothing wrong with her. Then I did my trials and then a week later said best friend came over one day (while I was at school) and my mum and brother were there and they had to call the cops on her and again the family specifically her parents blamed us. Then about a couple of weeks later my bro (whom I love very much) tried to kill himself in the middle of the night. Anyway I was sent to my uncle house, my mum had t deal with him mean while I went to school almost shitting myself not knowing if he was alive or not. And then three days later after he was dicharged from a medical ward he refused help for his bipolar so he came home and we were walking on eggshells around him. Mum was arguing with him constantly about meds. And then he wanted to go overseas to see my cousin (whom we have met once) get married. Which was unlike him and we didnt want him to go because he literally just tried to kill himself. He went overseas came back on Tuesday and now my mum whom also has bipolar is having a manic episode and is constantly lecturing me about how we cant trust anyone. Anyway this has literally turned into an essay and I dont know the point of it. But its tiring and Im tired of the world going to shit and in the nicest possible way Im tired of my family and Im tired of constantly walking through eggshells at home and I'm tired of being tired. And im tired of not being able to look after myself. And Im tired of constantly feeling alone and tired of being scared. And im tied of being the sane one. And i just want to be home but I am home and it sucks and Im scared of the fact that all of this is happening. And ontop of that I love my mum and my bro but its hard and im tired. And that my friends is my story.

Re: I'm tired

Hey @hopethepiano, it's been a really hard few months for you but it sounds like you've been super resilient through it all.

Is there anything you feel you can do right now that will help you feel safer at home? What do you normally do when you feel this way?


Re: I'm tired

Hey @hopethepiano, I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through lately. I can't imagine how exhausted you must be, coping with all of the stressful things that your family and friends have been going through, and not feeling safe or comfortable at home would definitely affect you as well.

 

I think @TOM-RO's suggestion of looking at how you've handled past incidents is a really good idea! Also, do you think there would be other places that you could go, just to get away from it all for a little while? If you have a school counsellor, you could ask them if you can use their office to just chill out for a little while.

 

Also, if your HSCs are coming up, perhaps consider getting some type of special consideration, so that you don't have to do your exams while all of this is going on, or just so that you have some space in which to cope with all of the stressful things happening in your life right now. I'm not too sure of how you would apply for it, but your teachers, school counsellors or maybe even your careers adviser might know.

 

Let us know how it all goes Smiley Happy

Re: I'm tired

Hello hopethepiano, 

 

You have been so ressiliant and brave being in the middle of the all chaos. I imagine you might be feeling a bit helpless at this stage where your taking the role of a wittness without the ability to act or help. Addditionally when you do help, you are victimised for it. Thats a fustrating thing.... even more fustrating when its family. First of all, know you are being listened to and you are never alone. Second point, its important to understand that you need to look after yourself before looking after others. There are a lot of resources online that you can use as practical tools to help with stress and relax a bit more. Progressive Muscular Relaxation (PMR) is a technieque used to improve getting to sleep at night: https://www.anxietybc.com/sites/default/files/MuscleRelaxation.pdf

Mindfullness is a great mediation technique to get back to the here and now.... and has been found to improve ressiliance to stress if used regualarly.... smiling mind is an app made by headspace designed to teach you mindfullness on your iphone/smartphone, you can download it here: https://itunes.apple.com/au/app/smiling-mind/id560442518?mt=8 

Exersise and sleep is also and essential for your mental health...check out this sleep factsheet: https://www.headspace.org.au/young-people/sleep-fact-sheet/ 

Finally, keeping it all in perspective is important in order be not pulled down.... practicing some of the techniques listed might help with that. 

 

I wish you all the best Smiley Happy 

 

- Bodey 

Re: I'm tired

Thanks for all the support guys 

@TOM-RO when i feel this way usually I need to be away from home as much as possible, library etc. which ive been trying to do as much as possible. 

 

@safari93 It is extremel tiring. Its stressful and anxiety provoking. However I get throgh it every time-its just tiring. And sometimes I forget how the last time it happened I got through it-if that makes sense. with regards to HSC Im appling for a special scheme so that if I dont get the marks I want/need they will take into consideration my situation. The thing is I really do want to sit the HSC (probabl the first person in history to say that aye) because a few years ago almost everyone thought I couldnt do it (ie because of my mental health) and I really want to prove them wrong. I dont know why but sometimes I feel really bad for asking for help. I feel like I should just be able to do everything depite whats going on but realistically I know that is pushing it. 

 

@Bodey294 Thankyou for those suggestions Im going to have a look at them. 

Re: I'm tired

@hopethepiano Sounds like you're trying to make the best of a tough situation and kudos to you for how strong you've been. 

 

I too sometimes feel bad asking for help and like I should be able to have it all together. But the truth is, we're human, stuff happens and it's ok not to have it all together all the time and it's ok to ask for help. Good on you for being so motivated to do the HSC! It's definitely ok to ask for special consideration. You've had a lot going on and it can be comforting having that back-up. 

 

 

Re: I'm tired

Hi @hopethepiano

Sounds like you've been going through a very tough time. 
I wanted to check in on you and see how everything was going?

Re: I'm tired

Hi @missep 

Thanks very much for checking in, it means a lot. 

One of my family members made a huge hole in the wall. They were angry it was scary. It was a few weeks ago now. but since then everything has been pretty up and down again, but in manageable way. I had my hsc exams that went not too bad. Now ive got one more to go. 

Im feeling a bit better about all of the things, a little less tired. Been practicing my strategies- been keeping safe. In fact recently i made my two years self harm free mark! been trying the things @Bodey294 suggested. and they have helped espescially that PMR thing-so odd but so helpful. 

 

 

Re: I'm tired

That's excellent @hopethepiano about reaching your two-year self-harm free mark! Whilst things have been a little up and down for the moment, good on you for still trying out some of the suggestions. 

It's such an achievement that you have only one more exam left! Go you and good luck! 

Keep us all posted! Smiley Happy

Re: I'm tired

Hi @hopethepiano

Of course! We at RO are definitely always here for a chat!

It's really great to hear that you're focusing on your exams, good luck for your next one!

Congratulations on being harm-free for 2 years! That's awesome! 

I hope that things are starting to look a bit better but please keep us updated!