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My parents lied to me

When I was younger I went to a child educational psychologist because I wasnt able to learn like most kids my age. Well the other day I found the report of that meeting when looking for something else and 2 things shocked me at first. 1, there was a report about it and 2, I was way older then I thought I was. I thought I was like 6-7 when I went but I was actually almost 12. So I sat on the floor reading this 11 page report about my capability in certain areas of learning and such. And I realize that all the areas I was bad at then, I'm still bad at And all the things that said I was 'superior' (actual word used), I was maybe a little bit above average now. And I keep reading an the last few pages are ways to improve and help me with the things I need help with. And it has all these really good instruction on it, some of which I do now because I taught myself. but my parents did none of them. And I distinctly remember my parents telling me, in the psychologists office, "see,there is nothing wrong with you, your just lazy". And like I always thought that for so long that I was getting bad or mediocre marks cos I was just lazy when the report says that I have difficulty with taking in information I'm told unless I'm shown it visually and things like that, which is basically school. And then I start thinking about, well what if my parents had done these things to help me, would I be a better student, would I have gotten into 3/4 psych last year, would I not be behind everyone, would I get a higher atar, would I get into my course I want to do. And I started to spiral and now I am so angry at my parents and I can't concentrate on anything and I have been really short tempered and crying a lot and I don't know what's wrong with me. There is also drama in my friendship group and I've just started year 12. I feel so shit I'm hardly eating or sleeping and I don't know what to do.

Re: My parents lied to me

Hey @Minnie98, first of all thanks for jumping on here and reaching out to us. We Love hearing from you.

 

It sounds like you have a lot going on at a moment and I can only imagine how overwhelming it must be. It's awful to find things out in the round about way that you did but perhaps it would be a good idea to talk to your parents about what you found and how you're feeling. It must be so frustrating and I can see why you're angry but in these situations it can help to try and find out the other persons perspective and try and understand why it is they did that. Do you think you could speak to them about what you've found?

 

It is really really hard not getting into the course you want and not being in an environment where you feel like you're learning or working at your best. Some people go their whole lives without ever knowing how they learn best or even what they want to do or strive for. You know now! It's important to remember as well that there are multiple paths to the same destination and each path shapes who you are. 

You seem like a really genuine, smart, intuitive person and these experiences you've had have brought you to where you are now, which is strong and capable of teaching yourself what you need to know to handle your stressors. That is a HUGE skill that not many people have. It is easy to wonder what could have been but we will never really know but we can use what we DO know to work on making the future better.

 

It sounds like all of this is causing you a lot of stress and anger, would you consider seeing a psychologist again to help you understand it all?

 

 

Re: My parents lied to me

Hi @Minnie98, I can only imagine how angry and frustrated you must have felt when reading that report. You've taken a really positive step in processing all of this by talking about it here on Reach Out. Venting and discussing things like this really helps.

 

I'm a bit worried about you after I read that you've been feeling shit and not eating or sleeping much. Would you consider contacting the Kids Helpline or eheadspace for some additional support? They're both completely confidential and you'll chat with professionals who can really help a lot. They might also be able to discuss with you how to go about speaking to your parents about what you learned. 

 

Please keep us updated on how you're going and any time you want to talk, we'll be here.

 

 

Re: My parents lied to me

Hi, @Minnie98

First of all, good on you for coming here and posting in the Reachout.com forums. Reaching out for help isn't always easy when we're dealing with tough times and feeling so overwhelmed with emotions. I really applaud you for taking the step forward to talk about the situation and how you're feeling. Being able to vent in a safe and supportive environment can really help too so I think you've done a wonderful thing by being open with us on Reachout and allowing us to aid and support you where we can! 😊

Secondly, I have ADHD but wasn't diagnosed until I was an adult. No one really took any concentration issues or learning difficulties that seriously so I can at least relate a little to what that is like. You aren't alone you know? Everybody and I mean, EVERYBODY has some kind of difficulty learning new things because we all learn and comprehend things and information differently. Some of us just struggle a little more than others but that often means we work harder and along the way, gain skills in working and learning efficiently and effectively.

Lastly, I just wanted to touch on a thought I had upon reading your post. It's really easy to focus on all the 'what ifs?' now you've got this new information isn't it? But you know what? Take the focus away from those niggling questions in the back of your head and instead try and focus on how you can use this new information you've found to your advantage. Use the information to learn in new ways and ways that might suit you better. It sucks majorly you didn't know about all this until now but it can still have an impact on your future, especially year 12 and beyond. You can put your mind to anything you desire and succeed @Minnie98.

The most important part is you try ⭐

Ness.

Re: My parents lied to me

Hi @Minnie98, thank you for posting!  It sounds really confusing and frustrating for you right now, and feeling as though you were lied to must really make you feel hurt and angry.  You also mentioned problems within your friendship group, concern about your ATAR score and feeling like there is something wrong with you.  When there's a lot on our plate, it can be helpful to identify the most immediate worry - what are you most distressed about? 

 

@Stealth_ninja's suggestion to talk to your parents seems like a really good idea; perhaps they had a reason for not going through the report with you?  For example, maybe they thought that telling you your weaknesses would be limiting for you?

 

Sometimes when we feel overwhelmed we lose track of other important things, like sleeping and eating.  Here is a brief story by someone who also struggled with eating and sleeping when he felt overwhelmed, and in it are some of the strategies he uses to help himself stay on top of things (such as using lists, looking after his physical health, using journals, and 'checking in' with himself a couple of times every day).  Looking after your own health is more important than ATAR's and grades!

 

On a similar note, year 12 is a stressful time for most people, without the additional stressors to deal with.  If you haven't already, it might be helpful to check out some of these clips from the there's life after year 12 campaign. 

 

Finally, it sounds like you have some real strengths! (those would be the ones labelled 'superior'!)  It is really common to be better at some things and worse at others, and it certainly doesn't mean that there is something 'wrong' with you.  What would you say your best strengths are?

 

Hope you're feeling better, let us know how you are going