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Re: Mental Health worries

Hi @Bee
I wanted to check in on you and see how things were going?
Here for you Heart
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Re: Mental Health worries

@DirtWhich thanks ❤
I kind of do have to be switched on or I make silly mistakes which I'd rather not because that means fixing them, and I'd rather keep it neat and tody by doing it right the first time


@missep I'm managing I guess, I'm struggling a bit with my mental health and life right now... I'm getting anxiety at work when I mess things up or have to ask my manager stuff, and my psychologist said it was a learnt thing based off my history and such, and while I know that my current manager is so supportive and she doesn't get annoyed or anything, I still fear what will happen based on previous experience.
And I guess with that my mood fluctuates a little, which can be challenging (shrugs)

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Mental Health worries

Ugh, work anxiety sucks @Bee! :/

Glad to hear that your psych is helping you understand it based on your history.

I have sooo much faith in you! Smiley Very Happy 

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: Mental Health worries

@Bee  I get what you mean and that totally makes sense. I'm glad to hear that you have both a supportive psych and workplace, and I understand that it can still be anxiety inducing making mistakes at work. 

Re: Mental Health worries

Thank you @letitgo @DirtWitch Heart

I'm struggling with my mental health quite a bit today Smiley Sad
It's been a long and challenging day

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Mental Health worries

I'm starting to worry about if the effects of my mental health - the depression and the fatigue, lack of attention and drive, feeling numb, and the anxiety of if things will be right if I will get into trouble. I'm worried about how they will impact my job. I'm worried that my mental health is affecting my ability to focus at work, I feel like I'm too slow, I feel like I'm not being as accurate and as quick as I should.

I'm also behind with my study and I think I will have to ask for extra time. I am struggling to get any work done without feeling so unmotivated and upset, I am struggling with the work a bit and I just burst into tears. I don't understand why everything is feeling so hard right now Smiley Sad

Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart

Re: Mental Health worries

Hi @Bee,

There has so much change for you over the last couple months with this new job as well as studying, modding and life in general! When I think about the amount you are doing on top of investing in your wellbeing, it is 100% okay to be feeling how you are feeling right now- I would be too! It can take our bodies a while to get used to change, particularly changes in concentration times and attention as these are really cognitively demanding tasks for the brain. I so admire how you have bravely taken on new challenges these last few months- your persistence and openness to learning is really inspiring!

It sounds like this job is really important to you, and you really want to do the best that you can. I can hear that you are concerned about mental health effecting your work- I am sure there are so many people in this community who can relate to this feeling Heart Has there been anything in the workplace that prompted some of these feelings? You mentioned not wanting to get in trouble, do you mean getting in trouble at work?

Supporting/investing in your mental wellbeing in the workplace is really important for long term wellness, and it is okay to do! Have you have spoken to your mental health professionals about strategies to build self care and wellbeing into your work day? An example might be sitting in nature for lunch, taking a break every 45min-an hour, bringing objects of familiarity for your desk that make you smile, treating yourself to something you enjoy when you have had a big day etc. Sometimes these times for you in the work day can give you that brain break and refuel to help keep going.

I can hear that it is hard to not know why you are feeling how you are feeling right now- and sometimes it is okay to not know even though the not knowing is uncomfortable! Living in recovery is a journey, and you have taken some tremendous steps forward this year Heart

Do you have any work friends or people who offer you support in the workplace?
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Re: Mental Health worries

@Bee I agree with @Jess1-RO that you are going through a lot of major changes and commitments in your life right now, and that it's really smart to be considering how this is affecting your mental health, especially since it might be detrimental.

 

Working and studying are already really demanding on their own, so you are dealing with a lot! @Jess1-RO's suggestions about developing self care strategies during work is a good idea, and I think it's also important to be gentle with yourself and take a step back and review  whether you are actually meeting the expectations for your work or if you are holding yourself to a higher standard. I think it's great that you're so driven and want to do a good job, but it's also okay to give yourself the space to make mistakes and grow.

Re: Mental Health worries

Hi @Bee
I can understand your anxieties about having to ask your manager about things, that's so good that she's supportive though! Like your psychologist said about it being a learnt based thing from your history, do you think since you have a great supportive manager that this may help change your conceptions through time? I hope so! It means that hopefully in the future you might start to feel comfortable asking her things without getting nervous.

It sounds like you have so much on your plate, it can be so challenging to balance study and work Smiley Sad
I know that you are genuine, hard-working and you seem to enjoy your new job, those are such great qualities to have @Bee.

How have you been feeling today?

Re: Mental Health worries

Thanks @Jess1-RO  it means a lot Heart

I don't think anything at this workplace has triggered how I've been feeling, more so the memory of past workplaces and the anxiety around how they acted around it being how this workplace will react, even though I know and I've experienced a few times it's not the case here.

Now that I'm going to part-time this week I won't get a lunch break as such, only when I have to fill in my colleague's role when she's looking after her children or takes leave etc.
I could possibly bring something familiar into the workplace, but I don't have much room on my desk with all of the stuff for work. As it is I'm often putting things on top of each other or having things on the very edge... But I'll think about what I can do Smiley Happy

I usually reward myself after a big day with some relaxation after dinner. I've enjoyed the process of colouring in a lot more now that I have less time to do it Smiley Tongue

I don't really have any friends in the workplace. It's hard to build a stronger relationship in the office as we all have our own set tasks to do and there's not a whole lot of collaboration, but in saying that it's a very friendly and calm atmosphere. 

My manager (the office manager) is quite supportive and she's the go-to when I have an issue or problem or something I need help with, and I can ask the other 2 people in the office and they both know. (I just feel more comfortable with my manager as I've spent more time alone and working one on one with her)

 

@DirtWitch  they certainly are quite demanding tasks.
I guess if I stop and look realistically, I am meeting the expectations for work. This week will be my first week at my usual hours so I guess this will be the test as to if I'm fast enough.

 

@missep  I do hope that this will help change the conceptions my mind has through time. Sometimes I'm not nervous to ask her things but other times I am, so I guess it's starting to change a little? I'm not sure

I haven't been up to responding until today. I've been struggling still, but I'm pushing through. Part of me just feels so trapped and consumed by depression. And that's the part which makes it hard to feel like things are okay in my life.


I know I hold myself to a high standard at work, it's something I've always done.


Remember you're amazing just as you are Heart