Where to go now (work/dsp)
Tw: suicide, self harm, work, emergency department, hospital, sectioning
Hi friends. I haven’t logged in for a while and when I did today, realised that I only have a couple months before I age out of RO! It’s been such an amazing support, and I’m going to ask for everyone’s wisdom one last time...
I posted a while back about job hunting while trans. As if that wasn’t difficult enough, my mental health (bpd and depression) has made finding work incredibly difficult. I have now been unemployed for two years, on jobseeker, most of the time with medical exemptions due to being too unwell to look for work. I’m not allowed any more exemptions.
However, I’m really really concerned that I just won’t be able to work.
Today I found out I might get a 24 hour/week job and the thought of working/being around people for that long/travelling to and from work/fatigue spiralled me into an episode where I experienced strong suicidal thoughts and went as far as purchasing an item to kill myself with. I’m okay right now and safe, but if just the thought of working has me that stressed, idk how I’m going to cope with actually working. I recently had to drop my three hour volunteer job from weekly to fortnightly because of the impact of being sectioned and just struggling to cope. My last job I lasted two weeks, had severe suicidal thoughts the whole time, wasn’t able to care for myself, and self harmed before quitting and ending up in hospital as a result of the stress.
I’ve looked into DSP but I know I won’t qualify (based on studying the impairment tables). Even though my frequent suicidality/attempts/emergency department trips and my inability to sustain work would put me in the extreme category of impairment, because I live mostly independently, am able to travel alone, and have a history of full time study I’ll actually fall under either the no impairment or mild impairment category. Also, because there’s a chance that with treatment I could improve in the next two years, I will not be considered fully treated and stabilised.
So, what do I do if I can’t work AND can’t get a pension?? Living with family is not an option (they don’t have enough money to support me, my father makes me incredibly uncomfortable, and they don’t accept that I’m trans). Help??
Thanks for any advice or support ❤️❤️❤️
Comments
Hey @DruidChild, It's great to hear that you've got some support behind you. I can definitely relate when you say that you felt like you had to fix everything right away last night. I have felt like that and it can make it hard to focus on anything else. Reaching out to a friend is also a great way to manage heavy feelings, so I think this is a really great strategy to have.
I also think its great to hear that you've been using DBT skills. Have you been able to find one that helps distract you when you're having a hard day? I've heard how helpful DBT can be, what are your thoughts on it?
I just want to remind you that you're not alone and we're all here for you 💜
@DruidChild it sounds like you're going through such a tough time - I'm so sorry for the pain you're feeling, and for the lack of support you're getting from your family. 💛
I wanted to let you know we've emailed you to touch base, so please look out for that.
You have so much to deal with - I really feel for you and I wish there were easy answers.
Re: work, I guess I wanted to say that it's okay not to put pressure on yourself.
24 hours per week sounds like a lot, and it makes sense that it would feel overwhelming - if that role doesn't feel right for you right now, it's okay to give yourself time and space.
I was wondering if you've been able to connect with any professionals or services who might be able to offer you some support to explore options and talk through what you'd like for yourself? Eg. I'm wondering if the caseworkers at a service like Flourish, Twenty10 or The Gender Centre might be able to support you to look into further options if that's something that interests you.
We're also here for you - we care about you and we'd really appreciate it if you could let us know how you're going today and whether you're safe.
You talked about how you've been through times of feeling suicidal before and I'm wondering if there was anything that helped during those times that you could draw on now to stay safe?
