Getting overwhelmed
I've been so busy with uni these past few weeks and I'm getting so drained. I've had two group presentations, a prac report is due soon, and then they've stacked three major essays/reports to be due on the same day in around a fortnight, and exams are coming up too. Normally I can handle this level of work but lately I've just been so over it, maybe because I've been seeing my friends less and working/volunteering more.
I feel guilty because it seems like I got weaker and worse at handling academic pressure. I also feel guilty because I haven't been active in this community like I wanted to be, and haven't been catching up with my friends or making time for my hobbies. And then I also feel pathetic because even though I'm putting so much time and effort into my studies, sometimes I'm still not getting back results that I want, and it's impacting my confidence which used to be really high for academics. I know that these thoughts come from a place of insecurity where I feel like I'm not really worth anything if I'm not a high achiever, but it's hard to stop feeling this way even if I know why I feel it.
Overall I think I'm just kinda exhausted, I just want this semester to be over so I can enjoy my life again. But the other thing is that when I'm not busy, then I also feel guilty and can't enjoy myself because I'll constantly feel like I should be doing something more worthwhile with my time. So maybe being this busy is a good thing? I just need to be better at finding a balance, it feels like I always throw everything in and go to the extreme.
Comments
Hi PeelingOranges! It sounds like you base your self-worth on your grades and commitment to study (academic validation), would you agree with that?
As a uni student myself I definitely understand those feelings, such as the guilt when resting. I think it's important to remind yourself that rest IS productive and important! It's necessary to have time for self-care (such as seeing your friends) and not always studying or doing things for your CV (like volunteering). If there isn't that balance, it's a sure path to burnout and that will only make your studies more difficult.
Perhaps you could create an affirmation, such as "rest is productive" and write this down somewhere or remind yourself of it any time you feel guilty. One technique I use is to schedule in time for self-care, this holds me accountable to it and make sure I prioritise that time (even in peak exam/assignment season).
Hope you find some time for self-care this week 😊 And try not to feel guilty about it!
Hi @frankie20 , thanks so much for your reply !!
Yep, I definitely have a tendency to base my entire self worth and identity around my studies.. I think it comes from a place of not really having my other attributes being recognised, so I rely on the one thing I know I'm competent at.
Using affirmations is a good idea, I think I just have a hard time believing what I'm saying though hahah😅 But I definitely need to just give it a go or else nothing will change!
Hey @PeelingOranges,
Thank you for sharing what you’re going through. It can be really tough to manage study and everyday life, so it’s completely understandable that you’re feeling overwhelmed and exhausted. I can see that you’ve got many assignments to complete including the exam. So many young people are going through the same thing around this time, so you’re definitely not alone! You might find this topic on exam stress helpful. It includes a number of articles around motivation and managing exam/study stress that could give you some ideas.
I am curious to know if you reward yourself after completing all the tasks you have set out to complete for the week? It can be super helpful to set up a reward system to encourage yourself to complete any tasks. This can make it easier to work through each assessment and make for more time to yourself. It also sounds like all of the study has made it hard for you to engage in your hobbies. I am wondering if you would consider organising time within your week to dedicate towards your hobbies? I’d love to know what hobby helps you to de-stress?
It is important to catch up with friends and I can hear that this has been really tough for you. Are there any ways that you might be able to feel connected to them for the time being? Being able to maintain a study-life balance is really important to reduce stress and prevent burnout. I encourage you to explore this discussion on study-life balance where you might generate some ideas from others on how you might manage this moving forward.
I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Thanks for your reply @Bel_RO 😊
I'm definitely not alone in this, which is both comforting and also kinda concerning!! Thanks for linking the articles, I'll check them out:)
As for rewarding myself, I'm not too sure? On weekend nights I tend to allow myself some time to do something I enjoy with the rationale that I've worked hard all week, but I still get kinda anxious afterwards about whether I should've used the time more wisely. I think part of it is that I've been raised in a household where working hard is a given and I never really got rewarded for things, because my parents didn't want me to develop the mindset that I should work hard just to get things in return. Which was good in a way because now I have really high intrinsic motivation, but it's also bad because I'm just not used to being rewarded for things and so when my workload gets tough, there's no real light at the end of the tunnel.
I should definitely organise some time for my hobbies instead of just trying to squeeze in a bit at the end of the day when I'm too tired to even enjoy it. I actually just organised lunch with my friends tomorrow which I'm excited about, so yeah you're right, it's really just about maintaining a balance!
Sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of pressure which is completely understandable given the increased workload. I had my uni honours year last year and it was the toughest year I have ever had. I was completely drained by the end of it and I also put a lot of pressure on myself because it was the most important year for me.
Feeling overwhelmed does not mean that you are weak. It just means that you are human. We all want to thrive and succeed in life and when we feel like we’re not doing enough, that can have a really negative impact on our thoughts.
It is completely fine to find a balance between our personal lives and our academic responsibilities. Try not to be hard on yourself for feeling this way. It is okay to acknowledge your limitations and take steps to manage your workload. I always found taking regular breaks helpful and breaking tasks into smaller chunks. It is okay to take breaks because at the end of the day our mental health is our top priority. Seek support from your friends and family and any uni support that might be available.
Staying busy can give us a sense of purpose but making time for relaxation, hobbies and socialisation is equally important. Relationships and personal interests are extremely valuable to us. While you might feel you have the time to prioritise other things, taking time for yourself will be beneficial. When I was overwhelmed by the workload it really affected my ability to study. So I made sure when I could not mentally do anymore work I would step away, I would sit out in the sun take a short walk or eat a tasty snack and then come back and try again. Pushing myself when I was struggling only made me more overwhelmed and so I made sure I always set a day aside to do something I enjoyed. As hard as it can be to fit this time in, in the long run, it helped. It made me less frustrated and I could concentrate better.
Again, our mental health is extremely important and it is okay to prioritise that over our studies sometimes.
Take care of yourself during this time. You’ve got this! 🫶🏻
Thank you for your kind words @Be_the_Light
I struggle a lot with not feeling weak whenever I need a break, because I've built up this version of myself who can handle anything and get things done without complaining. For some reason, it's perfectly okay for others to not be competent all of the time, but it's not okay for me to be that way, so I definitely need to work on how I treat myself.
What you said about breaks is so true, I really need to make that stick in my head. I'm usually a very rational kind of person, so I should probably think of it as a small loss in productivity now that will result in higher productivity in the long run. Thanks for the reminder that mental health can be prioritised over my work!
That sounds really tough @PeelingOranges. It can be really hard to change these thoughts. We treat ourselves so much more different than what we would other people. I think we just need to learn that it’s ok to be vulnerable and not be perfect all the time. One way I have learnt to do this is looking at what I have accomplished in life. I’ve overcome a lot particularly with anxiety and I always make it a habit to look back at the things that I have gotten through. Giving yourself credit when you achieve things, no matter how small is always a great thing. You might be feeling overwhelmed but you should pat yourself on the back for your strength and perseverance. Treat yourself with kindness and give yourself breaks regularly. It is okay to put yourself first. As you said, it will be worth it in the long run because you will find your studies to be a more positive experience when you take care of your mental health.
Thank you @Be_the_Light , that's all very true. That idea about looking back is great, I feel like I spend too much time looking forward and trying to plan for my future self without taking the time to appreciate my past self or enjoy my present self. I'm moving into exams now so I'll keep what you've said in mind !! Hope you're doing okay too:)
Yeah, I’ve found it so important. Like you said, you’ve been feeling like you put a lot of pressure on yourself. I completely get this and it really does help to look at the smaller achievements! You’ve come so far and you’re getting through a difficult degree.
Towards the end of my degree I would find it easier to say that I was proud of myself for what I had been achieving. This is even something you can do between peers because it is a really great motivation to say congratulations or you should be so proud. And taking in support from family because they cheered me on throughout the whole thing. It’s soooo hard to do this and to have confidence in our achievements especially if we want to do things well. I’m still learning. I don’t use affirmations enough but I think they are a great thing.
Good luck with exams! You’ll do great 🫶🏻
Hey @PeelingOranges
It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now, it's completely normal to feel overwhelmed!
I can totally relate to feeling guilty when I'm not busy studying or working. It's so hard for me to relax and enjoy my free time with the constant feeling of guilt. I'm still working on reminding myself that it's important to find balance, and that I'm a lot more productive in my work/study when I've had enough rest!
I can see that you've identified the importance of connecting with your friends and hobbies in maintaining your wellbeing. I'm wondering if that would be a good place to start? Scheduling some time to see your friends even if it's just a short catch-up, or taking sometime to do things you enjoy might help alleviate some of the stress.
Good luck with your exams and assignments. You've got this!🌻
Thanks for the support @miso_soup !!
The guilt thing is hard, isn't it😞 Is there anything you've tried in particular that works for fighting it back?
I've actually just scheduled lunch with my friends for tomorrow, which I'm so glad about! I'm kinda stressed now because I was originally going to do work during that time, but like you said, I have to remind myself that taking a break is also a great use of time that can help me be even more productive in the future.
Thanks for the good luck!! Hope you're managing okay as well:)
Hi @PeelingOranges , it sounds like you're going through an incredibly stressful time and I am sorry to hear that you're feeling this range of negative emotions. The amount of work and pressure you're under would be overwhelming for anyone so it's completely understandable that you're feeling burnt out. Balancing the demands of university, work and volunteering, all while keeping in contact with friends, is no small feat, and it's clear you're doing your best to manage everything.
I just want to urge you to please be kind to yourself. Being overwhelmed or burnt out is NOT a sign of weakness, it is a very human response to such a huge amount of stress.
I can also relate to feeling guilty. I too have had trouble making time for friends, so I have had to remind myself that they know the amount of stress I am dealing with and can empathise.
Also, getting disappointing results back can be incredibly disillusioning - especially as the system itself has been set up to rank and order students - fostering this sense of academic self-worth. However, grades are rarely an accurate depiction of what you can achieve now and in the future. Again, I would urge you to practise some self-care and fully recognise the effort you're putting in and give yourself some credit for managing all your responsibilities.
Sending you strength and virtual hugs!
Ahhh thank you @Sprouting_Flowers , you have no idea how much I needed to hear this right now😭
I think I need a lot of reassurance that it's okay to take a break and I'm not weak for feeling tired, because when I try to tell myself these things I never quite believe it. I hope my friends can understand, sometimes I think they don't really get why I focus so much attention on my studies. But I'm finally seeing them again tomorrow so I hope we can spend some quality time together!
And thank you for the kind words about grades. I have a tendency to just focus on the end result, which is not super healthy. I need to get better at treating everything as a learning experience, and also recognising that sometimes markers can be subjective. I met up with my tutor to talk about a particular assignment that didn't score as highly as I'd hoped, and he couldn't even really pinpoint what would have helped me score higher, which was so frustrating. It feels like I'm just throwing all my effort into a black hole. But that's also not something I have a lot of control over, so I guess it's another reason to not be so harsh on myself.
