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feeling alone and stuck

I have GAD, Generalised Anxiety Disorder. 

Over the past two years i have been suffering a lot with personal issues, being abused by a sisters boyfriend and then again by my boyfriends brother. These two events have particularly bought on this disorder and although i do have a good support in my life i seem to isolate myself from thoes people. 

I find that when i wake up i am sitting there pitiying myself for what ive been through and going over the smallest things i did or they did that could've happened differently. things i go over and over and know i cant change, or worrying over why these people i trusted and believed would hurt me so much. 

for the last couple of years i have been trying to pick myself up and move on from these situations. i started uni and i was really happy for a while everything was still there but i was able to push it to the back and move on focus on what was ahead of me rather than behind. 

but latley i have relapced massivly. I defered my studies until next year becuase everything seemed to be drowning me again and i lost myself for the second time. but this time round its so much harder to see the future being bright for me, all i can see is my pain and my anxiety my depression and my problems i cant see how things can get better like i use to. 

Re: feeling alone and stuck

Hey there @HarleyBunny

 

Welcome to the RO forums...I've read your post and you have endured so much. You should be really proud that you have made such a huge step by coming on to the forums to seek support...

 

If you aren't feeling safe and need to speak to someone, I strongly encourage you to contact one of the below helplines:

  • Lifeline - 13 11 14
  • Suicide Call Back Service - 1300 659 467

 

Re: feeling alone and stuck

Hey @HarleyBunny i want to commend you for being very strong under a lot of pressure. You could look at taking a break from your studies another way (only if you want to) perhaps in some ways you did what you needed to do to look after yourself. What do you reckon?

 

I'm wondering what kind of back up and support you have right now to get through this. Also, how can we help? Smiley Happy

Re: feeling alone and stuck

Hi @Ben-RO thanks for the comment. 

I think you're right about me having done the right thing for myself at the time, i didnt want to fail out of anything so i took the only other route i could think of at the time, since i haven't had to worry about studies ive felt like i have had so much more time to be able to focus on being better but now im at the stage where i cant stop thinking that i made a mistake and i know theres nothing i can do to change it now.

At the moment i am seeing a councler from my uni and also my regular doctor to try and work through the symptoms of GAD, but sometimes i feel like im stuck with my family. Becuase my sister lied and turned everything around we dont speak and although my parents and my brother couldnt be better about things i dont want to make them feel like their in the middle of anything. 

im not really sure what kind of help i can get from you guys other than just being able to vent about everything and getting some helpful advice and just having people listen and who understand with no judgement. 

Re: feeling alone and stuck

@HarleyBunny thank you for sharing your story. What you said about isolating yourself from the people who do support you really stood out to me.
As hard as it is to stay connected when you're low, it's worth it. Speaking from my own experience, when I'm down I just want to be alone, not bother others about my problems, try to figure them all out myself but I know I wouldn't want my loved ones to do that so I push myself hard to share with them my struggles.
Take care

Re: feeling alone and stuck

@StarLord Thanks for the support, i know thats the right thing to do its just harder some days to think that way and keep your head focused i suppose. 

Re: feeling alone and stuck

So true @HarleyBunny.

 

It seems to me like there's a bunch of stress around connecting to the people you'd usually get support from too, because of what you have survived. Would that be right?

 

 

Re: feeling alone and stuck

Hi @HarleyBunny, and thank you for sharing part of your story with us. We value you and want to help as much as we can. It sounds like you've been through a fair bit and you're trying to cope as best you can. Please know that you are strong. You've made it this far, and you can keep going.

 

I totally get how it can be hard to open up to people about how you're feeling. Is there one person in your life you're closer to that you might be able to try talking to about this?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //