I want to give up.
I've reached a point where I've had enough of everything and all I want to do is give up.
School, home, work and realtionships seem to all just be too much and I wish i didn't have to deal with any of it all, i want for eveyrthing to just go away.
There is rarely a moment where I don't think about hurting myself or even ending my life and currenlty struggle to see any other way of dealing with things...
I feel like I have no one around me I can truly trust and rely on or anyone who will actually understand how I'm feeling and not judge me....
Most days all I want is to spend my days hidden in my room under the covers away frome everyone and everything.
I hate the person I am. I'm a failure and burden to everyone around me...
I feel like I've hit a brick wall. I've struggled alot with my mental health the past year but it seems everytime I take even just a few small steps forward, I take 3 times as many back.
I'm not sure how much more I can take.
-I'm not even sure why I'm posting this, but I guess theres a part of me going 'give it a go'... 
Comments
Hey Bubblez,
Thank you so much for posting and I am so sorry to hear you are feeling so down at the moment, as you don't deserve to feel that way. Do you have anyone you can speak to about what you are going through?
I mostly just want to let you know that you are not alone. Even though you said you feel as if you are a burden to everyone, know that all the people who have replied to your post here have done it because they think you are worth fighting for! Myself included!
How did your night go last night?
Keep fighting! You're worth it!
I've tried being positive, honestly I have. But I don't feel I'm getting any better, if anything I'm feeling worse.
There are times when I don't even trust my self... Rarely a day where I don't use cutting as a way to cope or think about killing myself.
I ended up in hospital twice earlier in the year and on the second time round I told myself that I wouldn't go back to cutting or end up back in there -That was in March so I guess I've done OK not ending up back there but I'm still cutting....
At the moment I don't even care.
I don't feel like talking helps and in the past 2-3 years have spoken to a variety of people..
I have little to no support at home but do see a social worker who I find most of the time I can trust and talk to...
Im struggling to find things that help/distract me... I struggle even to think of reasons to continue going....
Everything feels like a pointless waste of time.
I constantly feel like everyone is judging me and all I have are faults.
My night didn't get any better and neither has today.... But that's my life I guess.
Again thanks for the replies.
So, instead of trying to feel feel positive you just need to focus getting through one day at a time. You do not have to try and be positive but you do need to look for the reasons that you have to keep living. Even if they seems small. It could even be to come back and post here once a day or to see your social worker that you actually trust. This problem doesn't have an easy or quick fix but it does have a way of getting better with the right support and with your ability to speak plainly and openly to the right support people. People who have special interest and skills in this area that can help you. Have you specifically tried SUicide Call Back before?
We are not a crisis service - and you are in crisis. Doesn't mean you still can't come here for support and distraction, but I do really encourage you also get the extra help you need cause you really don't deserve to live like this.
We're thinking of you and care!
I'll check out the links you've both shared.
The weekend was difficult, but hey I'm still here.
I'm too scared to reach out for help... Every time I think about it I start to panic.
I'm worried about the reactions of my parents... They've not been supportive or understanding before, instead get angry and annoyed with me, and I'm not sure I can deal with that again right now...
I've thought about ringing my social worker, and was going to today but couldn't bring myself to do it... I'm thinking maybe tomorrow I will, but I'm still not sure. I'm not sure what to say, how to tell her what's going on...
I hate talking about my problems, self harm and suicide even more so...
Well you've reached out to us, so that's a good start. It shows you're capable of reaching out to someone.
I know it's tough to talk to parents about it. Sometimes asking them to have a sit-down chat about something and then telling them what it is can help them understand that you're serious about what you're saying; telling them casually while you're pouring yourself a glass of juice or watching TV might seem like you're not so serious about it.
I don't enjoy talking about my problems either, but I know when I eventually break through that barrier I feel a lot better about it. A problem shared is a problem halved, right?
No worries, we have replied, because like Gabi said we think you're worth fighting for!
Trying to be positive is a great way to start, it doesn't always work and sometimes is just so damn hard, I know. I find the Turning Negatives into Positives thread so helpful there 🙂 And like I keep telling myself and a friend, sometimes we just need to focus our energy on something else, maybe get lost in a tv show or a movie then come back to live and carry on our day 🙂
Have you tried distractions for your self-harm? I ended up down a path where I started to self-harm and with the support here and the help of KHL I am now able to bypass most of the urges. I delay and use as many distractions as I can. I found these two links to be really helpful the KHL gave me. The second is just a bunch of alternatives and the second has a list near the bottom 🙂
1. ttp://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
2. http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/PDF/Self-Harm%20Distractions%20and%20Alternatives%20FINAL.pdf
Is it possible you can talk more to your social worker and get he help you need? I know you said you don't have much support at home, but maybe outside supports can be a huge help too?
I really do hope that you can find something that helps. We're all here ready to help and support as we can 🙂
Reading your post actually made me cry tonight! I'm currently not in the best of places, but this just may be the catalyst to help me to tonight.
One thing that stuck out the most for me in your post that you say you've reached a point where you've had enough of everything, where all you want to do is give up. But you haven't given up, have you? No, No you haven't. 🙂
I am super proud of you for posting this because I know it is not always easy, and posting here is letting that part of you that wants to give it a go shine. It's letting that part try to find the help you need. So congrats 🙂
I am curious as to whether you have spoken to anyone about these issues your having. A parent, friend, family member? Your doctor even?
I also wanted to pass on Kids Help Line's number -> 1800 55 1800 They are an amazing service and have helped me tremendously over the past 2 years, I urge you to give them a call, or even log on and have a web chat.
I just wanted to say you're not along and many around the forums will understand to different degrees what you have written here. I guess we just have to keep reminding ourselves of the good qualities about ourself and keep fighting each day 🙂
I hope that has helped at least in the slightest way 🙂
I hope the rest of tonight is better for you
"Everything is okay in the end. If it's not okay, its not the end"
Hey @Bubblez
I'm so sorry to hear how rough things are for you at the moment. It sounds like things are really crappy. And it sounds like you've struggled with this for a long time now. I completely undersand that you would feel exhausted and over it.
So it's so awesome that you've managed to hold on to that small part of you that wants to keep 'giving it a go'. The fighter in you that refuses to give up. You sound like an incredibly strong and brave person.
Have you found, in the past, that talking to someone helps even just a little bit?
And please, if you feel like you're at risk tonight, in any way, please call 000 or Suicide Call Back Line
Hi Bubblez
I am glad you decided to "give it a go" that step alone shows how strong you are, to reach out for help. You only think you aren't strong enough because your mind its clouded, when in fact your very strong, you took the first step in reaching out.
I know exactly where you are coming from and how you feel. As i have been their myself many times. I was hurting myself physically and ended up in hospital, that was my most down moment ever, it was so bad i decided i would not let myself go their again under any circumstances, no matter how bad things got, as their is ALWAYS a choice or some way around it.
I know it gets extremely hard to face each and every day, but you need to be positive, its a "mindset" you have to put in place and think to yourself when your down, "I can do this" I can face the day with my head held high and NOTHING and NO ONE will make me look down as I am focused.
When I saw your profile name "Bubblez" my first thought was your bubbly personality perhaps or your a extremely happy person, if thats the case then you need to keep "Bubbling" through your day no matter what is thrown at you.
Keep your chin up, always looking forward and if something brings you to a halt, just stomp over whatever is giving you grief always telling yourself, I CAN DO THIS and it doesnt matter what your problem is that is leaving you feeling like this, but YOU CAN DO IT, believe me you can....i was at a point in my life where I was constantly getting kicked down into a deep dark hole till i wanted to give up, everyone around me was having fun except for me, I became a positive thinker and the more I climbed out of that dark deep hole the stronger I felt because I could see I was actually making it to the surface.
Look at it this way...you said u take a step forward and even more backwards and even if you are taking 3 back and only 1 forward, seriously..you are still getting their just at a slower rate but eventually you will get their.
You dont actually say in your post what the prob is, but either way, you will make it, be postitve is the key and i know it can be hard but you have to try.
I posted on the site a little while ago, and when I read it I can't believe what I wrote...it has some positive tones in their, so take a look it may well inspire you to do the same.
Best of luck and feel free to message me whenever, take care Boo
