Post break up struggles
Hi there, I stumbled upon this site after looking around online for somewhere I can reach out for some help. First timer so very sorry if I make some mistakes.
My boyfriend had recently broke up with me and I am really struggling with the post break up depression, anxiety and loneliness. Although this is not my first relationship and I've experienced break ups before, this time it hurt so much more because I felt like I really connected with this guy. It was great in the beginning and I was really happy to have found him but after some time and we had some changes in circumstances, we started fighting more and more and our communication broke down. After a discussion he decided he just couldn't take it anymore. I could go on to list a number of things that I could have done better, or things he knows he can improve on, but I know it's neither of our faults, we both just have things we need to work on. Logically, I know it makes sense for us to not be together so we can work on ourselves but emotionally I just feel so defeated and I'm tired of waking up every day and feeling so incredibly upset and lonely. I struggle to imagine that I will find someone else more attractive (looks and personality) than him.
I try my best to keep myself busy and distract myself and I do have my ups where I feel like I will be okay. But there are moments where I'm not distracted or I would see something that would remind me of him that just opens the floodgates and makes me want to curl up, cry and disappear. My heart feels constantly so heavy in my chest.
I talk to my friends and family but I don't like being a burden to them and there are only so many times I can message them saying how miserable I feel before I feel like I'm bothering them by being so repetitive. Even though they say that it's not a burden at all.
The best and worst thing about this break up is that it was amicable and we still want to be friends. It makes it difficult to move on when I can't just hate on him and try to move on and I can't help but feel that it would be nice if we somehow find our way back together in the future. It makes me feel pathetic that I'm still having these hopes and pining after him. There are also other factors that make the situation a bit more complicated to move on as well.
I'm looking for some advice on how I can make it through this. I feel so down and lonely everyday and it's really difficult to find motivation to do anything. Any advice will be very helpful!
Comments
Thank you for your replies!! It's amazing how as long as you can reach out there will be people, even if you don't know them, who are willing to help. I truly appreciate it!
I can't say that I am doing any better than when I made my last post. I woke up feeling so much grief I couldn't bring myself to leave my room and skipped all my classes today. I know it's not good but I didn't think I'd be able to focus if I went anyway 😞
I just wish I can somehow make the sadness and pain go away. Other than keeping myself occupied and distracted (I'm trying to either binge watch movies, talk to others online or hang out with friends whenever I can find the time), is there anything I can do to somehow help me cope with the pain?
I am struggling to find something positive in my life and actually feel happy about it. I want to change this cause I know although breakups suck and I'm in a lot of pain, I don't want to miss the good things in my life cause it could be a whole lot worse!
Hey @LilyLe just want to send you buckets of love. What you're going through is one of the most painful forms of grief a human being can experience in a lifetime. I can't speak for everyone, but I do think it's really important to honour the pain - to feel it and acknowledge it. Keep reaching out here and connecting with loved ones. I can say that it does ease up, you begin to feel peace, time does most definitely soothe the wound. You are a very intelligent person, you are incredibly loveable - very soon you will see all the reasons why this has happened, but it does take time 
When you say you're struggling to find something positive in your life, what about your friends and studies? Is there a reason these aren't positives?
Hey @Bree-RO
Thank you for your kind message 😭
If I can be honest without sounding completely ungrateful, though I have friends I can talk to (I'm generally a very open person and can talk to anyone about my problems), I'm not particularly close to anyone. My studies are okay but not overly great.
I mean, I know even just having someone to talk to is good and I could be doing worse in my degree so they are already positives. But if I had to guess, it might be because I don't find them very stable? I'm used to having my boyfriend (now ex) as a constant in my life, someone I can share everything with. He was my best friend.
I would like to somehow find a way to be more positive about things and find strength in the positives that will make me happy. I want to be stronger as an individual without having to rely on others for happiness anymore.
But the issue here is although I can think of the positive sides, it doesn't bring me joy even though I know I should be happy to have them. I hope this makes sense! 😩
Hi @LilyLe
It really sucks what you're going through and I'm sending you some positive vibes. It's hard right now to have joy, you're going through loss of not only your boyfriend but your best friend and that's not easy to get over. What you're going through is completely understandable and normal, and I guess it's really important to remember that you will take time to heal.
The fact that you are looking to be more positive and find joy from within is a big step forward already and that's where positive self talk comes in and getting to know yourself and finding out what makes you happy 
Heartbreaks are the absolute worst
They are so incredibly painful both physically and emotionally and my heart really goes out to you right now. Hopefully it helps to know that everything you're feeling right now is completely normal. I remember feeling so lonely and empty because I no longer had that one person who I shared everything with. Its one of the hardest parts of a breakup and I know it doesn't feel like it now but I promise you that there is a day not too far away where you'll move on and feel whole again. But for now, your heart needs time to heal so allow yourself time to mourn and recover and once you feel like you've given yourself enough time to truely feel, write to yourself.I found the first three months of my breakup the hardest but the thing that helped me to finally move on was writing down all the things that I had gained from my breakup. For example, I found strength that I never knew I had, I had far more time for friends and built some beautiful connections with some of my best friends today and I actually had time to truely be alone and I don't mean this is a negative way but in a positive way. It was the first time in a long time that I could make decisions purely based on what I wanted to do and it was unbelievably liberating and freeing. I've got every hope that you'll get to that place too so when you're ready try writing to yourself.
For now, my advice would be to let yourself feel, its okay to not be okay and its not pathetic to have hope that you'll find your way back to each other, its completely normal. Hope helps us heal. Distraction is so important as you know. Some advice on new distraction activities are: joining a group, hanging out with friends, listening to podcasts, watching movies, bike riding with your family. Just find as many things as you can that make you feel like you and soon enough you won't need distractions to feel whole again.
A word of advice from someone who has felt everything that you wrote about, you are not a burden to your friends and family. It might seem like you're leaning on them too much or talking in circles but I promise you that isn't the case. You're friends and family are their to help you through this and if at any point you need someone else to talk to, I'm here for you 100 percent.
I'm a big believer that everything happens for a reason so look after that wonderful heart of yours and do the things you love. You're doing such an amazing job and I'm always here if you need
Hey @LilyLe,
Thanks for reaching out and sounds like you are going through a pretty rough time 
!
First Up, I think you are handling the situation a best as you can! It takes a while, but soon the pain will dull away. I don't have experience in the topic but I've heard that it hurts a lot at the beginning and all hope looks to be lost - but that is not the case.
You sound like you've realized that you to weren't meant for each other despite you felt as though you connected.
Throughout this, I think you should stay busy and focus on the positives (Already doing well) Do some stuff you enjoy and put all your focus on it. Do you have any hobbies? I find when I'm upset I:
1. Play with Pets
2. Watch some TV
3. Do some shooting (Netball shooting not gun shooting 
)
4. COLOUR
5. Clean up a bit
Remember, If you don't think you can stay as friends, you are under no oath to stick with it. It's important to look after yourself and your well being before anything else. Thinking of you
