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when you suck at something you love

I love to draw and I love to write. Unfortunately, I suck at them both. I feel so horrible right now, that I'm no good at these things even though I love to do them so much! 

Do you know what I just did? Earlier, while I was trying to draw, I just ruined my sketchbook!! I just ruined some good sketches because I'm a pathetic mess who tried to tear out half of their sketchbook. 

I'm too much of a perfectionist to let it the drawings lie. I'm too much of a story-stealing, unoriginal dumbo to be able to write anything good. 

I can't even read that well anymore!!! I used to be so good at reading but it's so hard, to be interested in the story, so hard to be engaged and actually pay attention. Writing, reading and drawing. Those are things that I love. Things that I suck at. I'll never be good at them, I'll never be good at anything I enjoy. Animals, hiking, even now that I've started to like driving, I am slowly becoming worse and worse. 

 

The reason why I'm making this, is because I ruined my sketchbook. I didn't just tear out a page (which I've already done, probably why it was so easy to do it again) I grabbed a handful and pulled. The only good this is that I'd already taken photos of my sketches. But I'm so pathetic! I just can't draw faces or people! I want to be good, I want to be able to at least draw them but I can't! I can't write good stories, I can't draw good things, I can't focus on anything and I'm going to fail! 

 

I'm sorry that I'm such a mess. 

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Re: when you suck at something you love

Hey @N1ghtW1ng sounds like you're not in the greatest headspace right now, and I'm sorry to hear it! Glad you'd taken photos of your sketches.

Sounds like you destroyed your sketches in a moment of anger and then regretted it, am I right?

In regards to reading, when I find I've hit a reading slump, I'll either read something totally different than what I normally would, or I'll go back to an old favourite. Do you think you could do that?

// Spiral outward, keep going. //

Re: when you suck at something you love

Thanks @letitgo. In regards to reading, the slump is coming from the fact that the series I'm re-reading is feeling slow and it was a bit frustrating. My plan is to speed through this series so I can read a new one I bought the other day (I bought the box set (five books) for $10!! And the individual books were almost $20 in the bookstore Smiley Tongue)
But it really only came from the upsetness from my sketchbook.
I am seriously regretting ruining my sketchbook, but I still feel like shit about my drawing skills. While it's mainly my drawing that is causing the negative moods, my writing comes into it as well.

Re: when you suck at something you love

Hey @N1ghtW1ng,

I can really relate to your feeling of being a perfectionist. Sometimes I find it hard to do activities I am not good at and will rather not do them then try and feel like I have failed. Although what I am slowly realising that due to my perfectionist ways, even things that I might be good at wont seem good enough for me, because thats what perfectionism is, and it is unattainable. Its so hard to change that mindset because I know it can be so set in stone, but when we try and make everything perfect, nothing will ever be enough. You should draw and write because you love it! Although I am sure you are very talented, even if you were not, it still brings you joy, its the perfectionism however that is ruining that joy.

 

Maybe try and find a 10 minute block everyday where you tell yourself that you can draw and write without judgement from yourself and really put all your energy into trying that. Maybe see how that feels? Do you have any ideas how you could get past this so you can continue enjoying things that do make you happy?

 

Re: when you suck at something you love

@Rachelle444 Thank you. I'm not very good at resisting the perfectionism, especially when it comes to art. There are a few pages in my sketchbook that are scribbled over. I suppose I could try to regularly do the 10min block. I have been trying to draw every day, and Sunday was just a result of a bad day that turned worse. I could probably use some ideas Smiley Tongue The problem is, so many things are people, and for the life of me I can't draw people. The best I can do are rough sketch poses, no detail, no faces just the pose. Which really makes me feel even more negative, because everything's people! What can I draw, if I can't draw people?

Re: when you suck at something you love

@N1ghtW1ng, well it sounds like you can do better than my attempt at drawing people... which are just stick figures hahaa. Well maybe if we try to think of it differently. The physicality of a person is just the outer casing, the shell of the person. Maybe it could be cool to try and draw the inner part - the feelings, personality, emotions... Have you ever tried drawing abstract concepts such as this? I think that these emotions make up the person more so then there physical form. What do you think?