What do you think?
Hey everyone,
I hope everyone is well and ready for the holidays. I just had to get something off my chest and I think you guys could possibly help, I have already said something about it but I didn't really open up about as I was unsure but I have a feeling now that this is something that I need reasurance on. So I have a friend who is with her bf and they have been together for about 4 or 5 months now. Still, there are some massive red flags in this relationship like 1. he doesn't like me at all like ae says that he doesn't like my friend and me talking,face-timing or even just hanging out. If he gets mad or moody he blames it on my friend and I think that it is wrong I mean I have told her that they are red flags and that maybe you need to ask him to stop and we have ad the possible break-up talk but I am not sure if I have been doing the right thing by being there for her. Thanks
Comments
Hi @Betty123 !
Hope you are well. I think you are being a good friend and a concerned friend. Having these thoughts and apprehensions about your friend's partner makes sense if you really care for them and it's natural to be defensive. It can put you in a tricky spot however if your friend does not see these red flags It can make for an uncomfortable conversation. But it will be an important conversation to have non the less. Have you considered raising your concerns with your friend and seeing how she takes it?
EDIT: I just read up on your replies to the other comments, It's good that you spoke up and that your friend was able to see your point of view. I'm glad you were able to have a mature conversation without things going the wrong way.
I hope things on your side have been going well, and feel free to share with us if you need to get anything else off your chest!
Hi @Betty123
Thank you for sharing. What you are dealing with sounds really upsetting, it can really hurt when things cause stress in our friendships. It was really brave of you to open up to your friend and be honest about your concerns. It sounds like you really care for your friend and only want the best for them - which makes you a really great friend!
What does your friend think about the concerns you have for them? What was it like for you to hear their response to your concerns? Did you feel better after getting things off your chest?
Hi @Sally_RO thank you so much for writing back to answer your questions about what my friend thinks about my concerns she sees what I am saying and she agrees with me, she also responded well to my concerns were good she didn't mind me saying it because she can see that I think these are red flags and for the last question yes I feel happy and I big weight lift off my chest and I thank you for that.
p.s sorry for the terrible punctuation.
Im really glad that you were able to share these things with her. It really does sound like you are just concerned and are trying to look out for her. It can be such a relief to express how we really feel.
Do you know what she wants to do if anything? Sometimes we can go straight into 'should' mode and tell others what we think they should do. However, people can often find this not the most elpful because they can feel like they are just being told what to do. Sometimes it can just be more helpful to listen, validate and acknowledge, and then work out what they think they can do. I can hear that you are trying to be there for her which is amazing. But what about you.. is she there for you also? Im wondering what you're to manage with all of this yourself?
