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not a big deal

this has been on my mind for a long time, so I thought I would have a go posting here and see what other people think.

I feel like I haven't really been 'myself' or enjoyed life for a long time. it doesn't feel like being depressed, but when things make me happy or sad, I can't really feel it deep down; it's just on the surface. I feel a bit distant from reality. I function as normal but my motivation is terrible. people tease me for being lazy, but they don't understand that I want to want to do things, it's just I feel no inspiration for any of it.

I have been working on my mental health since I was 16, and even though I have seen a lot of progress in other areas, this one thing never seems to change. I'm starting to think this is just how life is, but when I think that, I get really upset. most of the time I just tell myself it's fine and not a big deal, since there are no serious problems in my life right now so I must be fine...

Re: not a big deal

Hey @lemurien


Thank you so much for sharing some of the stuff you've been going through. I know it can be a bit tough to open up to people, especially strangers, but I am so glad you found ReachOut. I am sure our community will support you as best as possible Smiley Happy 


It sounds like you're really struggling a lot at the moment with low mood and feeling down and unmotivated for a long time now. Unfortunately, a lot of people have similar experiences with feeling detached and distant when they've been feeling, especially after an extended period of time. You mentioned that you've been working on your mental health since you were 16, do you have a therapist or anyone you can talk to at the moment?

Re: not a big deal

hello Andrea, thank you for replying to me.


What I explained in my post, I find very difficult to explain to anybody. that makes it even easier to think that nothing is wrong, and what I'm struggling with doesn't really exist. perhaps I'm expecting too much from life? what do you think?


I have had a few different psychologists over the years, they've all had something different to offer me although i'm not sure if any of them have been the perfect fit, and maybe that doesn't exist. sometimes I think if I am still struggling it must be my fault for not trying hard enough. I have had some small traumas in my life but not more than the average person I don't think, so I feel like nothing should be wrong. I do have a therapist right now but I am having trouble opening up to her. do you have any advice on that?

Re: not a big deal

Hey @lemurien 


Nice to make your acquaintance Heart.  I'm sorry to read about how you're feeling.  It sounds like you've made a lot of progress during your mental health journey, but the one thing you find doesn't really changed is a lack of motivation/inspiration to do things, is that right? Are there any particular areas this relates to as in uni work or creative pursuits etc?


Also, you mentioned not feeling yourself for a long time.  What parts of yourself have you found you've been missing during this period?  


Regarding finding it hard to open up to someone, how do you feel about your current psychologist?  Have you told your psychologist about your hesitance with opening up?  Sometimes with opening up, I like to do it gradually.  I'll share a little and if I feel secure and contained, I'll share some more.   Everyone is different of course but certainly it can be important to feel a good therapeutic relationship with your psychologist before opening up.  That relationship can take some time to develop.  


I love how proactive you've been about this.  I know you say you lack motivation and inspiration, but seeing a psychologist and posting on the forums shows bravery, courage, and definitely some initiative Heart


P.S Sorry to bombard you with questions. 



Re: not a big deal

hi there,
you have asked some really helpful questions that are helping me to figure out what's happening for me. Thank you so much.
I definitely struggle with motivation in both of the areas you mentioned. I used to read a lot and I loved reading and thinking about different ideas, and I even did some writing of my own. I can't be bothered with any of that anymore. I really struggle to care about my uni work, even though I (in theory) love what I study. I also find it hard to keep in touch with people I care about because I cannot be bothered calling or texting them. But the hardest things are simply the daily tasks of life, like cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, laundry. This is where I get called lazy, but doing those types of things makes me feel so down, because a part of me can't stand how pointless it is doing them over and over. I really have to force myself through life and I find it so tiring.
I think what I miss most about myself is that I used to have a good sense of humour and appreciation towards life. I liked to notice small details and things other people wouldn't necessarily think were funny/interesting/or beautiful. Hope that makes sense. it feels like my personality has gone missing. 
Thank you for your ideas on opening up. I think my current psychologist might not be the best fit for me because I am finding it difficult to be comfortable around her. I do feel quite guilty when I try to change psychologists though, since I know they're just doing their best to help me.anyway, we will have a phone appointment next week and I will try those suggestions.


Thank you so much everyone for hearing me out and giving me advice.

Re: not a big deal

Hi @lemurien! Welcome to the forums!

I'm sorry that you've been struggling with a lack of enjoyment with life and low motivation. Smiley Sad I think you've shown some incredible insight into this issue and I think it's awesome that you've made some progress with your mental health in other areas, even though this is an area you're still struggling with.

Have you heard of or tried activity scheduling? I've heard that it can help some people with low motivation.

Re: not a big deal

Hey @lemurien,


Have you considered taking up a new hobby? I was really struggling with self-esteem and taking up a new sport (touch football) really helped boost my motivation and my ability to cope with my health. 


Secondly, don't question yourself, you sound like such an interesting person Smiley Happy and thank you for sharing your experiences.


We are all here if you need someone to talk to Heart